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Today is the 14th of December. It is two years today since I graduated, which means it is also two years since I said goodbye to my awesome uni counsellor, K.
K came to my graduation because I had no one else to come and watch me. I spent most of the day in tears. It was truly awful. Twelve years of effort, to get a completely useless piece of paper.
After the graduation ceremony, K and I had a picnic. We had planned it down to the smallest detail. We both knew that the goodbye was going to be so so SO hard. K pre-warned the campus security guys that there was a good chance they would see me in an extremely chaotic state, and that it was ok - they just needed to leave me to ride out the wave.
We had our picnic and then it was time for the goodbye. K gave me a hug and kept telling me that it would be ok. Then, as we had planned, I set a slow breathing exercise playing on my phone, laid down on the picnic rug, and cried my heart out as K stood up and walked away.
K was wrong. It hasn't been ok. I miss her. I miss her so so SO much. For my graduation, she gave me a necklace. It has a pendant on it that says: you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. For the first year after she left my world, I wore it all the time.
Last year, on this day, I was in extreme crisis partly due to therapist-take-seven having just dumped me, and partly because it was the first anniversary of the loss of K. I called K...because there was no one else to call. The call was not helpful. Two days before Christmas, I received a letter from K's boss, threatening me with legal action if I contacted K again. I haven't worn the necklace since.
Everybody leaves my world. Two days ago my turtle whisperer dumped me, thus becoming the latest name on the long list of people who I have connected with and trusted, only for them to leave. My session with TTT went super well today. But how can I ever possibly trust again???
I miss K. I miss her so so SO much. It would help so much just to have one last conversation with her, to be able to tell her where I am at now. I so badly wish I could have one final conversation with her. It really doesn't seem that much to ask, but apparently it is. I miss her. I miss her SO much. 
@Former-Member @Former-Member @NikNik
