Am Not Coping

[Zoe7]

That Faith-connection must have done it again @Faith-and-Hope 

Been offline since talking to Lunar - needed to 'park it up' for a while so have been snuggled on the couch most of the time with Toby crying. I have managed to have a shower and get out of my jammies this afternoon.

What is the nasty pasty doing to you today Hon? 

[Faith-and-Hope]

He has been taking over the housekeeping so he can tell his family that I am not looking after the house and kids anymore. I am walking back from the shops with the lunch ingredients having told the kids what I am preparing, and he has walked in from the shops and given them lunch.

He is piling everything he can get his hands on through the washing machine to create a huge pile of ironing, which I can't do, and still get my painting finished in time to dry for transport ...,, setting up conflict everywhere and begging an argument so he can they say I am arguing and upsetting everyone.

😡

This is his reaction to the pdoc's feedback - a panic and control reaction ..... so I just have to grit my teeth and bite my tongue. It's on borrowed time.

[Zoe7]

@Faith-and-Hope @utopia @Eden1919 @Former-Member @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Phoenix_Rising @CheerBear @Former-Member @Former-Member @Owlunar @BlueBay @Former-Member @NikNik

[Zoe7]

@Faith-and-Hope It definitely seems like he is trying to alienate you from the family in the hope that you will be the one blamed for everything. It is quite naive of him in a way to think that the kids do not know what he is doing and cannot see how controlling he is. He really doesn't have any idea of what he is doing to everyone does he - his mother has defintiely helped to mould him into this version of himself - very egocentric and dominating - masked as love and helpfulness. This cannot go on much longer @Faith-and-Hope - you cannot continue to walk this path every day - I know you are strong but you are beginning to sacrifice the things that make you YOU and I am really starting to get concerned for you sweetheart.

Here walking with you...and holding your hand for support...

Zoe 

[Owlunar]

Aw @Faith-and-Hope

That sounds terrible - a nasty-pasty sounds a bit to good for him - I got food poisoning from a pasty once - oohhh - not good

Your kids are all young adults by now I think - so I am wondering how come you are failing them in the food department or however

Seeing as I took a few days off there could be something I have missed but I am pretty sure it's progressing and WH knows it and is going to carry on pretending you are the bad guy and can't even do the ironing - oh poor WH

I have this figured - you are the one with the faith and hope and continue - even if you have to grit your teeth in the process

I care Faith - and wish this was easier and hope this is the beginning of him finding he needs that DX - I hope so anyway

Dec

[Faith-and-Hope]

It is stating to show up @Zoe7 and @Owlunar ..... I won't go into details here yet, but I think it is going to come out in the not too distant future .... and he has enough insight to recognise that something is about to change, outside of his control.

And yes, @Zoe7, he is lacking the insight that the kids can see what is going on.

Sorry, there might be a few weeks of whinging ahead ...... 😳:face_with_rolling_eyes:😱

[Zoe7]

Whinge away @Faith-and-Hope - anything you need to get out at any time - let us help carry you just as you do for so many others 

[Owlunar]

Certainly into watching for the next episode @Faith-and-Hope

I guess you know to fold the clothes rather than iron them - and if he is unhappy about his shirts - I have a handy hint

My ex wanted his shirts ironed and I had brought drip-dry shirts and would hang them in his cupboard as they came off the line and they looked fine to me - but he knew - HE KNEW

Now how come - how did he know - so I tried a little experiment and when I hung his shirts up I sprayed a little ironing spray into the cupboard at the same time

And I won the shirt-game - I have a few more stories but one at a time is enough

I do hope it gets where it all has to go soon Faith - but I guess you will be wondering how it will come down

Dec

[utopia]

@Faith-and-Hope. If I had any strength to give - I would willing give it to you.
Ignore what you can & continue to self care.
You and your art come before the ironing. Ask the kids who understand what is happening - to help with the ironing or back you up against bully boy - so your art gets completed in time.
Sending you love and hugs and hope for peacefut times ahead. ♡♡

[Faith-and-Hope]

With 3 babies under 2yo to start with, one bouncing in and out of hospital, specialists offices, and surgery, I quickly learned how to streamline the housekeeping. My mil refers to it as "lazy". She irons sheets, towels, underwear, tea towels, and starts washing the dishes while you're still eating off them .....

The perfectionist nature setting unachievable goals is her and fil and all over their family ...,, so they don't recognise OCD as problematic - it's their normal and something to aspire to .....

The problem here is that WH was able to understand that before, and accept my take on parenting and housekeeping. His mi has caused a mental switch back to that childhood programming, and he is re-writing our family and marriage history to match his mum's script ..... after all, she is the one enabling his e.d. behaviours and covering for him ..... only too delighted to be "head wife".

It's so sad, once you look past the frustration ..... I don't know that she is going to be able to cope once we do get to dx ..... but she is not my concern. I have had a complete gutful of having to manage her toxic behaviours. Now they are under my roof, and have taken my hubby hostage ......

😔