Difficulty telling people how I really feel.

[Former-Member]

@Sahara,yes everyone knows what they are like,can't discuss because Im trying to keep calm,they are known for that conduct, doesn't seem to affect them ,but recently when I went for a job interview involving customer service,I live in fear of coming face to face with them,which was one relief not being successful.

I have as mentioned shut off from the world,don't talk or avoid people who can possibly upset me,or are just pure gossips.I live in a small town too,don't shop in it.thanks😴

[Sahara]

@Former-Member,

I was like you- for a full year after being sacked (2 and a half years ago now) I was very nervous about going to the shops in our small town from fear of running into my ex-boss and his wife. I was also friends with a co-worker who proceeded to shun me once I was fired, so I lived in fear of running into her too!

I honestly don't know what was the worst thing I thought could happen to me?

I would walk into town in the very early morning and use the little trail that runs through the bush by the river so as no cars would see me from the road. I would wear sunglasses to hide my eyes. 

I would go to the supermarket and buy some stuff while it was practically deserted and scurry home. I don't know if I thought people would throw rotten tomatoes at me on the street or something? Because I'd been fired from my job? I doesn't make much sense, but my mind was not healthy back then! 

I did not want to tell anyone what had happened to me. I feared they would hold it against me- they would think I was a bad employee and deserved to be sacked. Incredibly- I even thought people would hold it agaist me for asking to be paid correctly. Becuase that somehow meant that I was asking for more than I was worth? That I was too big for my boots?

F-ck me! How rediculous was I being? It really does seem incredible to me that I thought this way.

It took a long time for me to heal from all that.

I think that I am still healing. 

@Former-Member, I don't know if it worth going away for a while just for a change of scenery?

[Sahara]

@Faith-and-Hope, @Former-Member and all,

I followed up yesterday's ordeal with an email to that terrible woman that just explained a few points in writing and also asked for back-pay. 

I just wanted to be quite clear that she knows that it is an offence under the Fair Work Act to sack someone for asking to be paid correctly. It doesn't matter if they are a casual employee or not.... and it doesn't matter how long they have worked there. 

It is also unlawful to under-pay someone, even if you feel they have somehow agreed to be under-paid. The only reason someone would agree to less pay than they are entitled to is because they fear the loss of their job. ( I am thinking of my crying co-worker here, not myself).

I also requested that she only communicate with me via email, so I have a record of what was said. I really hope she does not phone me today.  She is a tyrant. 

[Former-Member]

Can't go away @Sahara,flat broke and can't leave my mother,you don't know my story,some of it is sold family farm,I moved and failed,moved back to the house my mother has in crap town.I have a more severe anxiety to you,had it for years,started more from a reaction to a antidepressant I was on for three days which left months of agitation with me vocalising syllables,facial ticks,muscle spasms,so I had to retreat to avoid triggers.

I avoid many people,have to take off in a minute,my sister is dropping my mother off,we haven't talked for years due to her actions.My mother said I don't have to go,but I won't stay here as the more distance between us the better,and mostly it will only heighten my anxiety which has been better without my mother.

I have called worse problem than you @Sahara,I am afraid of being pushed to SC if anyone upsets me.Not interested in having a conversation with anyone,and have told several pathetic people off who stuck their nose in and just pathetic people.

[Sahara]

I'm sorry @Former-Member,

somehow I believe that you can get better... that the state you find yourself in is not permanent.

I do not want to pry and everyone has their own issues. I also took an antidepressant about 12 years ago now, that effected me very badly... it induced some kind of weird psychotic symptoms. I think my dumb G.P. thought that these new symptoms were part and parcel of me being depressed.... and so he told me to keep taking that drug!! No joke. He was very stupid but all is forgiven now. 

I ended up seeing a good psychiatrist and she set me down the right path regarding meds. 

Yeah, it is hard being broke sometimes, although I am so used to it and sometimes see it as a kind of unusual blessing. Because now I have to be extrememly creative in finding ways to amuse myself without money.... so I am really improving my brain, my creative thinking and problem-solving skills.

Also I am very interested in cultures who don't value material stuff and who still maintain healthy communities. This never ceases to amaze me. 

I don't blame you for keeping clear of your sister if she is a problem person. I still absolutely continue to avoid (or minimize my time with) people who are problematic. 

xx

[Sahara]

I just drank a whole cup of coffee that tasted strange. I kept expecting the taste to change... so I just kept on drinking it! It did not change. I think the milk was off.

It's an interesting allegory for life, isn't it?

I felt some anxiety yesterday, especially in the morning. I think it's gone now. I went for a walk in nature, did some yoga and baked a cake. Then I did some sun-baking.

I think we are going on a drive to the 'next big town' today- so that is something to look forwad to. 

I also appied for a new job yesterday- it's only 8 to 10 hours a week, but it's in admin, so I would get to sit on my bum, which would be a nice change. Actually, I doubt I will get it. There would be a lot of people in this town who would want a sitting-down job, as they are very hard to come by. If I got it, that would be a miracle, as it would likely lead to more sitting-down jobs in the future. Then I would be on easy street. I have never been on easy street in all my life!

I have never sat down.... I have always been running about, chasing my tail, sweating, struggling to find time to take a pee, at my work. Stress, stress, stress.

I really think that I need to do something of my very own.... like start a blog or a small business from home... 

[Sahara]

Hi Everyone,

I have been away from the Internet for a while, as my computer has been bung. It's up and running now, but for how long, I have no idea!  

The bad news is that my Dad is in hospital again... well, he has been constantly in and out, but right now he is IN. I feel he may not be with us much longer. It is really sad, as I have already lost my Mum and now it might be Dad's turn.

My sister is very stressed out and I feel I cannot get through to her. I am afraid that she will have a nervous break-down if she keeps refusing to take any time out for herself.  She is on 'over-drive' at the moment- I think something has to give there.... she cannot go on like she has been. She doesn't really hear me when I tell her to take a break.  

I am just having a few days away form my Dad at the moment, as I was caring for him in his home and it was extremely stressful. It's peaceful here at my house... my husband is away and I miss him, but still I kind of like the peace. 

I have to motivate myself to start looking up resources for caring for a terminally ill person at home... any advice appreciated.  

[Former-Member]

Hi @Sahara

Good to see you back here. I am sorry to hear about your father. I cared for my terminally ill father too, who lived with us until he passed away. I know what it feels like, the nurses ended up knowing us and my kids by name in the hospital.

Time away is needed and hopefully your sister will see this eventually.

Is your father linked in with a pallative care team at all? My father was and we had nurses come out and perform and procedures/treatments he needed. There were also volunteers who would come out and sit with my Dad, chat with him, keep him company. Especially good when we had to go somewhere and he couldn't be left by himself.

I would encourage you t ask the hospital about this. They should be able to give you some support services you can use or contact his gp, he also should be able to help.

Hopefully this information helps a bit. It is such a hard journey looking after a terminally ill person and you need to make sure that you take time out for yourself. My thoughts are with you 

[Faith-and-Hope]

💜 @Sahara .....

[Sahara]

Thanks @Former-Member and @Faith-and-Hope,

I think my Dad's specialist is going to put us in contact with the palliative care people. I guess we will take it from there. Otherwise, there are a few doctors at Dad's G.P. clinic who are really good and switched on. 

Today is the day that my Dad's specialit has the 'big talk' with him. We believe she will be telling him that there is no more that they can do for him now. I'm not sure how much of it he will understand actually- his cognitive function seems to be a bit off, if you ask me. 

I'm not sure if his doctor will call me or my sister afterwards? Because if we rely on Dad to tell us what she said..... well, yeah. 

But you know, I am no dummy and I can see with my own eyes that Dad has really deteriorated (he has cancer) and I doubt they can do much for him....

It's so sad. He has always been such a good man, my Dad. Except that he shouldn't have let my Mum bully him his entire life. He should have made her go and get psychological help and not just put up with her! He obviously thought she was 'normal'. It so weird what happened there.