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  • Author : utopia
  • Support : 1
  • Topic : Our stories
27 Jan 2017 01:15 PM
Senior Contributor
@Zoe7. I don't think your gp would see it as a failure. I think she would see that you were doing well. But things just became too much all at once - so maybe a new plan might need to be hatched - for future prevention.
And you do have your gp and psychologists ph nbrs. It's a case of using them when you need too.
Are you worried your gp may say it's time for hospital or a change of meds? Or are you worried she will be disappointed in you? I'm just throwing these questions out there. It doesn't mean I think that. Or that your gp will. I'm just trying to see what else might be stopping you from calling them.
It is normally fear - is that right for you?
I was in a very dark place in April/May of last year. Depression vortex had sucked me so low. Suicidal thoughts and images were so violent. Never experienced that intensity before. It was truly frightening.
And I'd tried to get better before. There were times I thought I was better. Only to crash back into my depression. But at the time - I couldn't see that my life would ever improve.
But it has. A lot of crying and hard work. And yelling and being angry and feeling new emotions.
Trying to label the emotions was a hard thing for me.
I fould label sadness - anger - frustration - happiness (note that I felt it often).
It did take a long time.
but biy I feel so much better now.
You're probably thinking - don't tell me - I've heatd this shit before - yay great for you - you're better - I still feel shit and can't see that changing.
But it does. You opened your heart and let yourself be vulnerable with another person. That takes huge guts.
It hasn't gone as you expected / hoped. That hurts. Really hurts. But remember - you did open up. And you did share. And you saw your friends true worth - her true self - and you showed her yours.
That is a truly wonderful gift to give some body.
It justvmay be a gift she is not avle to accept at the moment - until she has learnt to accept her own gift of love.

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