Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[maloo80]

Hello all 

I need a little guidance 

long story short ..

I am trying to help my 20yr old

son … 

undiagnosed mental health issues with extreme anger 

I don’t know what to do or how to get him help 

I also have anxiety and depression which I can handle pretty well but latley .. I am losing it … I don’t know how to get him help and I wanna get angry at him but I know that will not help the situation… I’m a little

lost 

[tyme]

Hey @maloo80 ,

Welcome to the forums. 

Thank you for reaching out and sharing what's been going for you right now. 

It certainly sounds very hard at the moment. Does your son live with you?

I hear your son has extreme anger. The main thing to ensure is that you are safe at all times.

Anger can be seen as simply an emotion, however, the behaviours that come with anger is probably the issue - is that fair to say?

From my own experience, I was sent to anger management by my psychiatrist. However, I never went. There were a lot deeper issues leading to the anger. Namely, emotional dysregulation. And yes, I've said things and done things I'm certainly not proud of, and things that got me into trouble.

Yet moving on, I ended up undergoing intensive psychotherapy which has made a huge difference - of course I had to be willing to make the necessary changes. However, I needed to be ready for this change.

Where there are instances of unsafe behaviour and violence, sometimes, police need to be called. 

Do you or your son have any professional supports?

Also, I'll send you an email.

[maloo80]

Hey thanks for the reply 

yes my son does live with me … 

his dad was very abusive which I think is the root of the problem and I am struggling… I am also dealing with my own problems but trying my best to help him as well 

I just don’t know where to turn as help for mental health is very hard to get and I myself am starting to give up .. hence why I ended up here 

I need help and advice 

[tyme]

Hey @maloo80 ,

Thanks for your response. I've also read your email.

I hear how hard it is for the public system to help. I've been in the public system, and this was because of numerous/many instances which required police presentation. 

I know mothers are hesitant to call the police on their own children, yet remember, it may come a time when one of you are seriously injured. As you said, your son has a MH condition. If his behaviour poses a risk and you are at risk, it's of utmost importance to contact police. Police may get him in touch with public MH services. Unless he is 'known' to the system, he'll never get in or be treated seriously.

When he is calm, is he able to reflect on his anger?

I'd encourage you to see if you are interested and eligible for SANE's free Guided Service: https://www.sane.org/referral

You deserve to be supported.

[maloo80]

Thanks again and sorry .. I always feel bad reaching out … 

yes when he is calm he feels bad and breaks down but the anger can snap any time and it is quite violent 

I can take care of myself as I have been in that situation before but my main reason for reaching out is to get him help 

I can’t really afford private care so was trying to see if anyone could point me I the right direction 

[tyme]

I hear you want to get help for him. This is certainly understandable @maloo80 . Please don't be sorry for reaching out. 

Seeing he is 20 years old, he still qualifies for some youth services which are until they are 25 years old. https://headspace.org.au/ may be a good start. If you can give them a call. However, the main question is, "Does HE want help?"

If he is not ready and willing for support, these services will not engage with him unless it gets escalated to police.

[maloo80]

Yes he wants help … I am certainly no doctor but as I have been around mental health issues my while

life .. I suspect it is bi polar as that’s also what his dad suffered from and also bpd

we have been down the path of doctors before and he had seen a psychiatrist but he was not comfortable with them and I think that hurt the situation where he feels he is beyond help 

he is on anti depression medication as well 

his behaviour broke up my relationship and I am now in my own house with him trying my best to get him the help he needs but as much as he wants help he thinks he is past help which is also another hurdle I am trying to work thru 

he can’t keep a job or a stable frame of mind so I just need a bit of guidance on the path to follow .. I am a very strong person but I do break myself sometimes and need a bit of help from someone who has been there before 

[tyme]

I wonder if he's interested in hearing from a peer? ReachOut have a peer chat he can book and speak to a peer worker https://au.reachout.com/#connect-with-others @maloo80 

In recovery, peer workers can really make a big difference because they do not have that authority like pdocs. Yes, they cannot do the clinical work, however, it may help give him the confidence to seek help.

In a lot of this, your son will need to reach out to see help.

Services include Orygen, HeadSpace, ReachOut. Kids Helpline have a webchat option. Also, https://www.betterplaceaustralia.com.au/resource/understanding-anxiety/

These are all services HE can access. 

[maloo80]

Great thanks for the suggestions.. I will talk with him and investigate options 

thankyou very much for the suggestions as that’s what I was after as I am new to sa … I don’t know what’s around 

thanks very much I really do appreciate your time very much 

[tyme]

I'll check-in with you another day and see how things are travelling. Please remember your own supports too @maloo80