not feeling good

[BlueBay]

Hi @NikNik @utopia @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Zoe7 @Decadian @Faith-and-Hope

I am really sorry for the past few days and nights.  I was struggling and still am to a certain point.  Having that session on Tuesday with the mental health nurse has really triggered me and brought up a lot of unwanted thoughts, memories etc.  

@Zoe7 I am really really sorry if I have triggered you.  That was never my intention and I would never want to hurt anyone. I hope you are okay and that you slept okay last night.  I did read your post and I was quite upset that I had hurt you.  I am really sorry and I hope you can forgive me.

I am hurting so much at the moment, the pain of everything has come up to surface and tear me down.

@NikNik I have replied to your email.

I think I will ring my psych and tell him how I am feeling, although I just remembered he is not in today but i will leave a message.

Again i am so sorry to everyone that gave me so mjuch support, love and care this week.  Sometimes i think i don't deserve it because thre are others on here that need more help than me. 

Bluebay 

[Faith-and-Hope]

❤️💕🐠 .... @BlueBay .....

Just keep swimming .... we're swimming with you .....

🐳🐬🐡🐟🐠🐋🐢🐙🐧🐸🐳🐬🐡🐟🐠🐋

[Zoe7]

@BlueBay 

There is absolutely no need to be sorry for anything my friend. You are really hurting and overwhelmed by your thoughts and feelings. We understand how much you are struggling and just want you to be safe.

As for me - just about anything is triggering at the moment. I think you get what this is like. 

You certainly haven't hurt me in any way and there is no forgiveness necessary. Infact I felt terrible that I wasn't able to help you!

It is so extremely tough when 'the past' takes over the present and you feel there is no way out and no way through - but today is a new day - and you made it 

I am here with you - and even when I am not in a position to help you I am still walking beside you and thinking about you - and that is because you are worth it and I care about you. So don't ever think that what you are going through is less important than what anyone else is and that you don't deserve the support - you not only deserve support but will get it here.

Sending you all my love, many comforting hugs and a shoulder to cry on when needed!

Zoe 

[utopia]

@BlueBay. Everything is okay. If you need support - we are here.
Take it easy today. Do something nice for yourself and keep cool

[Zoe7]

@BlueBay Thinking of you my friend - hope your day has had some light in it. Still beside you, still a shoulder for you, still sending you warm and calming hugs ❤❤❤

[BlueBay]

Thank you so much @Zoe7 @utopia @Faith-and-Hope for the hugs support and love for today.

Work was okay.  Not very busy but I had stuff to do.  Have to work tomorrow morning for a few hours.  Feeling very tired, actually exhausted. My back is sore as well. I called my psych and left a message to say I am not coping well after tuesday's session with the mental health nurse.

I just don't know how to deal with this trigger, it was so hard; i didn't think it would hit me so bad but it has. i probably should ring the psychologist's room and let them know. but what's the point.

@Zoe7 are you okay? i hope you are xxxooo

[utopia]

Hi @BlueBay. I'm glad you went to work today. Keeping busy helps.
Have you spoken to your daughter today? You'll have to let her know that all of us on the forum will be following her pregnancy and I'm looking forward to the ultrasound results.
Have you had a look online at the popular baby names of 2016?
I wonder if your daughter will go for a traditional name or a modern name for her bub.
I have a few decades to go before I'll be a grandma. Although my son has informed me he's never having kids - as they spend all your money. Lol. My god he spends mine.
The sweat is dripping off me. So hot here. Are you keeping cool? Do you have a bay/ocean breeze yet? We don't get those inland.

[Zoe7]

Hi @BlueBay I'm ok 

I get how hard it is to deal with something that you just didn't see coming. And when it hits so hard you just can't cope. My last few weeks have been a bit like that every day. It's sometimes the really small things that would normally not get to me that seem to tip me over the edge - combine that with whatever is going on in my head already and I crash hard. 

Nothing you have done or said has caused this for me - it's just the way it is. You do not need to worry AT ALL that you are in any way responsible for how I am feeling because you definitely aren't. I have been more worried about not being able to support you and have just needed to know that others have been able to. So glad to hear from you and that although you aren't doing great still that you have got through the day.

Still here with you my friend and sending lots of love and hugs your way 

...and @Owlunar is the same as Decadian - had computer issues and had to re-register 

[BlueBay]

Hi @utopia

My daughter has an appt with a female doctor (at my clinic) that will see her every month until she is due.  She has to have an ultrasound in the next few weeks.  Yes names - OMG they have both talked about names.  But i can't remember what she has said. It keeps changing!!  She is finding that she is tired, she has to drive for an hour to get home from work.  Poor thing. 

I think she will go with a modern name - actually just remembered if it's a girl she likes Ayla.

Today was horrible and it was so hot at work as the pharmacist didn't want the air cond on as she wasn't feeling well. So us staff had to suffer in the heat.  I opened the doors this morning to get some sea breeze in through the shop, and put the air con on  but do you know what she did - she closed the doors!!!  So I opened them up again. 

To then she closed them again and asked us to turn the air cond off.  So angry 😞

But it's good now because she has gone away for a few weeks, so the air con will go on. LOL

We have a nice breeze at home now which is nice, should sleep well tonight.

@utopia even though I am so excited and happy for this new baby I am feeling depressed, sad, down emotional and i don't know why.

How are you today? Are you okay? xxxooo

[BlueBay]

Thanks @Zoe7 for telling me about Dec.  I didn't know and when I saw it somewhere I thought is this Decadian or someone else!!!

I feel that I crash at times; i go from one extreme to the other in a very short time.  I have a lot of black and white thinking which is my BPD.  And I just can't reason with myself to understand where the grey bit is - because for me it'[s either black or white; no middle bit.  Gosh this is hard.

Do you have any plans for the weekend? I read somewhere that you had an appt with your GP today; how was that.  

I am sorry, I try to keep up with everyone's posts but it's