On a sciencey level - water is necessary for life ... thats why I love your puddly phrase @Owlunar and I too live through a series of conversations. I dont think of it so much as relationships, but relationships do unfold from a series of conversation and other ways of connecting.
If I think about relationships my feelings run rampant. My anxiety and panic go from zero to 100 ... so maybe its best learning to have chats.
@utopia I am really not used to feely talk. I have been getting better since I joined this forum. I did do therapy that got me in touch with my feelings, but it was within red foam covered walls. The aim was to feel very intensely, going back to the vulnerability of being a baby, there was less attention to feeling words. Those times in primal did unlock memories and images that were helpful to me. Connecting words to the feelings has been a life's journey. At the same time I was studying very cerebral stuff - Jaques Lacan - Freud - which was quite distant from feeling words. I could not really connect it all up at the time. So I am learning to do that now.
My ex was better at talking about feelings than me.I did not realise how much a people pleaser I was. He was too arrogant & skeptical which became cynical. We put a lot of emphasis on his emotional expression. I supported him to paint, sculpt and write 2 manuscripts which helped him process his psychotic delusional thoughts. The paintings were often dark, ugly and confrontational, they were better on the wall than in his head. We also talked a lot about science and the history of mental illness. I learned from him, but He complicated things by having children with more than one mother and not being able to sort that out properly in a way that was fair to me or my children. Endless whining about his ex who also had Sz. For the first 5 years I was passionate about helping him, but my body broke with the unreasonable pressures he put on me, and after years of pain I became very angry with him. I saw him last week and we were polite, but there is no love any more. It is better we are apart and salvaged the good things and resources of the marriage. We both have a house. He is a success in many ways, has been off meds for 25 years, though he is a perfectionist, paranoid and solitary. He is painting in his retirement and still renovates old houses. I gave him a purpose when I agreed to take on his baby in a dark time of his life. I respect that he struggled with mental state issues. He came from a well to do family with the top health care in the States, which helped us understand and source good psych care here.
i agree it is important to encourage young men to be in touch with feelings, but I cant be too didactic about it. I model, with humour, play fighting, relating to character, movies, computer games. Medication is muddying my son's feelings but we are working through things. He had a major episode in October which is still "delicato".
That said, I had a lovely evening with him. He cooked, we watched our show and now he is playing piano.
