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There is one thing in life that I definitely know @Owlunar - losing a child you never get over. You learn to 'deal' with it the best you can and move forward with a part of your heart gone forever. I am of the belief that each year doesn't actually get any better - you are just more equipt to deal with it.

Going away to a place you love being (no matter the weather) is your way of dealing with it an making it just a little more bearable. That is the best form of self-care you can do Dec. I remember last time you were at Lakes Entrance and still have the images in my mind of the sun shining off the water that you described back then - keep those images for yourself also. In the darkest of times the sun can guide us to a place of peace and tranquility - however briefly that may be. Hold onto those who love and care for you through this time and know that we are walking beside you and shining the light to illuminate your path when you are having trouble seeing it for yourself.

The new blooms of the spring will be upon us sooner than we think ...and you will have gotten through another anniversary, another year without him and in each new flower that blooms - imagine it is blooming for your son.

Zoe