Life can be a Pain

[Zoe7]

You certainly had a big day at the BBQ @Owlunar It would have been draining listening to all those people, that you did not know, talking about your son. You did an amazing job to deal with all that. Then to have to interact with your sister with her showing you the photo album must have been heart wrenching under the circumstances. You did so well to get through that and it is no wonder you are feeling drained still.

It is good that your grandaughter seems to have a nice partner and that you know his father. It is not so good that your daughter is not well still - she certainly has had a rough ride for quite some time now. 

[Former-Member]

Oh @Owlunar, any wonder you feel exhausted and muddled, so much rolling through your head from the bbq and all 😌

Holding your inner guard up in company is draining in itself, but to have your son’s loss come up in discussion 😢 those young men in your face 😞 and your family insensitivity grr. Others really have no idea, clueless! will never  know how hard this is for us 😢

And your daughter so unwell, and your sis concerns you deep down (very good btw, in not lashing out at her). And the Medicare mixup, and wrong Support worker coming.

And your last paragraph about your daughter - I hear you - my heart breaks with you on that front - they simply don’t understand.

1,000 hugs for you this morning Dec.

I think a quiet day is in order,
- quiet day
- Self Care 🌸
- lots of prayer 🙏🏽

Maybe some
- gentle appliqué or

- ‘feel good’ movies...

Walking with you Dec.

Now I know why God gave me that swan picture for you the other day. He knew this was coming and wants you to know He hold you so close to his heart. Trust Him. Snuggle into the Lord and rest a while. He will carry you through 🌷💕

[Owlunar]

Thanks @Zoe7

That's a wonderful response - it was draining and I am used to living alone, being alone, dealing with life alone - and so on - I really can't see myself living any other way - but I felt so overwhelmed hearing so many stories on the one night - and I wonder how long these men have held their thoughts in their hearts and how long they have wanted to tell me about it - I don't have to know the answer - just one thing came to me in the last moments

I have often wondered if I have given my daughter something unique and wonderful that only I could have given her - these men told me - she has my gift of listening and of being there - seeing as she is not that good at listening to me and didn't notice that before but she learned it off someone and there is not too much of it around the family,

Oh well - it must have given my sister something to think about - it's interesting that I never thought at all that my sister wanted to talk to me - and I was busy listening to these men - all of whom have been or are living damaged lives - this was some night - the clouds did clear during the evening and the stars appears after a draughty Melbourne Bayside afternoon - chilly breeze - 

I have been so tired since I am having trouble getting my executive frontal cortex working - my brain is tired - I guess I will because I always do - but I don't have to do it all before lunch - I can just make a start on the long list of things needing attention - there is always tomorrow after all

Perhaps - it's a thought - the reason I haven't been invited to the BBQs they have at their place so often is that these guys have wanted to talk about my son and my daughter has known this and has been protecting me - I will never ask - it's a different insight though

But life does go on - I didn't expect this though

And as always - my ex-h's sister was there and always supportive - I told her I am feeling an increasing need to travel overseas before it gets to late - I am wondering if my cat could stand two weeks boarded with the girls at the vet where she is so loved - I could go to NZ  - I want to - I was speaking to my son-in-law's sister - I am pretty sure I would be welcome there for a few days - and then go to the other island to see my SIL's mother - I would love to do that

Companion Cat might just have to share me before I take off to Canada - I don't know where my uncle is right now - I am thinking he is overseas which is why I am getting a passport but regardless - I can think about things for a long time but as soon as I start thinking about them it becomes real

And my daughter - my most important significant other - I am concerned - this has gone on for too long

Thanks again Zoe

Dec

[Zoe7]

You are definitely dealing with a lot @Owlunar and that has increased with the revelations from the BBQ. A trip to NZ sounds great and I hope you can also connect with your uncle  at least get a reply from your cousin to fill you in on the situation.

You have a big list of things that need to be done so tackling it a little at a time is the way to go - and yes there is always tomorrow Dec so spreading things out could be great to relieve some of the stress and lethargy as well.

I have a short list for today - shopping and chemist but also struggling to get moving myself. Think I might need another sleep before I go out 

[Owlunar]

Thanks @Former-Member

That is a wonderful post too - yes - I have a lot to do today but I will only be starting things - I am really tired - I can hardly believe how tired - and I have to go shopping today too

I really get pissed off when other people stuff-up - here and there is okay but the council does it all the time - I went out early on Saturday and got stuff for the party - which I could have done better about but I had no idea life was about to get so complicated

Is it ever - and yes - I was polite to my sister - I would not have had a fight with her at my daughter's home - and two years have passed since my aunt's funeral when my sister didn't speak to me - I think maybe she has had plenty of time to gather her thoughts on the subject and she seems to have a need to be in control of the whole world and she can't quite make it with me - pity about that - maybe she is changing herself cause she certainly looks frail.

But prayers - yes - I am a conversational prayer-person - I chat away with God in my head all the time - it's great how he is always there and regardless of the right or wrong of any situation my prayers are acceptable to him - I know I can be wrong but he is always right - 

So as far as I can I will take it easy today - the list of chores is long - atm - the list of reality is longer and a person - any person - me today - I need to store some energy

But I am out of fresh vegies - I made the lot into soup yesterday and I really have to shop

Thanks again Lapses

Dec

[utopia]

Today does sound like a very hard day @Owlunar - so please be super gentle with yourself.  Not everything needs to be done today.  Spread the chores out over the full week.  Maybe find some time to sit outside and look and listen to the birds.  Something to calm and gladden your heart. 

Now I have to know,  what is a 'female moment ' & how does that make your daughter cold?  Maybe I missed something in the reading. 

[Owlunar]

Thanks for your thoughts @utopia - they are wonderful

My daughter - and her female moment - actually the BBQ was outside and naturally in Melbourne we had a brisk wind off the bay and it was chilly - those of us who were quick enough had one of my daughter's jackets on - as she did herself - and I was outside listening to her friends but noticed that everyone was inside getting the salads ready etc - and I thought she was too

But when I went in to get the baby pavs ready she wasn't there either - so when I got my dinner she came out and sat beside me shivering and I asked - she had been lying down in her bedroom where it was warm and she must be run down because she was really shivering and she had a warm jacket on.

I noticed I was the first person she spoke to - that is saying something because I am often the last person - but Saturday evening - no - she sat down beside me and didn't want a hot coffee or a hot water - and she shivered herself warm I think but it bothers me that she was so cold she was shaking

Ah yes - a female moment - she has really bad periods and needs a hysterectomy  and is seeing a surgeon in a few weeks to see what kind of hysterectomy she needs - I don't think much of the surgeon she was seeing - this has been going on for over a year - and she is really thin.

I have so much to think about right now I don't know what order to put them in - I have someone coming to take me shopping today but other stuff - it can wait - I have home made vegie soup I did yesterday and there is plenty - that's lunch and I need to eat now

Thanks again Utopia

Dec

[outlander]

wow @Owlunar so much happening for you and your family. im abit short on words but am reading along and keeping you in my thoughts 

[Owlunar]

@outlander@utopia@Zoe7@Former-Member@Sophia1

Hi Peeps - I am not feeling useful and just catching up with myself

I am okay really - emotionally I can fall apart for a time but I get it that these things happen to everyone and right now I have had an "everything-at-once-moment" and nothing is or can be resolved atm so let time pass and time it easy it the best way to to deal with it - emotionally - my life has had enough adventures for me to know that I can cope with this and I do - as anxious as I can get at times - it seems I am getting better at it

I tried to do my passport on-line yesterday - ah sheesh - can a password be harder? 20 characters - using all sorts of characters - really - then most of the password disappears and we are all supposed to repeat the password - I am not sure how that works but am computer-literate but I couldn't manag that so I got a phone number and it is possible to get passport forms from some post offices so I took a walk and got one and had my photo taken 

I felt like crying - I had to take the clips out of my hair and take my glasses off and my photos are terrible - I never see my face without my glasses - I need them so much I wear them when I am asleep sometimes - I go to sleep reading but still - I have my glasses on pretty well 24/7 a lot - so as petty as it sounds I didn't like taking my glasses off and I really hate the photo

Enough said - that's trivial and kinda funny and today I am still tired - I still have lots of things to attend to and passports have a lot of hard to answer questions with name changes etc and I think I will give myself a day and speak to them on the phone or even make an apppointment to see them - yawn - stretch - why am I doing this when I feel so tired?

I think I will take my teddy and go back to bed

I am okay really - just worn out from the stress of last weekend and the uncertainity of the illness and operatons required for my three most significant other people - this won't go away buy pushing myself - I just need to take it easy

And of course - I have ants - they come in after the cat food but alas - as much as I would like to go outside and sit in the fresh air that is not a good idea - there are ants everywhere

But I am here if slightly wonky

Dec

[Zoe7]

Slightly wonky we can deal with @Owlunar 

You still have a lot going on and a lot to think about so nt surprised you are feeling slightly wonky. 

You have made me think about when my passport runs out - I will have to check that - not that I am likely to use it but it is handy to have. First job is finding where I have hidden it lol

Don't have a lot of time - need to leave for my next appointment soon but wanted to say hi and acknowledge your post first - so HI