Dissociation (CPTSD) from client aggression (work)

[Adge]

Hi,

I have complex PTSD due to repeated traumas (including SA) over a 20 year period, or more.

I work in disabilities, most recently with people who are often highly physically aggressive - punching, kicking, etc. These people require 2 staff to work with them at once, for safety reasons.

Over the past few weeks I am being put in as the senior "lead" staff member working with some of these people.

Recent events (days) seem to have accumulated my stress (it's all piling up). For example, last Friday I was injured by a client, & today he continued the same behaviour.

I find that I'm unable to break the cycle of dissociation (at the moment), or to give my body & mind time to recover.

Instead of dissociation (numbness & exhaustion) lasting for maybe a few hours - it's lasting for the entire evening (every day), & for the entire weekend (every weekend).

I do raise these things with my psychologist (who I see weekly). So far I'm unable to find positive strategies that help to ground & focus me.

It may be only a short-term set-back, but so far it's been going on for weeks (or months).

Adge

[Zoe7]

I can only reply from my experience @Adge. Dissociation for me happens mostly when I am tired (emotionally and/or physically) and can no longer 'fight' my thoughts and feelings. My body then 'shuts down' in order to cope.

I suspect that you are running on energy and adrenalin at work and your mind is in over-drive awaiting the next physical 'confrontation' with a client.Hyper-vigilence and adrenalin are both physically and mentally draining. When you get home and are no longer in this hyper-vigilant state - your mind and body relaxes. The down side to this is that it then allows other thoughts and feelings to take over and you do not have the 'energy' to cope. As a result you begin to dissociate as your body's way of 'protecting' yourself fromany further harm.

I used to do a similar thing on weekends. Weekdays were ok because I would be flat out at work all day and then once I got home I had planning, marking and other things to organise - this did not allow any time for anything else. By Saturday I would be so tired that I would literally sleep all day. Saturday nights were then often the hardest because I would be still tired but had time to 'think' - and as a result I would spend many nights 'staring into space' when it al got too much.

I know personally that when things at work are causing me stress then I do have moments of dissociation there too - just for a few seconds sometimes but I do know when it has happened and I do know it is more than just losing concentration.

I'm  not sure if any of this will actually help you in your situation but at least you know you are not alone in what is happening for you.

Zoe

[Adge]

@Zoe7Thanks, yes I can relate to what you said. Exhaustion seems to be a large factor (trigger).

Part of you response is missing Zoe7 (it's only partly there).

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[Zoe7]

The site just 'went away' for me @Adge - my entire response much longer ans it has now disappeared into the birtual wilderness. I will try again - if I can remember what I wrote lol

[Adge]

Thanks for trying @Zoe7, It's so frustrating when that happens (I had it a lot on a different site).

@Shaz51Your reply (thanks) seems to be blank, maybe it's a site issue.

Adge

[Shaz51]

sorry @Adge, It was me

I was telling my hubby was has Mi what you had written  ,

and he feels the same as you , he finds it very  hard and it is a build up over time

we are self employed with a very very small business due to his Mi

I have to include rest days and no work on the weekend -- sometimes it is hard when it builds up

[Adge]

Thanks @Zoe7 Yes that does make a lot of sense. In fact what you describe sounds a lot like me, very similar.

Yes it's really helpful to know that I'm not alone in this.

Adge

[Spookytookims]

@AdgeI  I suffered prolonged dissociation.  Once it finally "broke" I then suffered bouts of it, short for me was a week, out of it for a few hours or so then back in it, those few hours to me, was a relief at the time. Just to know I could come out of it and there was hope.

The only way I found to break it to a point it is now somewhat controllable is the focus method you refer to. The key of course, finding something that you can focus on and hoping your mind co-operates and sometimes this seems like an exercise in futility.  Not being much help here, I know, sorry.

Anyhow, all I did was keep trying and keep trying.  Often times focusing on trying to figure out why I was feeling like that, why I was not connecting, helped.  That way it brought me back to the "now".

I'm not sure if you already do that or not, but just throwing it out there.  I think anything that can bring you into the now should work but I also think it is more a matter of chipping rather than a case of an immediate curtain dropping, if that makes sense. At least until you get to a certain point, then the veil can lift and voila you are back.

What types of focus methods are you using can I ask?

[Adge]

Thanks @Shaz51 Yes that makes sense, perhaps we're similar. What's Mi (excuse my ignorance)?

I have Sleep Apnea, which causes on-going fatigue (I see a sleep Dr).

I had 3 emergency bowel surgeries 1 & 1/2 years ago - So my poor body has taken a hammering.

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