SPRING-Clean Declutter - Need Help

[Former-Member]

Haha @Former-Member, clothes breed at night I think. Great wardrobe in the sky told them to 'go forth & multiply' Nothing to do with my being a shopaholic lol

 I'm a bit angry / hurt over something said to me on another thread tonight, after I poured my heart out, waste of my time and energy trying, 😭 still teary. Wish I wasn't so sensitive

'Boohoo, what's new, hurting people hurt people too"
Never mind, I'll get over it, always do.

I didnt clear much CLUTTER away today but tended to a project i've been putting off. I finished building a sideboard from scrap wood and used it to stand my nativity scene on in the front window.

[Former-Member]

Well done @Former-Member
It's a bit like losing weight. No one notices until a fair bit has gone ...

[Maggie]

@Former-Member💕💕💕

[Former-Member]

Today I decided to sit on my veranda to enjoy my morning cuppa, on such a beautiful morning. Then I realised I felt caged in by all the clutter you see in the image. The view was obstructed and I literally felt squashed in the corner. I dragged most the stuff out to make room for the nativity scene and realised I'm lumbering around STUFF i just never use / need. What you see is just 1/3 of what I'm storing for my big Garage Sale that I really don't think will ever happen. I just can't do it on my own 😞

The thing is, the reality hit me that this 'stuff' is Messing with the joy life has for me, literally blocking it... 😕  So 💡

Yep, you won't believe it, I actually rang The Charity Pick Up Truck, listed off all the things you see in this picture, ready for pickup, and booked them for next Wednesday. Its true, I did it and the stuff there is ready to go. Hopefully they'll come back every fn until its all gone. 

At least Sorting for my 'gonnado'  Garage Sale has helped in the sense that its all separated, ready to go, and the mind bending anxiety and worrying is dealt with (mostly), that stress that  I might LOSE forever, something in the outgoing, that's really, reeeeeeeeeeely important. 

This is a good thing, right!?!  Trouble is I've sunk into a depression since, really really sad, but in a different way. Like a sober reality of loss, and the futity of life. A sense of - its all coming to an end and I can't stop it, nor do I care to anymore. Yes I'm glad to be unburdened of the stifling extras in my life, but I think... it feels so sad

Just wondering if anyone knows what I mean, or has experienced similar?

Also this morning I decided not to go to Sydney for 3wks - declined to offer to housesit for my cousin. Why?. It occurred to me I have lost my family there already (you just wouldn't believe the lies and games they have thrown my way this last few days), why would I plop myself alone in a strange flat for the festive season, my most vulnerable time if year, with back to back grief anniversaries, and no support. Buzzing around down there for my family, pretending I'm some kinda super human missionary , assuming they actually want the 'help' they keep complaining they dont have, .

BUT, I'm just reminded - "a prophet gas no honour in their home town"  They certainly seem to 'expect' rather than appreciate all I give, certainly looking like a case of "casting my pearls among swine" so to speak, "where my time, effort & love is trodden into the mud..."  (great analogy for how my family has been all my life - not valued, not even as a commodity let alone as an individual). 

Do I need help? Maybe. Am I suicidal? Not really - not like the usual SI that comes with distress, this is different, sober sad wakeup moment i guess.

Appreciate any comments guys: @dugga, @Maggie, @Faith-and-hope, @Darcy, @Appleblossom, @Dec, or anyone else with a minute to spare, maybe @Luna, or @Acacia, or @Froginapond,  just feeling lost, like a hole is gonna open up in the ground and swallow me up without a trace.

, best go take a shower, thanks for listening 💜💜💜

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member  

Going through transition can be quite a wilderness experience. 

Not only are you transitioning from messy house to tidy house,a daunting task on it's own, especially as there has been and still are many different emotions involved for you, there is the family situation where big changes are happening and perhaps even more unfamiliar and uncomfortable feelings have surfaced.

I am wondering if the companionship of another little dog might be worth considering ...

[Former-Member]

Maybe it is just a life transition @Former-Member but no, I don't think a dog will help. Probably wasn't good that my bro4 was at the same time sending me long disturbing messages about his past (false memories/delusions) and wouldn't stop when I asked him to. Hate having to block ppl. Just ferling mixed up, need to talk to.

[Former-Member]

Listening if you want to talk @Former-Member  

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member - I can relate to the clutter impeding the view... I went all winter without using my open fire as bacause of all the boxes stacked up in front of it. Looking in the boxes all I see is stuff that isn't needed, not by me anyway. Toys and books and stuff and more stuff. I look at it and know that it cost money but I think it should all go to charity rather than me trying to sell it and having to put with people haggling over $5 or not showing up and even just having strangers around. I just want it all gone. People have suggested a garage sale or market stall but the thought of dealing with people is difficult for me sometimes. I also understand the issues with your brother. I have blocked my sister and never want anything to do with her again after she used me to get me to sign documents regarding my mum's estate after she died then once it was settled sent me a series of incredibly nasty and abusive text messages and revealed herself to be the person she really is. My point is just because someone is family doesn't mean we are obliged to have them in our lives. Sometimes we are better off without them and we should just spend our efforts on those who really matter - family or not. Maybe it's the same with possessions? Just keep the important stuff. Sometimes we just need to streamline our lives so we can see the treasures from the junk. Take care.

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Former-Member, sounds like you really get the issues here. Itscsilly really, all this😲 STUFF😨 & toxic people... I just don't have the energy to handle it anymore 😕 Its OK to look after myself (though I still feel guilty). Isn't it horrible when you have 'family' mistreating you. Easier to take from strangers. I like on the forums they introduced me to the concept of 'friend family'

Think more than anything with my junk is so much of it is 'gonnadoo' projects ant coming to terms with the failure or acceptance of who I've become. I lack comment, focus, organisational skills, stickability... ... ... don't like me right now

Are you OK?

[Former-Member]

@Faith-and-Hope, can you please remove that Magic Pudding picture aboce, it triggers me, That and Cat in a Hat. Tell you why one day, or not 😞 Thanks, hope you're OK?