@Sahara wrote:
Yeah, overall, I am feeling heaps better than I was a few months ago. I think that for me, it's a realisation that I'm the one in control of my own life, and for the most part, I can really do the things I want to do.
I was brought up to believe that I had to be there for everyone else and go along with what they wanted. It just seemed easier to try and please other people, in order to be liked and accepted. The things I wanted for myself were never given any importance. It really is incredible, when I think about it... that I could allow myself to lead a life for other people and not value myself and my own needs, at all.
The more I start to do things that are 'just for me' the better I feel. It goes against the general assumption that we are supposed to help others and be there for others, so I can barely understand this. How can it be? How can pleasing myself be the path to happiness?
Hi @Sahara
We need to do things for ourselves - I wonder where I would be today if I hadn't done that when my daughter was having a nap - or I only insisted she stay in her room - the year before she went to kinder and I had to do things when my son was at school - I did a correspondence course and studied for one hour each week day afternoon
And my mother told me that my toddler - 3 years old - hated me studying - and I felt the burn - I should not be doing that - but I continued studying - and yes - I insisted on having that time for myself but with my troublesome son I did everything I had to when he was out of the house - botheration
LIke you - there was pressure on me to do things for other people -
And a lot depends on culture - I have a friend whose mother is from Europe and if my friend gets of early any day - her mother thinks that time is for her - not her daughter - and she grasps that time
I don't expect my daughter to give up her free time for me - I think it has a lot to do with when we grew up - my mother was a glorious martyr - and I think the only time she was happy when she had a part-time job for a few years and had something for herself
I think the spin-off from what I did over 40 years ago now has it's gift in my present - I am happy to see my family but I can get by without them - I spend hours alone and I am happy in my own skin
I am glad you are finding this - it must be so hard for people who don't realise that they are entitled to please themselves
After all - if we are always doing things for other people there's a chance that no one is happy - if we please ourselves - at least one person is happy
Yes - there are times when we have to be there for other people - but it is less of a strain if we are fulfilling our own need for time and interests
Goodonyer Sahara
Dec
