The Challenges of Mental Health Wellbeing

[Sans911]

Thank you @Appleblossom. I wish that was enough to sustain me

[Zoe7]

Hey @Sans911 It seems like you are really doing it tough right now so I will just sit here with you and let you know that I care and am here for you if you need Hon 

[Snowie]

Hearing you @Sans911. Let them tears out hun. Am sitting right next to you giving you hugs because you are worth it sweetheart 

[Teej]

Hi @Sans911

I’m not sure what to write but I guess there’s a few things I wanted to say. I’m in this strange place because I don’t know what is helpful. I’ve tried to steer away from advice because it always feels hypocritical and I know from personal experiences sometimes unhelpful, but there have been times where it’s been helpful for me to have too. Oh not to have a brain that works in circles. 

You have been on my mind the the last few days. I tried to make an ecard for you but failed. However as a jump to the left I discovered something that I’m feeling a little dumb for in that it’s taken me this long to work out. It’s your user name. When I was thinking about what to write on the message I was going to write sans as short which I’ve done heaps before but never realised. I know sans means without (through study of typography :face_with_rolling_eyes:). It felt strange to write 'without' so when I put your whole name together I realised how clever it was.....without emergency services. 

So in keeping up with supporting finding a life that won’t require emergency services 😘 I want to share this as a friend. You are not the sum of the hard things today. It’s your mums choice as to how she reacts to you caring for her. If she blames you it’s her choice to do so. You’ve done the caring thing and tried to look out for her which is kind and admirable and a testament to your love and kindness. You tick the box for this now. You’ve done your bit. How your mother reacts is up to her and it’s not your fault. I am having to learn this the hard way too. It is taking a very long time. My situation is different but the result is the same for me. I take on the blame and guilt and shame for not getting it right when it’s not often mine. 

As for your your role in the organisation I’ve been pondering it. It seems like this is just going to be an ongoing thing in this relationship with the chair person. You need to look after you first. It seems like many of the gains you’ve made recently have come undone from your position in this group, not because of you but because of the dynamics between you and the chair. In the last few days it’s been suggested to me that I need to find something that I can join and be a part of but not have the responsibility. Maybe this would be helpful for you too until you find your feet a bit more. The chance to go to things and just be present and then go home without the stresses. I totally get that your middle name might start with c for committee (I have many associates with this as their middle names too 😊 ie Jane committee Doe and it’s been part of my make up as well). Sometimes it’s ok to just try to be and do things for pleasure that don’t create more stress. 

I get that none of this is easy. I suck at it too thus my reluctance to post it. By posting this today though I hope that it helps both of us, that it helps me to keep pushing on and you as well. I like thinking about a time when you will be without emergency services (and definitely not the morgue) because you’ll have found a life worth living. 

Thinking of you and sending strength and all my hope ....and hoping the physical healing happens quickly too. 💜🤗

[Appleblossom]

Dear @Sans911

@Teej is right about your cleverness, but both of you are big of heart.

I figured your name cos sans is used in music and I loved your old blue stick figure pic re irony of phoning emergency.

I dont expect any one thing can sustain you when the chips are down, but I also can tell you are a fighter, so I have always had respect for you as well as relating on similar experiences.

Part of my approach here on the forum, is to start a ball rolling.  

My life has shown me often how huge the odds are, but I try, you try, we try.

I have just booked a counsellor to help me do a redress form.  I cant bring myself to get it together on things I used to manage with ease.  My confidence is low atm.

Not sure if you ever joined Vanished or Clan ....

But cos dad and I were both Forgotten Oz I have an extended sense of family ...

Take Care

Apple

[Sans911]

@Teej

I never considered the meaning of my user name as you have, but actually it makes perfect sense, and you are very smart and clever. It means something different, but similar, and I can't explain. Your deduction, my dear Watson is impresssive.Please don't feel bad or ashamed. And never be reluctant to post things, even if you think it's not right, I won't understand or it doesn't make sense. Sans is also a nickname many of my friends use. My brain too is a whorly, circular hubbub.

It's nice to know I am thought of in other people's minds. I made a video from the conference last week to other people with SI, to say even though they think no-one cares, people do. I think of strangers often, and wish them well, wish them chances and opportunities to move forward, away from their pain and anguish.

My mother didn't blame me today for what happened. Moreover, I blame myself for perhaps expecting too much of her. Expecting she will understand technology in the same way my brain works. But she is wired differently to me, much differently, and has less capacity to retain information and instructions.My love and kindness @Teej don't make this world any better for me. I just feel too sensitive to be here sometimes, and the world to me feels harsh and abrasive. My kindness doesn't win me any favours, but feels more like a mill around my neck to punish me.

I like having responsibility; it makes me feel useful. I am not one to sit back and see others do the work, not because I want the accolades, but I have been raised to value work and particiption. You speak so well @Teej. There is much logic and reasoning in your words. I wish it was easier than this, I really do. I am trying to push on, trying to not listen to the chaos in my thoughts that chastise past attempts and to get this 'one' right. I am trying to hold on as I put other processes and plans in place to give me purpose and a place here in the living. It's hard though, really hard, and I wonder when will it ever end. When will I be able to live free of these thoughts, free from other people's harshness, will I ever cope with being so sensitive in an insensitive world?

[Shaz51]

@Sans911

[Faith-and-Hope]

❤️❤️❤️ @Sans911 ....

[outlander]

@Sans911

[outlander]

@Snowie