Am Not Coping

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member So that is where Toby is!!!!! hahaha

Today is a little better. Some sleep has helped. Taking it minute by minute and trying not to think. I still don't have any energy but I don't feel as physically sick as I have done - more manageable so far!

How are you doing? - I have been so consumed my my own sh*t that I haven't even asked!

@Faith-and-Hope I need the snooze train more often - and snuggling in amongst warm purry kittens would be so calming and comfortable - not sure Toby would like that though - he does like to be the centre of attention in this house even though Cat rules the house lol

I really need to find the energy to clean up a little today and get things organised for my trip - lists for my sister re: fur babies, printing off travel stuff, packing...etc. So much to do - need to stop thinking about it just now - rest a little longer and do a little at a time later!

[Faith-and-Hope]

🤗💐 @Zoe7 .....

[Zoe7]

@utopia I leave tomorrow morning for Sydney and come back early Sunday afternoon. My sister is staying at my place as I have never been away from Toby for even one night. I am not sure who is going to fret most - I think it will be me - he really is my security blanket! Cat would have been fine on her own (but being fed of course) but I was definitely worried about Toby going to my parents or sister's and me also not being around - as we know he is never more than a few metres from me (unless we are at the beach lol). Once my sister said she'd stay here I felt I could go away for a few days, otherwise I wouldn't have considered it. 

My GP is away until next Monday. I saw her last Wed before she left. I don't see my psych for another 4 weeks. I did manage to get to the clininc yesterday to get some painkillers as I couldn't cope with the pain anymore. They fitted me in quickly between appointments - but it was with a male dr as there were no females working in the afternoon - that was incredibly difficult but I was in so much pain!!!

I don't have a care plan but I did remember to get a printout of my meds to take with me (just in case!). 

I am not going to sleep/snooze at all today as I know that will not help with any sleep tonight. I am going to take my meds early (and increase the night dose) to try to get some sleep tonight before I reach that critical point where I don't want to sleep - if I turn all the lights on early then I may avoid the fears of darkness etc. until the meds 'kick in'. It may not work - but worth a try.

I am really pleased to hear that you are going to meditation class tonight - even if you don't participate too much - it is one thing that I know you love and find some peace in doing. 

[utopia]

@Former-Member. Love the pictures. In my house, I'd end up stepping on the dog - not seeing it.
Luckily Abbey (who is white) normally finds some mud to play in - so she's only pure white for about 5 minutes after I bath her. Then it's back to rolling in mud.
@Faith-and-Hope. I've always been organised at work, but never at home. But I think you're right. I need to change my mindset and 'run' this house as if it WAS my job. Don't think I'll ever be a domestic goddess. Yuk. It's just not me. But to be a little more tidy and organised - that's something to aim for.
You are one very wise woman.
I hope you both @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope - have a good day today. ♥♥

[Owlunar]

Things sound really tough @Zoe7 - I really can't imagine how you are feeling - but it seems that you are sleep deprived yet your sleep is disturbed and the nights are really hard and long for you

It is worse because we are nearly at the shortest day too - I am guessing - I find it hard too - but not to the degree that you are - I sleep late but fine - so I really care about your

Hi @utopia

I am glad you went to your GROW meeting - anything to keep you from drinking - I understand

Yes - those meetings are highly organised -  a certain length of time for thoughts and sharing info and whatever meditations - I forget - and I went for a long time years ago

Keep trying - one thing I remember is that it is easy to build up friendships there if that is what you want to do - I had some good friends there way back in the day - and we could ring each other between meetings - now you can use social media - so much better

Lots of hugs to both of you - here's my new piece of clip art - sharing it around today

Dec

[utopia]

@Zoe7. Toby will be well looked after by your sister. He will be in his own home & he knows her. You will be the one that worries. But you can call everyday and your sister can put the phone on speaker so you and Toby can chat.
I thought you did a care plan with niknik here. Maybe I'm mistaken and thinking of someone else.
I'm sure you are going to have a great trip. You going for Liverpool? Then I hope they win. Either way the game will be so exciting for you to see live. Wow.
I'll actually follow your sporting post that night (I know I don't like sport) - but will be good to hear your review of the live game.
Your plan for early meds and early to bed tonight, sounds like a great idea that will work well for you.
Just send me one last post please. Which day is the game on?
You will be okay on this short trip. Breathe. Relax. Enjoy. You can so do this. ♥♥♥

[Zoe7]

Thanks so much @Owlunar it means so much to me to have the support of everyone here. I have said it before but I think it is worth saying again - even in my darkest times you all shine a little light in my life - and that will never be forgotten 

[utopia]

Thanks @Owlunar. After the session the GROW group go out for a cheap lunch nearby. So I'll take some money with me & see how I go. I'm not sure about the venue - as they serve alcohol there & it's the only vennue they go to. So I'll see how I feel at that time.
Yes they are a social group as well. Anyone who wants calls during the week, so they don't feel so alone. They organise bbq and get together with other GROW groups in nearby towns. They try to make it a very supportive, inclusive group. I'll just have to attend a few more times before I know if it's a fit for me.

[Zoe7]

@utopia the plan I did with NikNik won't help me while I am away - everything on it revolves around me being home - Toby, garden etc.- and being able to contact GP. I do still have the forum - that is the only thing on their thsat I can access away from home!

The game is on tomorrow night. I found out last night that 4 of the recently retired players (legends of the club) are also coming to play. This will not mean anything to you but one of those players is my all time favourite and it really was a huge surprise (and delight) to find that out. I will try to post from the game - hopefully I will be ok in the amongst so many people (and the noise) - a bit concerning but will take extra meds just in case my anxiety starts to rise too much. 

[utopia]

Thanks @Zoe7. I'll try and watch for you in the crowd tomorrow night.
And yes, your forum family will be here for you.