The Challenges of Mental Health Wellbeing

[Sans911]

I understand that when we/I don't come online, all sorts of terrible things enter our minds. And one of those is 'are they still alive?'. I didn't want you to think that at all. Even though I have been back to that dark place.  The helpline was what triggered my SH when they said that invalidation and critiscism is part of life and I need to learn to deal with it- that it is my choice to sh as well.

I have to get going for my walk soon. right now it is the last thig i want to. it is very cool here  this morning, and a nice warm kitty is purring on my lap.The lady I walk with has pulled out this morning, so I could easily sit here in bed.

@Snowie@outlander

[outlander]

Of course we worry about you @Sans911 it is unusual for you to go missing for a few days without a few likes here and there ir a check in.
Like was meantioned last night yes its up to you but the constant lack of understanding is rather hard to deal with in our times of need.

Hopefully youll be ok walking. Might help to reset your mind a little bit..

[Snowie]

@Sans911I think that is the risk we take with making these connections online. Doesn't really make it any easier, but I think we all have those thoughts when people don't come online.

I have had my pdoc say that it is my choice to sh and it did not go down well. I think that was when I ended up being the closest I had ever been...... Helping people are so unhelpful at times.

Please put yourself first hun, we will be here for you when you need us. 

[Appleblossom]

Yes I was also concerned, @Sans911 but you do have a big sense of responsbility for the forum.

Glad you checked in.

Pity you had to deal with blunt unhelpful comments from services.

Not sure what to do but I hope posting about it helps warn others they may have to deal with that.  .. and maybe services may develop some better protocols.

Take Care @Sans911

[Sans911]

Morning @Snowie @Appleblossom @Teej @Faith-and-Hope

[Appleblossom]

Good Morning @Sans911 @Snowie @outlander @skuapositive @Faith-and-Hope

I have been reading a novel by Debbie Taylor called

Herring Girl

It deals with many interesting topics as one protagonist is a therapist who had had schizophrenic episode.

I did not expect to find it as interesting....

Do you have any plans?

[outlander]

Morning @Appleblossom @Snowie @Teej @Faith-and-Hope and all here

[Owlunar]

Hi @Sans911

I hear you - I remember many years ago when I was told that we choose the way we feel I was astounded - my son was in a lot of trouble and I was anxious - about just about everything concerning him - and I was told to stop being silly - how stupid is that?

Now - so many years later I know that all our feelings are valid - they may not always be sound - which means whatever our feelings are they are very real for us but they may not be based on truth - and this is a big difference from being told we choose to have whatever we are having

Ultimately just about everything we do is based on choice - if someone decides to sit in a chair all day and stare at a wall they are choosing to do it - but what is causing them to feel as if that is all they can do - well they are not choosing that - so pass that on to SH I guess and the main idea is to find out what is causing a person to feel so bad they make dangerous choices - that sounds better to me.

It's true that criticism and invalidation happen - and it hurts like the blazes and I have had a fair serve myself - but yeah - it's rotten and no one has to like it

It takes a long time to learn to be selective in when to harden one's heart and feel less or to remain open to the world and suffer the pain of it - 

Of course the pain we feel is real and no one has to like it - we are entitled to feel miserable too - and it is a fake idea that we have to be happy all the time - basically - but being unhappy all the time is part of life for some people too and I doubt anyone can choose to feel that way. It happens

I find you to be a sensitive and caring person Sans - and some people - even therapists - really haven't got a clue about real life

People here do though

Dec

It might be hard to catch all my ideas

[Sans911]

Oh @Owlunar you are an amazing person. It's not hard to catch your ideas. You make perfect sense in everything you say but why does feel so invalidating and painful? And it doesn't relieve my distress; only contributes to it. And makes me escalate to SH. But that's my choice again isn't it to go to that level? What else do I do?

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Sans911 ...... hi 👋

Reading is something you like to do.  It is something of a joy for you, and for all avid readers, myself included .....

Can you work at reaching for self-soothing activities as opposed to self-harming or self-sabotaging activities when you feel invalidated and in emotional pain ?

It might take setting up in advance, like a coping box, so it’s ready in the moment it is needed.   It can take time to alter the default setting that we have become accustomed to responding with ..... the feelings are absolutely valid ..... I can’t stress that enough ..... it’s learbing how to comfort ourselves instead of punishing ourselves in response to that pain that is the path forward ..... and that takes support ..... it takes validation to say, how can we soothe and bind that pain for you ?

An in-your-face . “well, that’s just life ..... suck it up princess” doesn’t help anybody from my standpoint ...... that operator forgot to switch on their sensitivity chip ...... a hard-nosed response is a recording from somewhere in that person’s background that is enabling a harsh inner critic ..... and you don t need that.  

When something doesn’t belong to you, hand it back ..... role-play calling that person back and saying something along the lines of, “That was a fairly harsh response when I have called you in a highly vulnerable state ..... here ..... have it back ..... “ and press an imaginary Play button on your phone that replays the message back to them.

It takes practice, but I learned to do this with my invalidators.   The invalidating behaviours and statements were in such a regular pattern that I learned to role play how to answer the next time it occurred to deflect the invalidation and pain ..... and that started to feel much better.

I hope this helps ...... 🤗💐💕