Want to forget TW

[Owlunar]

Hi @Zoe7 

I know those unexpected memories can really make us ill - and increase the pain in our bodies as well as our mind - what can I say? I have had enough of my mother - things I couldn't remember until she died - then I was safe to have those memories. Strange that.

We already know that acceptance of our past trauma is what helps us to retain our power over those who were cruel in different ways in our past. Nothing can change the past - and sometimes I wonder about the accuracy of what I remember - which is a bit confusing.

Still - I thought about this a lot - it doesn't matter what really happened - it's how it makes us feel that is where we need to do the work. Series of past events can merge - this leaves behind waking and sleeping nightmares. I am a bit of a dream investigator - not always a fulfilling task - still - it does show that there are things in our subconscious or unconscious minds that we haven't worked out. Maybe we never will - it's always a puzzle. I have read some of Freud on the subject - I don't agree with very much of what he has written - perhaps just enough to have a grasp of the inner process of the mind when we sleep.

Modern science as added more - I am still studying in my old age.

I had a lot of pain the night before last - when I did finally manage to sleep I had two dreams from beyond the grave. These were not scary - in fact I do have dreams like this now and again - and I will find some truth in them which is important. I am happy with this - The messages were simple.

Why I have these I don't know - I am glad I do. Bad dreams though - I remember them - yet I know I never tell myself I am dreaming while I have them. It seems most of the time I know I have been dreaming but can't remember anything except know they were pleasant,

Maybe a lot of this is time - I have plenty of it - I fill my days with things I like - surfing the net is a great place to learn things

Alll the best today Zoe - take the time you need to recover from this recent bad spell. 

My love

Owlunar

[Zoe7]

@FloatingFeather @Owlunar @NatureLover @Former-Member @AussieRecharger 

Thank you all for your support. I am doing a little better today both mentally and physically. I have been able to eat something and although there is still pain, it is not as bad as it has been (so far). I had another bad night but have bounced back a little easier today. Those walls do not seem to be closing in as much so that is positive.

@FloatingFeather The day was so lovely until that happened. I found I just wanted the rest of the concert to be over so I could get home. It is so hard when that happens and derails such a lovely day 😥 The really sad thing is I am going to remember it for this memory rather than the lovely day it had been. This is why I do not go out much and prefer to stay home. Unfortunately I know a lot of people in a lot of different spheres ...and even more through work ...and a lot of trauma associated with so many different situations and people ...so it is bound to happen. I have not put so much of it here on the forums but it is a lot. Events like this make me want to give up then my fur babies snuggle in and I feel their love 🐶😺 They definitely help.

@Owlunar I agree that nightmares are often a manifestation of those unresolved things and can often be caused by triggering events. For me, it is more often than not, the latter. That has been an ongoing issue for me over so many years but the intensity and frequency had dissipated over the last few years. I think the pdoc appointment a couple of weeks ago brought up so much. I have never voiced so much in such a small amount of time ...I was so proud of myself to be able to do so but have definitely suffered ongoing issues since then. I know it will ease over time ...and being physically unwell also does not help. So for now I just need to sit with it all and do the best I can to get through the days until I reach a better place again.

[FloatingFeather]

I'm glad to read you are feeling a little better today @Zoe7 - it's also good that you were able to eat a little. I hope you continue to feel better and you get a restful night's sleep tonight.

I understand what you mean around the memory of that day will now be how upsetting it was instead of the lovely day that is started out to be. I had a similar experience around one of my children's first birthday's. As much as it should have been a lovely day it will forever be tainted by a bad memory that didn't need to happen - it's not okay that a person's comments can cause so much pain.

So happy that you have your gorgeous fur babies - I know what you mean, somehow they have the ability to make things a little bit more bearable when things are really hard. Thank goodness for fur babies!

[Eve7]

Dear @Zoe7 

I am so sorry for not seeing this yesterday.

I only have a short time in my lunch break to drop by and offer you some love and support. I’m sorry this happened but you are being sensible taking some time off work to deal with this resurfaced trauma.

Big hugs my friend, sitting with you and boiling the kettle for a cuppa.

💜🫂🤗🫂💜

[Zoe7]

I am so sorry about your child's first birthday @FloatingFeather That should have been nothing but a joyous occasion for you and to have an unwanted comment on that day shows the lack of regard for both you and your child. Some people just do not have the insight to know when things will hurt. This person on Sunday certainly had no idea so I cannot blame him but it was hard for it to come out of left field so much. Of all the people we collectively know - for it to be this one person he brought up was heart wrenching. 

[Zoe7]

No need to be sorry Hon - I put up a new thread so as not to intrude on anyone else's safe places @Eve7 I am grateful for all the support I have received. I also contacted the drop-in service for the first time in a long, long time so that also helped. I am feeling a lot better this afternoon and will most likely return to work tomorrow ...that is the plan at this stage. It is a difficult one as I could probably do with another day but the more time I have to think, the worse I feel ...but being at work is tiring also. If I am physically able to be there then I will be as that also cuts off the over thinking and emotional turmoil. Kids are a great way to forget things 💖

[Eve7]

It’s great that you were able to contact the drop in service @Zoe7 and that it was helpful.

Yes, kids certainly bring us back to the here and now.

Finished my tuna and crackers so better get back to work.

💜

[Zoe7]

Yes kids are wonderful to have around us to bring out the lighter side of life @Eve7 

I hope your afternoon goes quickly and you have a great rest of the day.

Catch you later Hon 💜

[FloatingFeather]

Thanks @Zoe7 - I appreciate your words and understanding. 

You're right, some people just lack insight and can lack regard for others. I don't get it because it's not how I think but as I've gotten older I have realised that some people either don't care or don't know how their words can hurt.

It really is such a shame this person who didn't realise mentioned the name of someone that is so triggering for you - I get that they had no idea but I'm sure it doesn't make it sting any less😞. 

[Zoe7]

You are right @FloatingFeather - certainly stings.

Have had a nap as I was not feeling good again but I think that has helped. I need to head out soon to the chemist and then try to get organised for tomorrow. I am not going to risk eating again today and will likely head to bed for a very early night.