Bereavement

[Appleblossom]

I am trying to find information on bereavement on this website. Maybe I am not looking in the right place. I believe bereavement plays a large role in mental illness.

[NikNik]

Hi @Appleblossom

Can you share more information? Do you mean that bereavement can contribute to your mental health and how to manage it? When you say 'this website' do you mean the forums? or sane.org? or one of our partner sites?

You're absolutely right though - bereavement is an important topic.

Nik

[Appleblossom]

Yes I think "loss"had a lot to do with my experiences of mental illness, and many other people's stories.

I was looking elsewhere in Sane.org and did not see anything.  Wondered if there could be some fact sheets going through various aspects of bereavement.

[CherryBomb]

This is a really good point @Appleblossom. I agree with you, there can be a great deal of loss for people affected by mental illness. I'm not sure if SANE has a factsheet on this... yet! I will put this forward as an idea.

In the mean time, you might want to discuss your experiences of grief on here.

We're having a Topic Tuesday coming up this month in the carers Forums on bereavement. You're welcome to join in. 

[Bimby2]

Hi Appleblossom, I too am wanting support on grief loss as I lost a person very close to me a few

years ago now, but still miss their presence very much. Grief can really send us over the top and

upset our mental health balance. There is a griefline based in Victoria but don't know that much

about same. Hope someone on this forum may be able to assist us both re grief issues. Bimby2

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Bimby2

Sorry to hear of your loss.

Grief is so individual. I have been to a grief group, studied grief, and had a little one to one.

I received a lot of healing in a recent conversation on this site with a lady called @Decadian.  It was just weird alignment of a lot of similar issues, that we both shared, which just unfolded as we met.

I believe it is important to share and be yourself with it, when you feel the urge.

Last night when I was out with a group, they drove by dad's cemetery and I yelled out, "Hi dad" and waved. My grief about him has resolved reasonably and it is chatty, and I am ok with it, but he died in 1971. I am less comfortable with my grief about my siblings. A lot also revolves about the way in which the person died.

Go gently

or maybe as Dylan Thomas suggested

"Do not go gently in to that good night"

A lot depends on the individual and circumstances.

Apple

[Decadian]

Hi @CherryBomb

I came into this website through Compassionate Friends - I was a member there many years ago - and a volunteer for a short time - after the death of my 16 year old son in 1986 - nearly 30 years ago

They have stacks of information on grief - I must have borrowed nearly every book they had in their library at the time - and by now they probably have a lot of info on-line about the stages of grief

In fact in front of me right now there is information on their website - including Education and Resources

I am not at all susre how to define mental illness - I know I have PTSD - and a lot of family stress causing anxiety - but I saw a flier somewhere listing the symptoms of depression and I don't qualify

But I am sure that the passing of a child or a sibling - esp when there is little family support available - or any relative with whom we have an a complex and difficult past - then the grief is far harder to deal with - and maybe does aggravate, if not cause, depression

One thing I do know is that there are occasions when people are so distraught after a loss that their grief is so complicated it can be confused with Bi-Polar disorder. This is because a person will appear to be managing well with their grief only to be swamped with it

In my case - my son's behaviour was caused by his being badly wired - and he got worse as he got older - I never got a definitive dx but there were many conditions suggested

Imo - bereavement is a painful and complex issue that will cause all sorts of emotional turmoil - and maybe it depends on the nature we were born with or the nurture or lack of it that we received and people need as much support with this as any other MI

Decadian

[Decadian]

Hi @Appleblossom

Thanks for mentioning our conversation - it was very healing for me as well

We all need someone to discuss these complex issues with

@Bimby2 

I am glad you brought this up - it is a subject that could be discussed that would be helpful to us and also to many other people - there must be members who read but don't contribute - they must get a lot of help reading - I know this is true in another site where I am a support member.

We cannot know who we touch - who we help

Decadian

[eth]

@Decadian, @Appleblossom, @Bimby2  Grief has been a major part of my journey a few periods of my life but I've reached a time now where the old grief doesn't seem to get triggered anywhere near as much as it used to, say with anniversaries for example.  The main thing I learned is that grief has it's own timing and can be different every time.  One of the most hurtful things anyone ever said to me was "Aren't you over that yet?"  

You may be able to google the 'stages of grief' for more information.

[eth]

Hi @Decadian  we haven't met as I've just returned to the forums after a break for a while with my computer out of action but I want you to know I've seen several posts by you lately and you have 'touched' me.