living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

[Former-Member]

hi @Former-Member, @CheerBear, @Spookytookims, @Former-Member and everyone else

I've had a few ask about what its like living with DID. So I decided to do a new thread. First off for those who dont know there are varying degrees of DID, from just feeling far away or distanced to having distinct alternate personalities or identies. In my case I have distinct alters to the point they have names and one has even been diagnosed with autisim which is rare. 

So to make it so people can get a better idea I'm Aj the owner of the body. Then there is Kelly she is around the age of 4. Kelly actually started off as my imaginary friend when i was little then I went through a period of wanting to be the imaginary one due to abuse from someone i trusted. so Kelly is also the Autistic one, she will scream when touched and doesnt talk often sits and watches the clouds. the longest she has been out is 2 weeks. I am not co-consious with any of my alters when they are out i lose time. Kelly will come out usually if i feel scared or insecure and can be hard on my partner when our son wants mummy.

Next is sarah she is around 6 and is the easiest to handle often my partner cant tell she is out til she starts humming somesort of tune (we havent worked out what it is) she is a typical 6 yr old and the best part is my little boy isnt afected by her when shes out he just thinks mummy has taken time to play with him. 

Then there is Casey while she comes out very little she needs constant monitoring as she self-harms but she doesnt usually come out unless get real down. thankfully my son has never had to encounter her. 

i also have another alter but she is not as distinct as the others.

yes most of my alters a littles or children, i have been told this is because of my age when my childhood abuse started and when significant truma was present. 

i was three when my abuse started. i was 22 when i finally cut the cord of emotional abuse my mother used on me. if anyone has questions i am happy to answer them

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I did know a little about DID but not to this extent so thanks for sharing.
So you actually go into these alters? And they are distinct to others when your in each of these states?
How do you manage to get out of these alters and come back to the real you?
Sorry i dont mean to sound really nieve and you dont have to answer if your not comfortable answering these❤

[Former-Member]

all goods @Former-Member, im perfectly comfortable talking about it, so yes i actually go into these alters or more like they come to the suface to make it easier we are all competely different people we just share the one body. and each one is distinctivley different they are each a person in their own right just without their own body. im still working on control skills while i have had DID for a long time ive actually only just been diagnosed in the last few months when i agreed to tell the dr about it so learning to come back to the real me without having to wait for it to naturally happen is a new thing for me

[Former-Member]

Wow thats actually really interesting @Former-Member thanks for sharing that with us. Its interesting that they are so distinct and that they are people in their own right.
Does it make it hard for you to do things as you have so many different personalities?

[CheerBear]

Thanks so much for sharing your experience so openly @Former-Member! I really appreciate the opportunity to learn, and I have lots to learn! I don't want to overwhelm you or throw lots of questions at you so I'll hold back for now and read along but I'm looking forward to getting to know you more and am glad you found the cptsd thread Bella started 🙂

[Spookytookims]

Aj1, well that's a lot more like 'Sybil" than I thought it would be.  It doesn't sound like it is as scary for you as it is to someone reading it from the outside.  Obviously you have some level of acceptance of these "switches".  Do you think that's because of some kind of "protective" issue or to you is it just the way it is so you have come to accept "them" that way?

there seems to be a lot of children, that's interesting and seems potentially confusing.  If you aren't aware of them how do you know about them?  Does your partner video you or something?  Ok that would be very strange to watch yourself as someone else on a video but I guess it could help a lot to make sense of lost time.

from an outsiders point of view it seems so surreal but to you, experiencing it I guess it feels somewhat normal, or at least usual.  Is it annoying to you?  The losing time thing especially?  Must be really hard on your partner at times, he must be very understanding and love you a lot.  

Thank you so much for posting and letting us into your world.  So glad you found us on Bella's thread, 

Spooky

[Former-Member]

Thanks heaps for talking about this @Former-Member.
Can I ask some questions about what it feels like and how you perceive things?
How did you figure out you had DID? Did you always know or how did you come to realise you had alternate personalities?
How does it feel when you switch? Can you control it at all?
How did you get diagnosed?
Do you get gaps in your memory when you switch? If so, how do you manage that in day to day life?

I'm really worried this might be happening to me. I've just found out that I dissociate when stressed and I cannot remember what happens when I do this and I have a shocking memory where there are pretty important things that I forget ever being told or attending and I pretty much can't remember anything before the age of 9.
But I've never had the sense of having alternate personalities.
Thanks heaps!

[Former-Member]

hi all sorry for taking so long to reply im going to do individual replys so this will be longish.

Hi @Former-Member, yes it can be difficult but they have been there so long that is is just natural to me, probably why it has taken me till 24 to get medical help with them.

hi @CheerBear, your welcome but it is not difficult for me to share my mental illnesses. it can however be difficult at time to she what caused them and if you have any questions dont hold back i just may take a while to reply.

hi @Spookytookims, yes to me its not as scary as some think. i suppose when i learnt they were ther i had acceptance for them especially at a young age with kelly who was in away my protection as a sufered a range of abuse including sexual. according to my psychiartrist they all have a link to helping me through childhood truma giving them all child personas. yes it can be annoying losing time but ive learnt to keep moving past it because if i dwelled on what i missed i would miss what i could have been there for. it is hard on my partner but he knows my past and if it was too much on him he probably would have left long ago. i often have fears after long switches that he will leave and take away my little boy but i am open with those fears and he makes sure that im told everyday that hes not gonna leave otherwise he wouldnt have proposed or stuck with me for so long. i hope this gives you a better understanding. and your welcome i like informing those who want to know about these things.

hi @Former-Member, your welcome i'm glad to help you with what you would like to know. i didnt know it was DID till recently. i was in fostercare when i first gained knowledge about my alternate Kelly, i was 7 and a 14 yr old girl i was in fostercare with would sit with me during switches and protect me from the fostercarers and other children. when i came back to my self she would relay what happened and what i did. when i switch there is really no sign except sometimes i feel dizzy or lightheaded. i can not control it yet but im starting to learn how. i was diagnosed by a psychiatrist as far as im aware they are the only one allowed to diagnose DID. yes i do get memory gaps when i switch and it can be unerving but the biggest thing is not to dwell or try and work out what you missed and my most important rule is to always have someone around you they dont have to be clining to you but having someone near especially someone your alters trust can be very important. otherwise i try to live as normally as possible.

i hope i was able to answer everyones questions adeaquately if you have any more dont be afraid to ask.

[Former-Member]

i dont have any more questions @Former-Member but im definelty following this post. it is quite interesting to read about

im really gald that you have come to terms with this though, thats really great!

[-Rayne-]

Hi @Former-Member, We're also DID. We haven't been here for a while as we needed to take a break (for reasons to do with our offline life, not a problem here). Mostly, I just wanted salute you for having the courage to speak out about multiplicity, even on this site there are pressures not to - so good on you. 

There are 12 of us and our new psychologist described us last week as 'highly functional', which we were pretty stoked about 🙂

peace ~ Briar et al