Best Friends Club

[Mustang67]

Hi @Healandlove I am not doing very well today, as the grand final reminds me of what was the start of my partner's death. This was when I told him I was sick of his abuse and I was leaving him. And that night he took his life.

It took me a lot of therapy and 21 years to stop feeling guilty for his death. I really thought because of the anger that I now feel towards him, because of the abuse he put me through, that this year it might be different. But I was wrong. I can feel the sadness and tears building inside me. 

I am supposed to be going over to some friends to watch the grand final, but I don't feel up to it. My ex, who I am currently living with, wants me to go, to help take my mind off it.

Not sure if I will go yet. 

@Oaktree @Shaz51 @Glisten @rav3n @Harmonium @MJG017 @Jynx @SmilingGecko @TAB @Owlunar 

[MJG017]

@Healandlove 

Thanks for your message.  I'm not sure it's not like crowds for me.  I mean, I don't but it's more a discomfort or feeling overwhelmed.  If its' just me and 1 or 2 people then I feel much more comfortable talking to them.  When it's a bunch of people talking, I try to participate but find myself getting so "out talked" I just give up and just listen.  Then I start feeling left out or invisible because it feels like i'm the only one who knows i'm there.  Last night was the perfect example... her family all gets together and they talk about family stuff and things that are relevant to them and I listen and but there's only so much you can think to add to a conversation about people you don't know or things you have no experience with. 

Then, after a while I just give up and just sort of hope someone may think to ask how i'm doing or what I've been up to... or even how my health is.  I know it's extremely unlikely, but if they're not interested then I don't know what else I can do but sit there smile and pretend i'm listening, while knowing i'm going to get home and it's going to take a massive hit on my mood.  It's probably why I dread these get togethers so much... because I know i'll get pretty low afterwards and have to start trying to get myself out again.

Sorry, that turned quickly into a bit of a rant!  I only meant to say thank you and that I know how your husband must of felt.  None of it is easy.

[TAB]

that's hard @Mustang67  you dont deserve to lose a day thats for celebration.

maybe try it , if you can have a way to leave whenever you need to

[MJG017]

Hey @Mustang67.  I'm so sorry it's such a tough day for you today.  It's understandable that it would trigger such traumatic memories.  I'm sure you know that you're not responsible for what he did and that he must of had a lot of issues of his own to do what he did.  But I know that it's still tough to have those memories brought back regardless of any feeling of responsibility or not.  Not all these feelings make sense, especially when being forced to relive such memories.  Just do what you have to do that you feel is best for you.  That should be your only priority for today.

I would normally say to go as well to take your mind off it, but since it's going to be watching the grand final, it is hardly going to take your mind off it!  Only you can decide if you think the benefits of being around people will outweigh the grand final being front and centre.  My only suggestion would be to make the decision on what you feel is the best for you today, not whats the best for anyone else.  Is there anyone else you can go and visit today?  Or even just something else enjoyable that might take your mind off things?

Trust yourself to know what's best and go with your gut.  If you do decide to go and start to find it too difficult then don't be afraid to just leave... or just sit outside away from the game.  Good luck and let us know how you're going.  We're here if you need to talk during the day.  ❤️

Again, I'm sorry it's such a tough day for you.

[Healandlove]

@Shaz51 , oh how many coffees do you have per day? I have 1 and on really tiring days 2 😂. Nice that you talked to S3. He calls you mum 🥰. That's beautiful.  Is he the closest to you?

This morning we visited my in-laws. Always mixed feelings for me as I used to love them like my own parents but after they turned their back on when when we decided to christen our daughter (they didn't agree with it) , things changed. It was tough as I was going through post natal depression and they were very selfish and made things really difficult for us. In the end my husband decided to put boundaries and we have maintained those for 9 years now. They have apologised since and we are moving to a more peaceful relationship where they seem to still respect boundaries but unfortunately due to the major loss of trust and the horrible things they said I now keep my distance. My husband doesn't have a close relationship with them as they always favoured his younger brother. They are part of the reason why my husband has cptsd. They were not present emotionally and have always been controlling, specially his mum.

I understand that for my husband's sake we still need to keep a relationship but also for the kids. As long as they don't break the boundaries things should stay manageable. Plus they are getting old and i don't want my husband to feel the regret when they pass on. I have empathy for them but for me I can never love them. They broke my heart. And so you can see how I have lost people in my life overtime,  first them, now my sister and nephews. But I now understand my sister always rejected me. I think I should have been born in another family. Anyway...

Now I'm cleaning the house 😂.

Hope your afternoon is going well 🥰

[Healandlove]

@Mustang67 , I am so sorry. It isn't fair.

What your ex did was about him giving up on life and on himself.  It wasn't about you and you are not responsible.  I understand how hard this day is for you and why you feel anger and sadness.  Grief never leaves us but it changes over time so it can become more manageable.  Cry, release the emotions. And remind yourself how this was his choice and you had a right then as you do now to feel safe and loved. 

And don't go to your friends house if you are not up to it. Instead go somewhere else, a library, a shop or stay home and watch something uplifting on TV. 

We are all here for you. Please reach out. Today will pass and things will get easier...one day they will. Have faith 🙏🏻😘🫂

[tyme]

Hey there @Mustang67 @Oaktree @Healandlove @MJG017 @TAB !

How's everyone going? 

Some of you are probably watching the grand final?

Hope you all have a great one!

[TAB]

think this thread was @Oaktree s baby, guess it got slo o o w  here

[Blackcloud]

@greenpea oh I’m on the dsp as well!! My autism, social difficulties, mental health etc. is mainly what prevents me from looking for work. Like that’s why I can’t work at customer service jobs (or any jobs that involve needing to talk to clients/customers even if it was like for 20% of the whole shift) otherwise I would’ve quit working there immediately.

I’ve been sending my resumes to a few various recruitment agencies regarding a role I wanna work at (I wanna work at back of house type roles, any roles that don’t involve talking to customers) and so far none of the agencies I’ve sent my resumes too currently have any of those jobs available on vacant.. 😞

[Oaktree]

@TAB 

I started this group after something came up in a peer group chat. I think it may have been @tyme ’s idea. But I am thrilled that it has taken off and been so successful in connecting people. It’s great to have a thread where new members can feel they can just join in. I am loving it