Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

[Former-Member]

i am . i am a total monster and a smarta55 and a sneaky liar and all the rest of it.

im a total loser, who deserves nothing.

i cant breathe, i cant focus and none of my coping strategies are working. i feel empty but full of emotions at the same time i dont even know how thats possible.

my mum hates me as with everyone else.

[Former-Member]

we would notice here @Former-Member 

Its so hard to feel alone. I didnt have any family who understood me or... well they were pretty awful actually. I don't have them in my life now. It is possible to survive the kind of crud you're going through. and be successful and happy (i'm still working on it!). you can have a future and we really never know what is just around the corner! you can make it through,

lj

[Zoe7]

You are not a monster or a loser - you are infact the opposite of all those. You deserve so much good in your life. You give and give and give to others - and some people in your life just seem to continue to take from you and continue to hurt you - that is not your fault and you do not deserve it. You are a kind, considerate and compassionate young women who has so much potential. There is not one person here that would have anything but kind words to say about you because that kindness shines through in everything you say to everyone here.'

I think you are an amazing young women who has not only had to deal with so much in her life but has also carried the weight of her whole family on her back. That kind of weight and pressure would wear anyone down. They cannot see the pain they have caused and continue to cause and you deserve so much better @Former-Member

[Former-Member]

i dont know how to make it through anymore @Former-Member 

ive tried and tried and tried and tried but they still hate me.

im a freak. a loser. a monster.

im nothing. worthless.

[Former-Member]

@Zoe7 my beautiful guardian butterfly

i cant even feel you there anymore 😞

i have no potentional, im as dumb as they come,.

im nothing to anyone anymore. it clear to me thats the case .

i dont know what to do. i can hardley breathe. i feel stuck and so weighed down . i feel empty

[Former-Member]

I would say, stop trying to be something for them... be what you want to be for you... what is it that you want? if they're like my family.. well I was never going to fit with what they liked/did.. Nothing i did was ever good enough or ok. hehe when i got into uni and told my mother her response was that I'd done it to annoy her because I knew that she 'hated' teachers. (i'd gotten into education)... I was the first person in eithre side of my family to go to university. They would constantly kick me, and I accepted it for a long time, felt like i deserved it... then met someone who I thought was different but was the same in disguise sigh! Finally finding myself and directing my life the way i want it...  What got me through back then was having my goals.. for instance I still secretly loved uni and learning and everything and it gave me a goal to work towards. What gives you some hope, some joy?

lj

[Zoe7]

I am still there @Former-Member

I am going to tell you something that you may not believe or even understand - 

Since the day I first met you I have felt a protection for you as if you were my own child - it breaks my heart that your 'real' mother treats you so badly and causes you this must pain. 

You are definitely something to me - like the child I never had - and if you were that child - I would be so proud to call you mine. 

[Former-Member]

You're something and someone to a lot of people here @Former-Member. It must be very hard to see your value and worth when you're feeling invisible, misunderstood, unimportant etc.

You're not alone here. There are lots who care about and are supportive of you.

[NikNik]

Hi @Scared
As I said in my email, I'm sorry to read things are at boiling point with your mum at the moment.

Maybe if none of your strategies are working, other members could share their strategies to be present and breathe? Ideas team?

[Former-Member]

oh @Zoe7 i dont deserve you. really i dont but i am extremely grateful your here with me.  :heart