Lived Experience Forum

[Deenie1357]

Hi, im 25 and iv had a diagnosis of Reactional Attachment Disorder (RAD) as a pre-teen, and bpd as an early adult, i thought i made progress but slowly have gone back to just not wanting or feeling like i need anyone again. Continuosly have been shown that any little trust or affection i have given has been taken for granted or not appreciated. I have one friend i appreciate but has her own stuff and doesn't properly understand and i dont like giving out any details at all so that doesn't help. My partner who i have tried to trust has always broken it in different ways and i just feel so detached and hopeless at current. I need and want support but it all seems kind of pointless and anyone that knows what RAD is will know that attachment is important to achieve but how do i do that when i keep being let down and deceived as well as dismissed? Any feedback is appreciated.

[RiverSeal]

Hey @Deenie1357, thank you for sharing your experiences with the Forums community!

It sounds like you have been going through a tough time since you were a pre-teen. You are demonstrating your resilience and strength in reaching out to your peers here. It can be challenging when our partners treat us in the way we would expect and need. The community here can support you with the way your feelings and your thoughts.

There are some other great places to share here on the Forums if you want to connect with other Members there too. You can find them here in a previous post: Looking for a space to connect with others? Find a... - SANE Forums

Thanks again for reaching out!

Take care

RiverSeal 

[tyme]

Hey @Deenie1357 ,

Sounds like you are posting about my former life - an absolute BPD-er to the core. 

Attachment issues, mistrust, rage, anger, self-harm, lack of identity - you name it, I had it.

It took a long MH to heal. It was easy either.

First step, I had to admit I was the problem.

Second, I had to be ready to seek help.

Thirdly, I had to do the work of change.

Fourthly, I had to maintain the change.

After a journey of anguish and tears, I've come to understand myself so much better and my place in the world. In doing this, having learnt to accept myself, only then was I able to accept others as they are - imperfect - just like me.

For me, the main step in learning to relate to others was to understand my own identity. This was hard. As a borderline, my whole life was getting too close to people so that I end up 'stuffing it up'.

After a few years in intensive psychotherapy targeted for borderlines, things have finally changed.

Nowadays? I don't have trust issues that hold me down. I'm so much better and can function 100% in life. Life couldn't be better.

I want you to know you are not alone. 

Do you have any specific questions in relation to BPD? I can do my best to respond.

[OM108]

@Deenie1357 

Takes courage to reach out for support and we appreciate that you are here.

@tyme has written about a personal journey of anguish and tears.." I've come to understand myself so much better and my place in the world. In doing this, having learnt to accept myself, only then was I able to accept others as they are - imperfect - just like me." Hearing these words of support and understanding from others who know this journey is gold. Accepting the failures of others and not taking it personally is crucial....but it takes time and effort and lot of support.

This is not an easy path and it will take many ups and downs as you slowly build your inner strength and resilience. Eventually you will come to stand in your own worth and be able to forgive those around who cannot reciprocate your love. Trust in your own power to know how to achieve the best life for yourself. Reach out for help if you need it.

[Deenie1357]

I appreciate your time and care you both put into replying thankyou makes me feel so valid, i am feeling alot better today after a long talk with my partner.

My best mate accidentally set a bar that i dont know is achievable for most people and alot of my family are jealous but thankful and my partner thank god is understanding and is really trying hard 🙏 

because of my RAD i struggle to attach to anyone at all, but throughout years of therapy i found my own way to get as close to a secure attachment as i think ill be able to, due to various things throughout my child and teen hood i rely heavily on truth to form trust which is the only way i feel i have been able to what i consider attach to people in order to form meaningful and fulfilling relationships, and i feel like i only truely have this bond with one person because she has never lied, hid, omitted anything she thought would hurt me because she knew how untrusting i was (without ever going into details about any mental health issues just from listening and believing me) because of her i know its possible but im also willing to accept its sometimes not easy, 

[Deenie1357]

I really appreciate your reply it is so thoughtful, thankyou. I have gotten pretty good at handling the bpd side because of phychs and the amazing amount of awareness and information as well as reaserch into it, i do think borderline playa apart in this your so right, i just think to fully be able to work through amd on getting better i need to know more about the RAD aspect whitch unfortunately is really rare and has bairly any reaserch to this day, and even less on its continuance into adulthood. 

Iv become my own armchair detective trying to find resources on adult therapy techniques for rad but havent found much, so as of current im still using my toolbox and tecniques from adolescents 

Sorry for going on lol thank you again for your support 

[Jynx]

Hey @Deenie1357 just a lil tip, if you want other members to be notified that you've responded, you can tag them - use the @ symbol and a drop down will appear, and you can choose their name. If their name isn't there, you can type it out and it should then appear for you to select, and it will show up in blue, like this: @OM108 @tyme @RiverSeal 

😉