not feeling good

[BlueBay]

Hi @CherryBomb
I don't know how to start. Maybe my psych can start. I'm scared he will be really angry with me. He'll hate me for doing it (SH). My new psych is very good and knows how I feel about this.
As for "what is coping" I think it's a lot of things like frustrated angry scared alone sad depressed. He told me today that the words "not coping" is too generalised. I need to break it down. Does that make sense?
Hope you're well.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hugs @BlueBay ..... 💙🐬💕

[Zoe7]

Hiya @BlueBay Nice to see you my beautiful little yellowflower 

I can only really explain what "I am not coping" means for me - it is different for everyone. I hope this helps:

When I say I am not coping it is the regular day-to-day things that are affected first. I don't move far from one spot, I can't focus on anything at all, my mind is usually in over-drive and I can't get any 'peace' from negative self-talk and flashbacks. My thoughts of 'it would be so much better if I didn't exist' are very prominent and I go over and over ways to stop the 'pain'. I can't deal with any kind of disruption to my solitude - I isolate myself both physically and mentally from the world - and the space directly around me becomes my reality - in other words I block out the world outside of my own mind and home completely.

I am not coping for me is a total surrender to loneliness and isolation and the total lack of energy and/or motivation to even survive.

[outlander]

@BlueBay i think speaking more to your psych would also help you as well. he can also help you through those thoughts and feelings

@Zoe7 did give a very good example as well

[BlueBay]

I just sent s text to my friend. I told her that my scan came back good but I don't feel happy. She replied "are you wishing something to be wrong with you".
WTF what does she know. Does she have depression - NO. I'm so angry I have left my ward and gone downstairs in a quiet area 😥😥

[Faith-and-Hope]

Wow that sucks @BlueBay .....

Special hugs .... 🤗💙🤗💙🤗💙💕

I am glad that your scan was good tho .... I will be happy for you for now .....

[Owlunar]

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@Phoenix_Rising wrote:

@Former-Member@Zoe7@BlueBay I am really sorry to hear you all have the sense of wanting to run away and disappear. I know this isn't even remotely helpful to any of you, but I wanted to say that your comments have reminded me how grateful I am that I have no one in my life. Even though this is scary in a lot of ways, the reality is that I HAVE run away and disappeared. I am completely free from the encumberment of family and friends. Of course, this also means I totally lack the support of family and friends, but your comments remind me that it definitely isn't all bad, being utterly alone in this world.

---

Ah @Phoenix_Rising and @BlueBay

What you say is so true - when my life got tough and my mother and sister were b^tch^ing in a major way I left the family for years - and then I had my son taken into the foster care system - not my choice either - long story - and I got my husband out of my life - good thing.

But yeah - I found my feet but how hard all of these things were when the people in my life who were so important weren't there - it was so hard -

It all worked out for me - but the thought of running away now has a different idea in it - hard to explain - but years and years and then decades passed and people have died and I find I like the person I became without the difficult people in my life

But I do run away every few months - I make plans - I think - where will I go and how will I get there - I either see an agency and organise a flight or a buy a rail ticket and get someone to watch my cat and just go away by myself

Lonely - I think it could be but we are always the same person wherever we go

I think I understand - late autumn and early winter have the worst memories and it doesn't matter how fast I run or how far I go I find I still have to confront the memories from 1986 and so

Whatever I am trying to say is getting lost within the words - run away to the Gold Coast with your husband - enjoy yourself and make up for the years where things have been so hard for you

And run back home and take a new start - I so understand

You do have a lot happening and it is hard - but this I know - we are unique so every situation is different - and harder for some than others - but hard - yes - it is very hard

I do understand - darn all these words - whatever I am trying to say is getting lost in the words

I care

Dec

[Owlunar]

Aw @utopia

I am sorry you had a stroke - that was unfortunate - no wonder you were sort of space out or something - it was what you told us - I did not notice this in anything you said

I hope workcare can see their way to paying for your trip into hospital - can you go in under medicare or your insurance if they don't? - I saw something on TV about workcare and treatment - insurance etc - how the system makes it harder

I just hope everything works for you

Lots of hugs Utopia

Dec

[utopia]

@Owlunar. I'm in hospital now. Workcover gave approval for an initial 5 days. My psychiatrist will then apply for extra days.
Workcover insurance is not there to help the injured. They are purely a company that wants to make huge profits.
I don't have private health insurance & the public hospital system wouldn't take me. I'm not sick enough for them.
But I'm here now and just trying to get through my first night.

[Owlunar]

I wonder how sick people have to be to get into a public hospital like that @utopia - it sounds mouldy

And rough when you don't have private insurance - which is massively expensive

And if I needed a few days in a private hospital for my spine that would not happen even though I have the private cover - I am disgusted about that - I would still have to go to the ED and I will not take my chronic pain into the ED - where I would wait around taking up space for no purpose - absolutely right about those big companies making money out of other people's misery

But at least I am glad you have at least 5 days - and I so hope you get more - I haven't read much about what is going on for you except that you know this has been coming on for a while - this site is so big now there is no way I can read everything so people's stories can get by me

So I do wish you the best and hope you can settle to rest tonight - ah - I have had my first nights in the Melbourne Clinic in the past - very tense and very hard to get through and sleep nights

I hope it is okay and they give you something to give you a restful sleep at least

All the best Utopia

Dec