hi forumites
I posted this earlier elsewhere online:
It's a been testing time for me this year. On the job front I am currently stuck in a role I don't really like and find tedious and dull. It's crushing me a bit tbh. I've been struggling A LOT with depressive episodes and anxiousness. I feel sorry for myself, angry and bitter towards myself a lot of the time too. It's hard. Very hard.
I recently got told at work that I should apply for a new position that was advertised because two of my managers said I fit the criteria. Well I didn't even make it to the interview stage. Failed at the first hurdle in other words. I was very annoyed by that. I thought "well I will never apply for a job here again". I actually felt the most stupid I have ever felt in my whole life - that is really saying something
I nearly went back to hospital last week as I had some SI issues (suicidal ideation) at the time at work. I was really tired and fed up as well. My health has been average I guess - Don't really go regurlay to the gym anymore as I don't care about it. I see marginal benefit coming out of it and nothing more - it's not a priority perhaps?
A priority at the moment is to both find a job that doesn't crush me with boredom and angst and also move out. I feel like a complete loser still being stuck at home. Indeed, I think people must think this about me too...
The dating game has been a joke this year - back in March i had a facebook video chat date type thing which was nice because the girl I spoke to - felt like we got along. she had to move up the coast though and we spoke a bit since then.. but the other day she just ignores me completely. IT was a long time coming I think. There was another in the same boat but without any facebook video chat. I get matches and stuff... but it never eventuates.. maybe i give off a vibe I don't actually have.. who knows.. It's stupid really.
Then today I get to work and I am sick of it by 9:30 - I tell myself that I have managed 90mins so far..
I am hoping they grant my leave request for 1 week early. I am really over the place and the whole year and all of this crap tbh
Sorry.
