Spouse in treatment facility refusing to allow visitation

[tyme]

Thank you for sharing your little victory of @Cernunnos . I think that is actually a huge step. It reminds us that things that have been happening have been part of her MH condition, rather than a personal attack on you.

I encourage you to allow her to have the time to find her feet. Hopefully a medication review will support this.

As I’ve mentioned in an early post last week or so, it is important you monitor your own psychological health and set the boundaries you need.

We are here for you, not only to celebrate your victories, but also to see you through the lowest times.

Speak soon, tyme

[Cernunnos]

Thank you @tyme 

I think today has been something of a turning point in understanding on this journey.

I was able to meet both the wife I know, and the condition I'm learning to know, in the space of 5 hours.

It was somehow able to reinforce the separation between them. And just how fragile "consensus reality/experience" can be for anyone. Including me.

[tyme]

@Cernunnos ,

Your resilience, especially over the past week, is something to be acknowledged. 

You have had to make some life-changing choices in which you did so by reaching out. That takes bravery and courage, particularly when you were feeling so vulnerable.

I cannot promise things will always be rosy, but I can say it will all be worth it.

Upon reflection of my own MH journey, I learnt so much, and wouldn’t for one moment want to change the past. My experiences with MH have made me a better person. I would not be here today speaking to you if it weren’t for the challenges that I experienced.

There’s light at the end of the tunnel no matter how dark things seem.

tyme

[tyme]

How has today been for you @Cernunnos ?

Any improvements?

[Cernunnos]

@tyme - today her been very hard.

I was able to bring in some change of clothes, photos and things which she requested through a nurse last night - although I didn't see her.

Then at 2pm today I'm informed that the unit believe they have insufficient staff in the unit to provide proper care and are transferring her to a higher dependency unit at another hospital. I am told this about 20 minutes before the transfer.  

I fly into action to see what I need to do to activate our private health insurance to get her into a consistent facility with a consistent clinical team. I have a meeting with her GP tomorrow.

But then I discover that the hospital formally changed her status from a Voluntary Patient to one under Treatment Order 3 days ago. At no time did anyone communicate this with me.  I am perhaps not surprised given my experience when I saw her.  But my understanding, from the documents I have to hand, is that as Carer - the making of a Treatment Order was to be provided to me out as an obligation under legislation. So I am furious. 

The consequence is of course she can no longer be transferred until the order is lifted.

The only bright spot is the Ward Nurse at the new facility proactively called me, had read her notes, gave me realistic expectations and told me all the things I probably should have been told over the last 3-4 days.

I'm not mad at individuals trying to do their best - but I am mad at the system.  And it only goes to show why forums and support networks like this are necessary.

[tyme]

Oh @Cernunnos ,

I'm so sorry to hear this is happening for you. It must be so hard to be kept out of the loop, especially when you are the 'carer'.

The system is far from perfect. The are absolutely under the pump. Your post brings back memories when I had to deal with the system. As soon as there is a bed available, they arrange a transfer. They don't have time to wait for communication with family (unfortunately).

On the other hand, the fact that she has been place on a treatment order, tells you she really does need help and monitoring at this time - it sounds like it will need a while to stablise things.

As hard as it is for you at this time, please sit tight. Acknowledge that there HAS been movement and progress. Although, not ideal in the way it was done, things are progressing.

This is certainly not a pleasant space to sit in so I want you to know you are not alone. 

Please do something for yourself tonight so that you, as a carer, stay well enough to care for her on her return.

Sitting with you tonight,

tyme

[Cernunnos]

Thank you @tyme  - this is as much as providing me a safe space to write out my frustrations.

It was only the attitude & demeanour of the ward Nurse, and compassion he showed, that stopped me moving into a panic about what was happening.  I was just researching whether I can still get a Private Psychiatrist involved however from what I have found it appears if someone is under treatment orders they are 'excluded' from Private attendance.

So it may be I can only try to "line things up" such that I can get her transferred once the orders are deemed not necessary, or in the circumstance as a future contingency post discharge.

My son & I went out tonight to get a bite to eat together. And he as recognised this is the time to ask for a mobile phone given our routine of life and contact needs have changed. So we did that as well 😜

[tyme]

Good on you and your son lol @Cernunnos !

[tyme]

Good Evening @Cernunnos ,

How's your darling going today? 

Hope you've been looking after yourself and your son.

Kindest,

tyme

[Cernunnos]

Dear @tyme - thank you for asking.

I was able to visit her today in the new ward for a good 90 minutes, which was positive.  It is a much more restrictive ward than her previous one, she does not have access to her phone, and she is very despondent in being located in such a place. She is however still presenting with paranoia, delusions and memory problems. She was pleased to see me, and that I will be able to continue to visit every day over the next week. The Ward staff continue to be caring, empathetic and informative.

The only tarnish to all this is that I have discovered that an "event" occurred at the previous facility that I am guessing may have resulted in the Treatment Order I was not informed about until 4 days after.  So my annoyance with the "system" has now extended to certain previous treating staff who likely knew full well of the event - my records showing that I spoke to both doctors and nurses by phone twice on the day it occurred at the start and end of the day.

I have had a phone call with my wife's GP who has recommended that, when present issues have de-escalated, that I lodge a formal complaint about the lack of due process, both her and the new facility staff agreeing that I should have been told all circumstances in order to make the most appropriate carer support decisions.

Swings & Roundabouts!