Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

[NikNik]

You took the words out of my mouth @Phoenix_Rising - there is no need to apologise at all @Former-Member

Looks like you're surrounded by friends here tonight.

[Former-Member]

ok @NikNik yeah i am. the forums are great

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Former-Member This could be a really stupid question and I may have missed something along the line, but why do you keep living with people who seem to hate you? I'm guessing it is probably due to finances or something - that seems to be the most common reason people stay in difficult situations. You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I just know that as difficult as I find it being alone, it is a million times better than it would be for me to try to live with others.

[Former-Member]

I can relate to you so much @Former-Member I use to use all my energy in trying to please people and wanting acceptance and to be part of a group. I did everything possible to get there and I use to only want people to see my as strong. For nearly 10 years not one person saw me cry. I pretended I had it all together and I should be loved by all and perfect. Man did I have to be perfect. I wanted everyone to think the sun shined from my butt.

Then one day I just listened to mums nagging annoying saying. "They are lucky to be your friend and if they don't want to be your friend that's their loss"

Since that omg I can breath. I can't control how and what people think of me and I never will. I can only control what I think of me. If they don't like me oh well. If they do like me well they got a loyal friend.

[Former-Member]

AWWW @Zoe7 my beautiful guardian butterfly

that means so much to me . i consider you guys on here family too. i have exposed more on here than with my own off screen family. if only i could reach through the screen and hug you

i hope you ahve accepted that name, you are very worthy of it and have been through a low point and look here you are again, despite having your own troubles . i feel very close to you as well adn would do anything i could to help you through whatever your going through

hopefully ive helped you in something ive said as well. i love being here for people esp when they need it the most. ive started becoming closer to more people such as @Phoenix_Rising @Faith-and-Hope @utopia @Former-Member and many more.

ive been struggling so much and its killing me (literally as its physical pain too)

Even though i dont think that about myself im glad someone else, esp coming from my guardian butterfly, thinks that. it truely means alot to me

P.S i hope you dont mind me calling you that, i can stop if you want me to, no offence taken

[Former-Member]

im only living with them temporary, until my mum, her boyfriend and 2 sisters find their own house - currently looking. and when they move out ill be here with my pop as itll make it less travelling around and itll kepp pop company and i can do my caring job better. so until them im kinda stuck @Phoenix_Rising

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member

ive been told that many a time but doesnt seem to sink in, i guess my brain either doesnt want to accept it or i just cant accept it for some reason. i dont really know.  you make a very good point though. im so use to having these resposibilities as well- im20 and started caring at 16 and my sisters ive always had the sister looking after role but as i got older i guess everyone took advantage of it and they still very much too.

[Zoe7]

I am learning to accept it lol @Former-Member It is one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me and I'm not very good at accepting nice things being said about me - I think you can relate to that.

You're like my little baby caterpillar - struggling to find her way in her coccoon, struggling to know how to break free, struggling to see the light. But inside that little caterpillar beats a heart of gold, a strength that will push through the coccoon wall and a wisdom that will lead her out of the darkness and into the light.

...and I will be more than proud to stand beside you, watch you grow your wings and to be able to fly.

Zoe

[Baileyboy]

Hi @Former-Member been around long enough to understand exactly what you've been feeling. But I'd like to tell you that you have helped me and I have valued your opinions whenever I have visited the forums. Been absent for a couple of days, me stuff, but I was obviously meant to hear from you so I could tell you about YOUR self worth.

Listen to @Zoe7 she knows what she is talking about. Probably doesn't even remember me but helped me with words of what I would call empathetic wisdom. 

Everyone listening to you @Former-Member @Phoenix_Rising @NikNik all understand so keep talking.

Just wish I too could look forward to srious sleep. It will help.

[Zoe7]

Oh @Baileyboy of course I remember you. It has been a while since I have seen you around though - I haven't been 'myself' for a while either though!

They are such loving words from you - thankyou. I don't remember doing too much to help you out but I must have said something right! That means a lot  How are you doing - still not sleeping and hating the nights too?