Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

[MDT]

I decided not to go to the hospital. I will go home and say to mum and dad that I very nearly did.

I had a small chat to a colleague about work and then had a laugh with someone else. So that was a bit of an antidote.

But I'm still unhappy about the rest of it all. Upset and depressed.

[Meowmy]

@MDT hey Hamza, sorry you are feeling so bad. Think going home to talk with parents is a very good idea. I have seen a lot of extremely  tough times during my MI. Every one gets bad times even without MI. Hope you can find some thing soothing tonight, like reading encouraging stories or just chill with parents. Take care. 

[MDT]

Atm i am home and had a shower already

[MDT]

@Meowmy above

[Meowmy]

@MDT hey Hamza, it's great that you had a shower to wind down. May be try to cook something nice or eat something a treat. No need to find answers to your worries. It will work out. Take care. 

[MDT]

@Meowmy 🙂
Thank you for that my friend

[outlander]

hope the chat with parents went ok @MDT and your night goes ok

[MDT]

Today I heard colleagues talking about people who suicide. I wasn't triggered by it but I was conscious of how I felt and how I was thinking. I disassociated from it as much as I could. It didn't help when I was thinking about it at the same time.

I was sad most of today about my life and who I am as a person. I felt sorry for myself and also ashamed. A loser.

So much has chnaged for me in the past several years. But a lot has stayed the same.

I no longer want to think like that but it is hard.

[Meowmy]

@MDT identidy is one of the core issues of MI. Don't worry too much. It will get better. 

[MDT]

I am on my way to work

I guess that is progress