Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

[Meowmy]

@MDT hey Hamza, a lot of this is due to our MI. We have significant weakness mentally and emotionally. Can't compare with general public.  You are learning to deal with it. Hope we all get through. Take care. 

[MDT]

Well said @Meowmy
Just had to remind myself that I was once at hospital and in the ED and psych ward.
Here i am in real life doing a job

I've settled in at work. Boy oh boy I would rather not be here

[MDT]

So I will post but not tag

I feel that I tag too much.

At the moment I am at lunch and I got a bit of upsetting news. I matched with a nice girl on an app and we spoke for a bit but I went to check it just now and she deleted me.

It isn't so much that I was deleted that is getting to me. Its the thought that it will keep happening if I don't sort myself out.

I've gotten 5/6 of the way through the week thus far. Putting up with lots of crap. I am exhausted.

I can say that all I really want to do right now is sleep. I have had enough of this shamozzle.
I contacted my psych but he had no appointments left. I might just send him a message and ask him to supply a note to give me leave til christmas is here.

If it was for medical reasons then they can't deny it.

I feel like I have been running on empty for the past month and I have been dead inside.

The dating thing is a locus for me and I think its been hard as I forget how to present my true self... maybe because I don't like my true self atm. The irony is that back when I was dating a bit more in 2017 I was unemployed and seemed to have a better sense of self.

Now I am employed and yet I feel worse. Idk. Maybe the years doing has chucked me about too much.

I am so lost you see.

Last night I very nearly went to the ED but I didn't. Monday I was feeling rank as you could see.

This old Hams feels spent and aged. Not in a refined , careful manner. A discarded form.

I am eating my lunch and I will be praying to be out early as there isn't much work left

[MDT]

Can't take it.

Setting pace now.

[TAB]

Easy Hams @MDT think of others

[MDT]

Idk what you mean @TAB

[TAB]

Me either hams disregard @MDT

[Meowmy]

@MDT take it easy, Hamza, don't be too hard on yourself. Life is tough. Having a MI is extremely hard. You are starting in workforce. It is harsh. Take care. 

[MDT]

@Judi9877 @Shaz51 @TAB @Bunniekins @BlueBay @Meowmy  @Appleblossom @frog @eth @Angels333 @Owlunar @Former-Member @Jacques @Former-Member @Maggie @Eve7 @DJMasters @BPDSurvivor @oceangirl @WIP @Schitzo @Emelia8

Sorry everyone 😔

[BlueBay]

Hey @MDT 

don't be sorry for posting on here 

I can see you're not in a good headspace 

life is tough 

Msybe a break from eirk us what you need. 

pls tske care 

we care about you xxx