Want to forget TW

[Owlunar]

I really understand what you mean about opening up to your pdoc @Zoe7  - once the words are said they have some kind of innate vitality - they are given life and cannot be taken back.

They were there all the time - giving them space can bring back the negative effects which hurt us so much. Maybe they are new thoughts, memories or ideas - maybe we have known about them all the time. I have found that giving them voice gives them power - for good or ill - I have also learned not to worry about this phenomenon - I can use either for self-development. The negatives responses are harder to deal with.

It seems you are feeling better this afternoon - I am really glad you reached out to others for help - this really does help us on your various journeys - our individual journeys made be one journey but we take side-tracks often.

You have had a rotten time you did not need. That was horrible. You have been wise to share this with people who understand - I certainly understand part of it - others will understand other parts - and I am sure it all helps. Sometimes all we need is the chance to tell the story and be heard

Owlunar

[FloatingFeather]

I hope you start to feel better soon and get a good sleep tonight @Zoe7. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for you my friend.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather 

[Zoe7]

@Owlunar That is exactly how it has developed the last couple of weeks. The beginning was definitely the pdoc appointment. They are not new memories but rehashing everything at once is draining ...and can have longer term effects when there is so much piled on top. Work has been difficult - not the kids or my wonderful senior staff but as I expected - the person who is working next to me this year. I have had so many long conversations with her colleague teacher (who is a friend of mine) about how she is not only being shut out but not wanting to help with anything. A prime example is the other day she rejected the suggestion she works with me to do some testing. She has a straight grade 2 and I have the combined class. We do the testing by age so it actually meant I had 3 different tests to run. Instead of helping out with one year level, she said she wanted to do it all her own. That frustrated me but I just did mine - then I saw an aide giving the test to some students (which in itself is not allowed). I need to work around her and not let it get to me but as you would know - when we are feeling so vulnerable it magnifies the frustration.

@FloatingFeather I am feeling so much better tonight. I was a bit unsteady at the chemist but that is to be expected as it has been a rough couple of days physically. I suspect I will be quite tired tomorrow but I just need to get through the day and not put too much pressure on myself. Unfortunately being unwell has meant I am behind again in things I need to do this week but I will talk to my team leader tomorrow and see what we can arrange for me to catch up. My senior staff team are very supportive so I have no concerns about talking to any of them. 

[Zoe7]

@FloatingFeather @Owlunar @Eve7 @NatureLover @Former-Member @AussieRecharger 

I want to thank you all for reaching out in support here. It has really made a massive difference 😁 I am feeling a lot better this evening but also know it is going to be a process to be back to where I was. The next few days/weeks I need to work through a lot but it is nothing I have not done before. There are of course going to be ups and downs along the way but you have all helped me so much get through the last 24 hours better than I would have been able to on my own ...so again - thank you 💖💖💖

[Eve7]

So glad you’re feeling better @Zoe7 

One day at a time 💜

[Zoe7]

Not going as planned this evening @Eve7 but will try again for sleep soon.

[Owlunar]

You right @Zoe7  - the thoughts in our heads are one thing - the spoken word is entirely another. 

In most aspects of my life I am very open - but I do have privacies and I think everyone does - how we feel about sharing them is our business - I had an event with a psychologist a few years ago - the last session I had with her actually. I eventually felt I said too much and felt really bad about it until I got it out of my system with a good cry. I realise it was not a good fit - other people might have got on really well with her. Sometimes I am sure I am not a good patient - not easy to get on with - and that's fine with me.

I do get how things panned out for you though.

About your colleague - ah - I hear you - she feels not-included but doesn't help anyone including herself - that is hard to manage and not your job most likely - but she's there - right - and you have to deal with her. Managing your own class is enough - some people mix in well - other people don't. She must make your days look a little intimidating for you at times. I don't know what to suggest - I was an office worker mostly and kept to my own desk and didn't have to share my work. When I taught mostly it was one-on-one or in CRE - I was the only teacher so team issues haven't been high on my list. 

But I understand - I will be thinking of you tomorrow when you go back to work

Owlunar

[Zoe7]

I am not intimidated by her at all @Owlunar just frustrated. We have always had a pretty good team - shared things and held each other up but she is not a team player. It is a very different feel to the team this year - a lot of solo workers so it is going to be a hard year. I will just need to stick to my beautiful kids and enjoy their company.

[Owlunar]

Frustrated of course @Zoe7 - that's a better word

Enjoy your kids - that's the best plan - 

All the best

Owlunar

[NatureLover]

So pleased you were starting to feel stronger yesterday @Zoe7  🙂

I'm sorry that it seemed you werre struggling to get to sleep last night? I hope you managed to, and also that going back to work today works out well for you, being with the kids and having some distraction and relief from your painful thoughts. 

I can really empathise with the difficulty and pain of rehashing your history with a new psych. I hope you can settle in quickly with her and that the triggers subside. 

Sending hugs 💚