Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[MumaBear2]

Discovered my husband of 21 years was having an affair. Spent the past 18 months going through a messy separation. Had to sell our family home and move myself and my 2 teenage sons into my parents house. 
They have a neighbour that screams and shouts almost 24 hours a day. She lives with her mother. She has occasional breaks of an hour or so where I’m guessing she has fallen asleep. She uses a lot of filthy language but mostly it’s just ranting about nothing. 
I am not in a great place mentally and this is pushing me over the edge. 
What do I do??

[Paperdaisy]

Hey @MumaBear2 That sounds like a difficult situation to be in. I'm sorry to hear about your marriage breakdown and the betrayal you experienced, that must have been really hurtful. 

It would be a lot, hearing your neighbour like that all the time. Sounds like they have their own stuff going on and that must be hard for them and whoever they live with. I don't really know if there's much you can do and that in itself can be a tricky feeling to sit with, feeling powerless. What can you change in your environment to improve the situation? Could you wear headphones and listen to music to block it out?

[MumaBear2]

Thanks for replying @Paperdaisy. 
It has been a rough couple of years and I was really hoping to be able to sit back and catch my breath and relax a little but this situation isn’t making that possible. 
I don’t think wearing headphones all day and night is feasible. I work from home for part of the day. My poor parents have put up with this for years and I didn’t realise how bad it was until we moved in. I have 2 teenage sons. We’ll all need our sleep. We can’t live our lives wearing headphones 24/7.

[tyme]

Hey @MumaBear2 ,

I'm sorry to hear that you have to hear that in the solace of your own home. That feels so unfair - as though your sanctuary has been invaded by noise.

Have police ever come around? I'm hearing how hard it must be for your whole family to have to hear all the time.

[MumaBear2]

My parents have called the police many times over the years. They’ve said there is nothing they can do unless she is threatening them. 

I actually called the police last night and they sent someone out to her house. 
Today in a particularly lucid moment, she screamed at me “go on, call the cops on me again you f*%ing c*%#. I can shout all I f*%*ing want.”

She knows there is nothing they can do. 

[scruffypuffball]

@MumaBear2@tyme @Paperdaisy can you call the local Psych Ward Triage Service (CAT Team) and ask them what your options are.  I understand they really dont do anything unless she is a threat to herself or others, but you said she lives with her mum who must be elderly and hearing that everyday would cause sleep deprivation, anxiety etc.  It **is** a form of abuse.  My brother did that to my mum (screaming at 3am in the morning, the whole neighbourhood could hear, sometimes the neighbours would stand outside our house thinking "he is going to unalive her").  Mum had blood pressure of 200 systolic the doc blamed it on the abuse (he did call her bitch everyday). This is emotional and psychological damage she is causing to her mother.  It is clear she needs expert psychiatric intervention.

[MumaBear2]

Thank you @scruffypuffball. I wasn’t aware of such services. I don’t want to call 000 because there are more urgent matters for them to deal with. 
I agree it is mental abuse for her mother. Apparently her mother told another neighbour that she locks herself in the front room with headphones on to block out the sound of her daughter. That is no way for anyone to live. 

[tyme]

Hey @MumaBear2 ,

Please don't feel someone 'needs it more'. It sounds like the mother is in a vulnerable position. Alternatively, you can call the non-urgent police number in your state. 

Let the police decide if it needs to be seen to.

I can see you have a very caring heart.

[Tilz]

@MumaBear2  It seems like really difficult to be in such a situation. Have you complain about this to police? Or what if you go and meet the neighbor and talk firmly for the reason to shout