Lived Experience Forum

[MarronButterFly]

TW: self-harm

This is my first post on here so idk how this all works but I’m just going to put what I feel and hopefully I’ve put it into the right spot 

I feel broken, I feel like I can’t be fixed, like I’ve tried to talk to counsellor and therapists and peer workers and nothing helps I’ve tried so many things to try and stop everything I feel but I doesn’t help I feel so alone and broken like my brain doesn’t work properly and my parents just keep telling me that they are worried about me and I don’t know what to do I feel so empty and numb and I hate this feeling and the  only thing that slightly makes me feel better is hurting myself but I can’t keep doing it cause it’s bad but nothing else helps to make me feel anything 

am I broken ? Can I be fixed I just want to be normal  

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, @MarronButterFly ...I see you must've posted around 3.30 in the morning, I guess you couldn't sleep 😢

When I was reading your post I wondered whether you were on any meds...only cos I needed the meds to help me be strong enough for therapy. Then the therapy helped me a lot. 

On the forums here, you can type anything into the Search bar above to find threads on that topic. Also, a handy forum tip to tag someone is to type @ and then click on their name in the drop-down box - that way they'll get a notification that you've replied to them.

I hope you find the forums supportive...

[ExistentialRose]

Hi @MarronButterFly ,

I'm responding because I felt the exact same way yesterday (24th).

It comes and it goes.

Is there a trigger or source that you've identified? Or is it something nebulous and difficult to pin point. 

For me it's usually a sense of "unworthines" like I don't deserve to exist or I'm the only one without purpose and Im a burden to everyone. And then I go down this rabbit hole of thought and find it very difficult to climb out.

Is it like this for you?

[tyme]

Good morning @ExistentialRose @MarronButterFly @NatureLover ,

Thank you for sharing.

I feel that many of us have been in that dark place before where it seems so hard to get out - or even close to impossible. 

@MarronButterFly , I hear you have tried many supports but things haven’t really improved. I recognise the effort it takes to reach out so I really want to acknowledge this and say well done on reaching out. 

If you will allow, and have the time, I just want to share a little of my own experiences. I was in a very dark space for many years. I tried meds, therapy, counsellors, psychiatrists, peer workers, social workers, psychologists etc. Nothing worked and I pretty much deemed myself a failure. It took a lot of pain to come to the point where I had to stop striving and stop trying, and realise that I had enough of being stuck.

Only then did I really reach out and commit to therapists and treatments in a new way and changes started to happen.

Of course I’m not saying you haven’t done this. But for me, if I did the same thing any earlier, it wouldn’t have made a difference. 

The change was at the perfect time. After going through the mill of life, things began to get better and it hasn’t stopped since.

At this stage, maybe it’s about being kind to yourself?

Please know you are not alone. We are here for you.

[ArraDreaming]

Hi @MarronButterFly thank you for joining sane, I hope it’s helpful for you
You are not broken promise you that

[ArraDreaming]

Although I understand it may feel that way and I’m sorry it does

[MarronButterFly]

@NatureLover @Hey no I’m not on any meds but I’ve been thinking a lot about that honestly I feel like maybe I should I just don’t know how to go about that honestly and thanks for the help I appreciate that 

[MarronButterFly]

@ExistentialRose Yeah honestly idk it’s hard to pinpoint the feelings when they come up I really don’t know why it’s like this but it’s hard to know what I’m feeling on a regular day

[NatureLover]

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@MarronButterFly wrote:

@NatureLover @Hey no I’m not on any meds but I’ve been thinking a lot about that honestly I feel like maybe I should I just don’t know how to go about that honestly and thanks for the help I appreciate that 

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Hi @MarronButterFly , to investigate the possibility of meds helping you, you can start with your GP. 

I know meds saved my life. Good luck with your recovery journey...

[tyme]

Hey @MarronButterFly ,

Have you thought any more about whether you wanted to discuss medication with your GP?

No pressure of course. We are here for you no matter what you decide.

How have things been going for you?