Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

[Owlunar]

@Saharaand @Former-Member

I am also getting a lot out of this conversation - it is a rare chance to share very deep and private thoughts

Sahara - I am sorry to hear that your father's cancer has spread so dramatically - and really wow about his taking aggressive chemo - that would be extremely daunting

And the good that might come of it is that you and your sister can join forces and help him and each other - she works and you are far away but you can support each other in this new part of your collective journey

What a shock that must be- it will take some adjusting - I am sure

Dec

Ah - it's not the mountain ahead of you in your journey that is hard to live with - it's the pebble in your shoe - btw - that is a pic of Mont Blanc

[Former-Member]

Oh @Sahara I am so sorry for this news. Your sister is realising the seriousness of the situation and is going to be there for her Dad which is wonderful as he will really need you both. Good also your Dad has taken it well and has agreed to the treatment. As he has done so because of the love he has for his family, his children. It will be harsh, he will need his family more now than ever. Where was the primary cancer to begin with?

It may be daunting for your sister but your dads welfare has taken priority thank goodness. As it will be harder for your Dad to beat it now. He will need lots of love and support to face one of the biggest battles of his life.

And we will be here to support you 🌹💜

Sending prayers and love to you and your family @Sahara Here if you need to talk. Hugs 🤗❤️xx

[Former-Member]

@Sahara 🌹

[Sahara]

Thanks @Former-Member and @Owlunar,

for your kind well-wishes. It means a lot to me that people can reach out over cyber-space and show caring and kindness. Yesterday was such a busy day for me and I didn't get on-line at all. 

Everything is going ok. Dad has actually had his first dose of chemo and is now back home, at his place. He feels quite good... I think this is because he's had a massive dose of the anti-infalmitiry stuff they give you with the chemo... this stuff can make you feel quite euphoric. My sister has been on the same drug for a health problem she used to have, and she says it makes you feel fantastic... it's one of the many side-effects it has. (Can't write the mame of the drug here, unfortunately, due to the rules.)

So..... my day said he was going to take the chainsaw out and cut up some firewood with a friend of his!! What???? I said "Dad, I'm not sure you should rush into doing a lot of heavy work the day after you have had a massive does of chemo!"

But Dad will do whatever he likes.... and has done so all his life, and there is no stopping him. 

The mind boggles, it really does. Look, I suppose if Dad drops down and never gets back up again while cutting wood.... I guess he would rather that than pass on in a hospitla bed.  But still.....

[Owlunar]

Hi @Sahara

You are right - you Dad will do what he wants to - and I think he's a big boy now

Personally - I would rather die in the harness than in hospital - we all have to leave in some way in some place

But still - yes - but still that is hard to watch - or know about

Dec

[Sahara]

That's right @Owlunar. Far be it from me to try and control another human being... my Dad is of sound mind and is a reasonable man.  He has gone fishing today. 

Personally, I hope I fall off my perch one day while I am drinking champagne at a cosy bar listening to jazz. A bit inconvenient for the other patrons, I guess, but there you have it.  I hope the band don't even pause during their set! 

[Owlunar]

Hi @Sahara

I think I would like to drop off the tree while I was walking along the beach - it might be a good idea to go to the beach more often - not because I feel like leaving just yet - but because it is one of my favouite things

But the best way to go is doing what we like - my ex-h's grandmother had been at a fund-raiser for an organisation she was involved with - in her 80's - and someone gave her a lift and she was near her home and got out of his car with a huge bunch of roses.

And he drove off and saw a crowd of people on the road but thought nothing of it - but it was ex-h's gm - she had a heart attack and died with a huge armful of roses - what a fantastic way to go

We all have to leave - let's book ahead and do our favourite thing

Yeah - hard on the audience - but it always is

Dec - with a very wry smile

[Sahara]

@Owlunar,

that is a good story aboust your ex-h's Grandma. A great way to go.... it's so much better like that, than to bow out in a hospital. I'm sure my Dad is thinking along the same lines, with his current activities. 

And the beach! I love the beach, too. I hope that when my husband and I finally retire for good, that we can retire to live by the ocean. That is my dream. I sometimes think that I can hear the sea calling to me. 

Right now, we live around 3.5 hours from the sea. Too far to go for a day trip! Although, this week, I went on a 8 hour round trip to visit our capital city!  I had my first meeting with my PhD surpervisor. 

How are you @Owlunar? Any plans for the day?

[Sahara]

Sahara's Big Day.

(No, not my wedding day!) This week I got to meet my potential PhD supervisor. He is so nice.. it is truly amazing. I am very lucky. 

The supervisor I had when I did my master's degree was an arrogant fool! I did not know any different at that time, so I just went along with whatever he said. He was always too busy to see me, anyway.

At that time, I was just so happy to be accepted into a master's degree program, that I don't think it would have mattered who I had as a supervisor. It's like I was grateful for his inadequate and disinterested support.... I did not have any confidence back then.

But meeting this new person.... there is a world of difference. He just seems really humble and normal. We just had an ordinary conversation together.... and then he assured me that I was accepted into the uni, and that all I had to do was fill in the forms. So I am in! He will supervise me- we have enough common interests in our research topics to go forward... it's really exciting.

Things are really looking up for me in this respect... having a project that I can get my teeth into. Especially after my disappointment with the community project I was involved in. That was such a farce... I am so glad I dropped it. 

[Former-Member]

Really happy for you @Sahara. You must be so smart 🙂 So glad this supervisor is a big improvement. Wish you all the very best with it, wtg! 🌷🌿