Life can be a Pain

[Zoe7]

Cat has been snuggled up in her cave for most of the morning @Owlunar - I think she has realised that the heat from the heater spreads quickly in that direction and since Toby has stopped playing with the pillow in there she has been able to snuggle in there again. She is such a beautiful cat - I am very lucky to have her and my other little fluffball Toby 

I think having one of those smaller blow-up pools will be great for both myself and Toby - he can jump in whenever he feels like it but it won't be too deep for him to stand up. He can swim (as can nearly all dogs) but he prefers running around in the water - that is why the beach is so great - he can run with the waves as they come in and out!

I have written today off as a jammies day. I did make it to the shop this morning but now am feeling tired and my back is a little sore - so rest and recover is the go! 

My sister called in earlier for a visit - she didn't stay too long but it was nice of her to drop by. She has had a rather bad cold and hasn't wanted to give it to me so neither of us have seen each other for a couple of weeks - she knows how easily I pick up things and didn't want it to be passed on to me - it is those little things that she has been doing for quite some time now that has strengthened our relationship to a certain degree - it is nice becoming closer to my sister again 

[Appleblossom]

@Sophia1

I dont mind our different styles.Our conversations help me understand people and myself more.  I have never been one to impose agreement on others (lol ..I was at the bottom of the pile), that is what was imposed on me.

I have always had lots of feelings, simply not a vocabulary to put to them, I would be plunged into mute confusion if I came close to having to talk about them, so it became easier not to, as nobody was interested and most wanted to tell me about their life, opinions and feelings etc.

Rising above it (confusion, ignorance and fear) and simply going to school or work became my style.  It has been late in life that I have even been able to have the luxury of exploring and expressing feelings.

In my growing up there was not opportunity for any of us to express feelings. I dont blame my mother for that, as in her growing up she had to cope with endless bombers going overhead from Brit to Germany and visa versa ...  for 5 years.  God only knows what that does to finer sensibilities of a young girl 7-12.  So she became tough too.

The women in my family are very tall and very tough, but not in a rough swearing manner.  A different type of toughness, but the difference is often associated with gender and complicated my relationship tp my femininity.

I have just never been able to take anything for granted.

I LOVE your posts and the opportunity to converse, as with @Owlunar and @Former-Member .  

If I seem dominant on the forum, it is due to the many ways I relate to issues of mental illness and my determenation to try and make the system better than the one that let down my dad, brother and sister.  Over the years I have accumulated education and experience and am trying to put it to use.  lol ...Of course others hold their own opinions based on their experiences. People always disagreed with me in real life. One look at my clothes and they walked right over me.

I understand your example of helping the person lying on the road.  I usually still help the homeless as I had 2 experiences of it when young. I am not actually disagreeing with you at all ... but go behind the situation ... the teach a man to fish rather than just giving him a fish.

My life has been about coming out of being "the charity child" to developing some self respect and autonomy.  I am not as helpess as I was.

Hi @Zoe7 

[Zoe7]

Hi @Appleblossom 

[Sophia1]

Hello @Appleblossom

Your response was full of feeling I thought....

Our growing up was a parallel to a certain degree...

I too was not allowed to express emotion...or have any emotions expressed towards me....silence was more popular in our house...or conversation at prescribed times....my mum and dad loved us though...

my dad lost his mum when he was 18 and his dad when he was 26...The same year he came out of the airforce after the war. 

my mum  stayed at home with her mum whilst her dad went off in the army....her brother went off in the army and her sister joined the women's land army in UK. So mum was at home a young girl with her mum during the bombings....

It is the generation....Of course now there are more sufferers over in other countries...another subject ...ongoing suffering in the world...

I too grew up as a quiet softly spoken girl....I stood up against bullies though....Once I started work....I eventually pushed through my embarrassment...my red face and ignored the racism and sexual harrassment at work....I found confidence in speaking with clients...

I have always had determination and perseverance....the females in my family ...my mum...my sister and myself are all determined and persevere in our very different ways....

my mum who now does not talk to me lives with more intense anxiety...I am too confrontational for her with my expression of feelings...my not giving up on my "family member"...it is fear that stops her accepting the situation....fear that makes her push me away....I acknowledge this and am learning to forgive her...

Yes I agree with you in standing up to the system....I have and still do this myself....

my own "family member" mistreated...

I do not think that you are dominant appleblossom...I think that you have your own style as I said before....

You could have chosen to be offended by my response to you as some would have done...chosen to respond defensively..

you did not though...

I felt safe in explaining myself to you knowing that you can speak for yourself and do not need to be defended..

In fact the people I respect most in my life are not clones of who I am...they are true to themselves...

Thank you for your honesty and accepting my words with the intent that was meant..

I do not need to be liked by everyone either....

[Zoe7]

@Sophia1 @Appleblossom I have been following along with your discussions and what I see is 2 very capable, wise and strong women - and the world needs more of those - hugs to you both 

[Sophia1]

@Zoe7 thank you

@Appleblossom

do you realise that Zoe has just put my whole two epic dialogues into 31 words!!!

I didn't tell you  that I can laugh at myself....humour and the ability to laugh at myself has been a saving grace of mine

25 words

[Zoe7]

hahaha @Sophia1 I love that you counted the words lol - that is something I would have done 

@Appleblossom

[Appleblossom]

Ha ha re word count.

I did not know much about being good academically, but someone said dont write too long and rambling. The markers only want + or - 10%. So I took that on.

Often small is good, but not if it short circuits full  proper communication.

Without your lengthy posts. I would not have come to understand your intent and therefore not feel defensive.  Also I learned more about you. I had easiest attachment/friends with Brits than Aussies as a child. Though I grew up here.  I endured a lot of bullying.  Too much to even recognise it all or speak out about it til after my 50s.  It was roll with the punches and the kicks in the head came from females more than men.  So my sense of alienation from my "sisters in general" was lengthy and marked.

At times I was too abrupt. Force of circumstances. Trying to convey too much within a few utterances. I think my baby sister became judgemental of me in her 30s as did not realise how different her experience of mum was to me and 3 other sibs.  SO that contributed to more alienation from a biological sister.

Thanks @Zoe7 and all my female friends here on the forum.  It has been a huge journey back from where I was when I turned 40.

Gotta fly ..

[Sophia1]

@Appleblossom

endurance of what should not be can build perseverance the hard way...

You are a survivor...a strong female...

I hope that you are proud...

25words

[Zoe7]

haha @Sophia1 now you are making me giggle with your word count - it is amusing me no end tonight