Trying to swallow the anger @Former-Member but it's sitting right at the surface. Anticipating another fun phone call tonight from the ex so that's going to be excellent. Maybe I'll just leave my phone off again. I feel like I'm losing control of the monster inside of me. The person I've worked so hard not to be. The person I hate. And it's slipping through my fingers. Feeling so much anger it's all consuming. To be perfectly honest the intensity of my emotions right now is overwhelming, to the point where those thoughts of self harm are calling after me. I want very much to take my aggression out on something, anything, even if it's me. I tried sweating it out this morning, hoping exercise would kick in a natural high. It didn't. The only thing keeping me from doing anything to myself is knowing I can get a new tattoo tomorrow. No need to hurt myself when I'm already paying someone to do that. And those scars will at least be better to look at it when they heal.
I don't want to go backwards. I've worked so hard to be better than this angry shell of a person. But I feel like I can't hold on anymore. I just keep getting pushed and poked and I've had enough of it. I can't keep dealing with all this shit between me and my ex. It's too much.
