Cancer took my husband of 40 years. Not coping.

[Starta]

@Former-Member

Good Morning, 

[Starta]

@Former-Member

Sorry, I'm not going really good today, my mood is really low, I want to stay in bed, but hubby told me before that I need to try and get up even if I sit on the lounge and look outside at the hills and trees, but I'm finding it hard to do this. 

I hope your day will be kind to you and your husband. I think I should go now, just in my darkness a little to much atm.

Look after yourself and be kind to yourself 🤗❤️.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Starta

Sorry to read that you are not feeling good today. It is totally understable. Your husband sounded wise - when down I find looking out at nature helped me, eased my pain a little. It reminds me of the novel of Anne Frank - when she stated in her diary when in captivity at home, that she would gaze out the window at creation which reminded her of the good helping her to stay connected soothing her mind.

Thank you so much for your kind words for me and my husband. That helps more than you know. I hope your day gets a little easier for you and you find some moments of reprieve and peace from your grief. I am always here for you 🌹

[Former-Member]

Hello @Starta @Former-Member @MoonGal @Former-Member 🙂

@Starta I'm so very sorry to hear of you loosing your husband and that you are feeling dark today. I say I'm sorry to hear you feeling dark, but also want you to hear that feeling dark is ok. So many layers to the grieving process and dipping in and out of them. I hope you have support in place and can see you finding online support here which is great. Please feel welcome to contact the SANE Help Centre M-F 10am-10pm AEST on 1800 187 263 or Griefline who are available 7 days between Midday and 3am AEST on 1300 845 745.

Here are some flowers for you to sit with in your lounge room today. Thinking of you.

Take care 🙂

 

[Former-Member]

Good afternoon @Starta.  I just wanted to stop by and let you know that I'm thinking of you today.

If you wish to talk later, I should be around. Hi @Former-Member @lola @Former-Member @MoonGal

In case you've been unable to sit on the lounge and look outside the window at the trees and hills, well ... I've brought them to you.  I hope you find it a comfort and that it may allow just a little bit of light in during an obviously dark time.  I feel sure your dear husband would be watching over you.

Please dont hesitate to  call those numbers you've been given if you feel you need a little more support at any time.  They are there for you, just as we are.

Sherry 

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[Starta]

@Former-Member

Oh Sherry, your thoughtfulness with the windows just made me cry.

My husband done the same for me a few times.

Hurts so much him not being here, 

[Former-Member]

@Starta

Sherry 

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[Owlunar]

Hi @Starta

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband who was indeed the centre of your life and you have been married to him for longer than half your life-time

This is not at all easy

How long is it since he died? I read that you have two sons but they are not handy - have you been able to tell them that things are really hard for you without their father? And how are they managing also?

No one can tell how you feel but everyone loses someone really close to them sometimes - and you have come to the right place because although we have not walked in your shoes we have grieved and you can lean on us - 

Grief is called "grief-work" and I totally understand that it is the hardest work you will ever have to do - and if you have been so close to your husband and caring for him through his cancer then how do you manage now? What do you do to cope with all your emotions?

It won't be easy - you need to start your life again and doing this slowly in small ways - there are many stages to grief and they are not going to follow each other in an orderly way - you will be desperately unhappy and miserable one moment - then experience anger - maybe you get a break from it but it comes back

I think chatting with us here is a good place to start - and also - if all of this is new to you then you need to find out as much about the process of grief and Grief Line is a great place to start also

Seeing as it's January it is unfortunately not the easiest time in the world to start getting out to find new things to do - but hey

I remember the helplessness in my life when my son died - and I was told this - a loss through death is not something you can get back to the ordinary again immediately - even soon - 

Imagine you had a heart attack - you would be in a hospital bed with tubes running in and out and you would have people around all the time and no way would you be entertaining getting out and about - and a huge loss is the same - you need time to recover

I am so sorry and I wish there were some words I could say - but alas - there are no right words - just knowing other people cared meant so much to me - I hope you find some consolation but it is not easy

All the best with that - we all care - I care

Dec

[Starta]

@Owlunar

I am truely sorry about the loss of your son, my hear goes out to you.🤗

Thank you for your gentle word,

It's been 3 months, this Sunday..

My sons are managing ok, They ring me daily, They need to work to support their families, I understand that.

Its just so hard, We were constantly together, We retired early out here, This was his dream of living in the country, 

I wish I went with him, why am I left behind, he was a good person. 

Nursing him , He was bedridden for 6 months , 

sorry can't talk to many tears.

[Shaz51]

Hello @Starta 

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband , sending you tender hugs

How many children do you have xx

sitting with you xx