Living with Ourselves

[Zoe7]

@Sophia1 The results showed a bulging disc, degeneration and arthritis in vertebrae in my lower spine plus and muscle strain. The fall aggravated the damage already there as well as straining my muscles and bruising from what I landed on. I beging physio tomorrow - which will be an ongoing thing for some time. The initial 6  appointments are under a chronic disease care plan with minimal gap in price but after that I need to find a way to cover the cost - private health will cover some...

How are you doing?

[Adge]

Hi @Sophia1 Thanks.

I'm seeing psychologist today & yes will talk about being triggered.

It was a different person each time. Supermarket on its own with other shops nearby.

My hours have dropped to 20 per week, & they're selling off the work cars - forcing us to transport clients in our own car.

Great grandfather, wonderful.

Sorry got to go.

Adge

[Sophia1]

Hello @Mazarita

Pleased to hear that the one medication has stabilised and helped in one area....

adding another might not upset the area that has stabilised might just give you some new symptoms for a while as your body further adjusts...I imagine the psychiatrist has all of that in hand....that is why they generally do it in stages..

I have had insomnia for what seems forever...I think it goes hand in hand with trauma...

I use natural sleeping tablets then when have too long a period of zilch sleep revert back to chemical one...

even with this... if my routine or some drama happening.... usually with family...occurs ...there goes my sleep...

I honestly think that I could be knocked out with a brick and if the above happens I will be awake with my eyes shut...

Yes going with the medication change...recognising that you agreed to it...therefore let it do what it must within reason of course...does help keep that anxiety at bay...

Have you got back into your film making? tell me again what exactly that involves from your point ...without sounding insulting?   foggy head....

[outlander]

Im just waiting on physio atm @Sophia1 will be back a little later ❤

[Sophia1]

Ouch @Zoe7

Physiotherapy will help and is a fairly slow process...

bulging discs are painful...I had two many years ago....eventually they went back in...

My last MRI showed a slightly bulging disc in the lumbar part of spine which I think is where you are describing...neurosurgeon mentioned will look at again when have next MRI and see him in august for review...to check what is going on in body...My mind is telling me emphatically no more surgery regardless of results as in if any more tumours...

bulging disc should slip back in with treatment over time...

A chronic disease plan? Haven't heard of that one.....Is that with your private cover? Have you an ongoing issue long term with your back? Were you aware of the arthritis?  I was told some level of degeneration is common in most of us as we get older....the infallible years of youth behind us laugh...

Sorry about all of the questions...only answer what you want...even none if you don't feel up to it....I was enquiring more out of concern to better understand...

Me?   Good question....I am all over the place still for different reasons.....My mind seems to tell me that I have not obsessed about a certain something for a while..therefore let's bring that to the surface and let the tears flow about that just for something new...

sister visited yesterday....I felt so blech before she arrived....anticipation....then when she got here...was as I anticipated...she is so high wired and just cannot relax...her man went off to read the paper at one stage...I took that of course as not wanting to be around me...I felt that they looked at me oddly ..the words just vomit out of my mouth sometimes...I have spent so much time on my own...when in the company of others it feels surreal...

husband later told me that her man would have just given us time on our own ...which looking at it that way is lovely..

she then stated that she had hurt her knee...this is what happened previously which turned out to be a fracture later ...when she finally got around to having it looked at...understand her putting it off at the same time...she has been through so much physically ...operations...ever since losing her husband eight years ago I think it is..

eventually she listened to me rolled up her trouser leg and even though hard to see if was swollen...I could see enlargement of veins and what appeared to be either the start of bruising or a mass of veins...she didn't want to know...totally understand...I got her a stool to put her leg up and some anti inflammatory cream...she would not sit still ...next we were standing up watching the storm come in...was a magnificent sight actually...so I insisted she rest it and be sensible when she got home...then get it checked out.. she has that diagnosis of waldrenstroms disease which is a cancer that is not curable but manageable for a period of time...

so when she left I had an even more overwhelming feeling of fatality for her and my other "family member"....

life!

Zoe just ignore this ...if too much...

[Zoe7]

Definitely not ignoring your post @Sophia1 and it is not too much 

A chronic disease management plan can covers for 6 medicare rebated sessions when you have 3 or more different things you are dealing with. For me they include depression/anxiety/PTSD, high blood pressure and my back pain. Could also include my muscle weakness and/or ongoing fatigue issues. 

I have had back issues before but no treatment apart from meds and rest. I wasn't aware of the arthritis or any of the other problems but good that it was all identified and we can learn how to manage it before it gets worse.

Sorry to hear about your sister - sometimes we expect the worse and put off seeing the doctor just in case it is what we fear. I am pretty good at seeing someone straight away since I had the flu - I was so sick and put off seeing a doctor then finally had to go because I could barely move - I ended up in hospital!!!

I think your husband might have been right that your sister's man was just leaving you two alone to catch up - that is a lovely thing to do 

I understand when your mind is all over the place - sometimes when things are going ok we wonder what is going to hit us next because we are so used to life not being ok - we expect something to happen and for our world to fall apart! I have had 2 bad nights in a row - and expect tonight to be just as bad because I will be anxious about tomorrow - but today I am trying just to deal with today and get through it the best I can - that is all we can do sometimes. 

[Sophia1]

Thank you @Zoe7

I have a long way to go with recovey in many areas....am still in acute recovery stage ...informed of this by my specialist when he worked out that as usual I am placing far too high expectations on self....creatures of familiarity we are..

Yes scans..xrays have a habit of revealing the unknown about our bodies...as you said...helpful information in treatment for you moving forward..

Muscle weakness and fatigue I hope has been investigated thoroughly...

I have not read your other threads where you post so won't push for you to discuss what you safely reveal in threads on here where you feel the safest..

Sleep will come and go as it pleases...Such an annoying beast....almost teases and taunts us...certainly induces anxiety will I or won't I sleep tonight...

So I raise my glass of water to a peaceful sleep filled night for all whom I have encountered on these forums during my ongoing journey of living with myself..

cheers all 

[Zoe7]

My muscle weakness and fatigue are due to the ongoing effects from the flu @Sophia1 - commonly called post-viral fatigue which has developed into chronic fatigue but because of the other things that happened as I began to recover from that it has had longer term effects for me. It is going to take quite some time for me to be able to regain any strength - this latest fall has severaly hampered me doing anything physical. The muscle aches are all part of the ongoing issues. I have ongoing tests every couple of months and they were back in normal ranges last time so it now is a matter of getting my back sorted and back into very light exercise (mainly on the exercise bike for short periods of time in the colder weather and then back to walks along the beach with Toby when it becomes warmer again)

So I can relate to a long recovery timeframe @Sophia1 - when I tried to push myself over a year ago I became very sick again so I also need to realise that it is step by step, day by day and only a little at s time for now.

[outlander]

Good morning now afternoon here @Sophia1

My silence.....? And no i dont thnk your rabbiting on at all, your entitiled to say whats on your mind ❤ im trying to remember how you said you were doing but its not on this page. Will have another read...


Your right its not easy living with ourselves but i guess life is a journey and we are forever learning as well as adjusting. Talking here, having offline supports, self care and doing the things we enjoy make life abit better though.
Wouldnt it be great if we could click our fingers and our problems could just float away.

Ok im going to just read back over your other posts again to catch up on how your going ❤

[Sophia1]

oh I do feel for you @Zoe7

we try to overcome one physical issue in our quest for better mind health only to be knocked down by another..

you too on the bike...

I hate the blasted thing...missing my walking ..we do what we can

take care