Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

[Spookytookims]

@Former-Membersorry I was posting elsewhere and it was quite a long post.  Yes  4 times is enough and you are right, she should now try to rethink and reach out to you next.  Sorry it has come to that, sometimes people just don't understand or don't want to.  That's very hard when it happens. Acceptance is the next step, and that can be very hard to come to terms with to get to that when you lose a friend.

[Former-Member]

Thinking of you @Former-Member, wishing I had a magic wand. Don't give up, it's a long journey, it takes so much patience. But every moment of every day, it is getting better

[Former-Member]

she sat alone

alone and at home

where her screams were silent but her mind was violent

her insecurities deep inside

and they eat her alive

her faces says happy

but her eyes say pain

theats just how the day goes again and again

@Former-Member@Spookytookims@CheerBear@Former-Member@Former-Member

[Former-Member]

thats ok @Spookytookims

ive tried three times.

today we were at the horses and she just got a new horse and i went over and said oh hes a nice horse- she didnt answer me

i said whats his name and she told me his name

and i said oh hes really cute are you riding today

she grunted and said nope

im selling this horse anyway i dont like him  and then walked away i thought she was getting another brush but she went and sat in the car and played on her phone and sat on the back of her mums car

i left it and then tried to engage in conversation and she walked away again

'shes done it a few times now and ive tried to repair it and when im there she either ignores me or rolls her eyes at what i do or speaks really bluntly to me or not at all

[Spookytookims]

@Former-Memberyeah well sadly I think it's time to step back from her if that's how she is acting...  it's her problem not yours and that sounds quite immature in that she doesn't have the developed skills to handle whatever it is in a more constructive manner.

Doesn't make it any easier on you of course, but as you said, the best way seems to be you just wait and see if she contacts you at some point because to keep re-hurting yourself when that is the coldness you are receiving is not good and not self caring.

Very sad when things work out that way, and hard to accept.

[Former-Member]

yeah i guess so @Spookytookims well now that shes not around i really dont have anyone off the forums at all. im totally alone even in a room full of people 😞

why is life so hard, what did i do to deserve everything. i obviously did something

i hate being 20 its so far away from being old and wise and knowing what to do

[Spookytookims]

@Former-Member  don't worry about age.. it's just a number...  believe me some older people are no wiser as well...  and it is by experience we get wise.  It just doesn't happen without those experiences.  Believe me.

[Phoenix_Rising]

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@Owlunar wrote:

I get it @Phoenix_Rising

- at the time I felt as if no one was listening - and I think that other people were totally out of depth with what was happening in my life - even my own parents

Dec

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@Owlunar We certainly have this bit in common. Everyone in my world was out of their depth with my muddle - including me. The only difference of course was that they could walk away from...well...me...and I couldn't. My world is much calmer now without other people in it.

[Former-Member]

i definently believe you @Spookytookims

i just wish i was smarter

[Spookytookims]

@Phoenix_Rising  that really makes me very sad. It's such a horrible situation but at the same time if it has brought you some relief then I guess there is that.  So I'm not sure how to feel about it for you.  I see both sides and they conflict inside me.  Whichever you prefer I would designate my settled reaction I guess.

@Former-Member  you are senstive.  and when emotion is the overwhelming way we are feeling I don't think smart or otherwise comes into it.  Emotions are very strong and no matter how smart someone is, if they don't  or can't think through their emotions that feeling stays.  and sometimes our emotions are so strong, that can't be done.. and they stay for a while until we can put them somewhere,  and sometimes they come back and we have to do it all over again.  That's just life, well not "just"... that is life, and what we learn or don't learn, along the way, makes who we are.