Lacking direction, unsure of what I need to do and generally just fed up.......

[BlueBay]

Whst happened my friend @MDT 

@don't have to answer - just worried xx

[Emelia8]

@MDT 

Same as @BlueBay ... I dont have any answers ... but I too am worried about you. 

At least you say you are safe ... very glad to hear that. 

But its worrrying that you hate yourself Hams, and that you want to retreat from the world.

Here for a while if you feel that talking about whatever is causing these feelings, may help.

Emelia 🤗💜

[Meowmy]

@MDT Hey Hamza, hope you feel better soon. I regularly feel a bit of failure and pinned to a corner and hard to get out. But it seems better these days. Often the down days just around the corner of good days. So good days will come. 

[Maggie]

Sending my support also @MDT . Thanks for letting us know you are safe.

I hope things improve for you. Sending ❣️❣️❣️

[MDT]

Hi @Maggie @BlueBay @Meowmy @Emelia8

Difficult to know where to start.

Why do I hate myself? 2 reasons. I know I can do better and also I choose to avoid it because it is hard.

Why do I want to shut out the world? Because its so god damned noisy. It's too noisy. I don't think we are capable of taking in so much information, emotion, terror, fear, happiness, joy etc. Hasn't it all just made us crazy and divided...

I longer know what the difference between patience and waiting is...

Part of me feels very SI atm. Like I should just end it. Quit. Show the world how I feel about it. But this is wrong. Taking vengeance against the world isn't going to answer it.

I feel alone in my struggle. 2 weeks ago at a friend's birthday I went to there were some of his other friends who were nice people. There was a couple there and I heard them talking about mental health. About how they were helping each other. I was jealous as I am single still.. but I was also somehow inspired. I feel sick now thinking about it.

I feel alone again. Fate has been cruel to me this year - a bully even - things had been planned and scheduled and there was a clearer path than last year. But that went to buggery...

I hate my job. Today was evidence of that. I feel talentless and wasted in this role and have even since I started it.

You know I put my best foot forward and show up and do my bit. Two people said I should apply for the next level up in the department as it was advertised. I still don't know why I did. Stupid move. But I feel like it may help me move out and make some hay whole the sunshine in that regard to my life (independence from parents i mean)

I don't know. I'm not good

[BlueBay]

Oh @MDT  I feel I need to give you a big warm hug 🤗 

I understand what you're saying - some parts 

I really feel for you 

I don't know what to say but pls stay safe 

I would miss you if you did something 

pls tske care 

[Maggie]

@MDT  It’s really sounding difficult for you at the moment.

Please stay safe. Call someone, or get help if needed. I don’t know what else to say, other than I really do care about you, along with many others here.💙💙

[Meowmy]

@MDT hey Hamza, all this sounds pretty normal for your age. Think a lot of people go through similar struggles. May be try to shift attention. Do something completely not along this line of thinking. May be watch funny show, cook nice food, play computer game with mate. Don't worry about it. It will make sense years later. Enjoy whatever you can. 

[MDT]

Thanks all for your words of encouragement

I got home okay. Feel rank. Had an insightful on a Facebook group about culture so will be interesting to see where that goes. Time shall tell.

Gonna have a shower and clean my sunburn. Put some more ointment on my back. Not as itchy today which is good. Dunno what's for dinner.

Will maybe talk to parents about things. Idk. Dad wants to talk about work but I don't care about it. Just because we work in the same broad area doesn't mean we have to talk about it.

I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I have my psych appointment at night too so that's good timing

@Meowmy @Maggie @BlueBay

[BlueBay]

I think a day off tomorrow would be good for you my friend @MDT   😊