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I don't remember my Mum ever coping either.

Her love was also shown with biting sarcasm, & it was very conditional (not unconditional).

No matter what I did as a child, it was never considered good enough - So no, I could never get it right.

I was discouraged by Mum from talking to Dad, or sharing with him (a bit like you mentioned Lapses).

Which causes problems for a boy (male), because then you can be alienated from your own Gender, because a boy's Father is usually his closest male role model.

Yes Mum saw Dad as competition for our childhood affection (like you mentioned), which is very strange & doesn't make any sense.

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