SPRING-Clean Declutter - Need Help

[Former-Member]

I can relate to that @Adge lol 🎍🎄🎍

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

Yes - we are together - not alone in all of this💕

And the important thing is you told your Dad you love him - and maybe he is befuzzled a lot of the time and can't quite take it in but I am sure he does - and he might get around to telling you or not - but he does have dementia of some kind and maybe his generation - like my Dad's - doesn't want to be upfront about his emotions - and that can hurt

But you told him you love him - 

The weather here was really horrible yesterday - I wanted to go to the shops but it was really humid and the air felt heavy - later in the afternoon I went outside to see if I could go out and the air and the wind felt dirty - and then we had a thunderstorm - and really heavy rain - 

I believe weather like this can take it out of everyone - the weather feels better today and so do I - and I did manage to get up to the shops for some milk between heavy showers

So at this moment I am not sure if you are at home or with your oldies - I do wish you the best though my dear sister Lapses - sending stacks and stacks of hearts

❤💙💚🧡💛💜❣💗💖💟💝

Dec

[Former-Member]

Thanks again @Owlunar, you're a treasure 😊. Yes, I've had to change a lot & start saying "love you" with my family, its slowly catching on, when they're in the mood (not angry)

I'm procrastinating going south 😖

[Owlunar]

Think about it @Former-Member

How do you really feel - maybe it would be a good idea to spend Christmas with your son and then go and see to your mother - I reckon your Dad will be around for a while and I really wonder how much your mother would appreciate it

But your son though - that could be a really good thing - to spend Christmas with him after a year with so many ups and downs

Your decision though - but something is causing you to procrastinate

What to do? What to do? WHAT TO DO?

This is so hard for you

Dec

[Former-Member]

My mother is close to death, she can barely walk, lift her arms, her eyes are sunk, shes asked me to go, this is her last Christmas, of not her last week, palliative carets RNs come to her home every day, she wants yo die at home, i just think she wants everyone around, who wouldn't. Its just the toxic culture there I hate. If I didn't know God I would have disowned her many years back. But...

My son almost sounded relieved that I'm going. He's very busy and has other invites. And this (his mum) is his gift to nan.

But have a headache and sore # bruised toe and its soooooo hot.

But How are you @Owlunar???

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member - I'm sorry for you in this sad situation. You need to say your last goodbyes and there will be many more christmases with your son. I was in the same situation as you - I don't know if she knew I was there or not but even though we did not have a good relationship I can at least say I was there. The toxic culture I can relate to as well. Some awful things were said and done to me after she passed - I think they were waiting for her to go so they could tell me what they really thought of me. Sorry for the hijack - my point being just because people are your family doesn't mean you are obliged to have contact with them and it doesn't mean they will treat you with any kindness. You have many friends who care for you so please don't waste time on those who don't give you the love and respect you deserve. Please look after yourself at this time.

[Shaz51]

Hi @lapses - I'm sorry for you in this sad situation, sending you lots of tender hugs my friend

[Owlunar]

I am okay @Former-Member - thinking of you though

I am going to light that candle for you right now

There done - burning for you right now

I didn't know your Mother was that near the end and she wants everyone around - I understand but the toxic culture - that does sound bad- really makes this hard for you - awww - not good at all

So your son is okay about it - which is fair enough - but where are you right now - at home or on your way or there? And no wonder you have a headache - and yes - you have bruised your toe - I had forgotten that - this can be so painful - we have so many nerve endings in our feet

I don't know about your mother - but I know about you - and your relationship with God and here you are today - with your toxic Mum dying and God knows and understands all these things. I wish I could be there with you - I think I am in spirit because it's only 3 years since I went through the same stuff - and now I have no regrets or feel guilty in any way. Leaning on God made a big difference as did knowing that I had done my best with her since I was old enough to know my own responsibilities - and I was spring chicken then but I do understand something of how things are for you and I am so sorry.

I don't think you are seeing anyone like a therapist right now - I did after my mother passed and this helped a whole lot - 

I hope you are okay - I will be thinking of you and praying for you and the candle will burn as long as it lasts and these aromatherapy candles seem to last a long time

Lots of gentle cyber-hugs my dear friend

Dec

[Faith-and-Hope]

Maybe make a special between Christmas and New Year, or New Year, or just after New Year catch-up with your son @Former-Member. It sounds like he doesn’t want to go to his nan, but you being there ticks the box for him ..... he is giving you his blessing, and you are being his blessing.

💜

[Former-Member]

@Shaz, @Owlunar, @Faith-and-Hope, @Former-Member, Thank you for your kind words ❤❤❤

Today, oh what a day I've had 😱😲😵😖🙏

Every night this week I've gone to bed planning to get up and drive to Sydney to be with mum, but it didn't happen 'till this morning. Today i woke at 4:30, packed the car, including birds and gifts, & everything. Chased neighbours cat out of car away drom tbe birds, tidied house in case my son wants to stay here when he visits his dad, locked everything up and left for my 1200km drive to Sydney.

1/2hr later, about 0840 today, while travelling down a hill, at about 90-100km hr, I found myself 1/2 off the road heading down an embankment, smashed into a culvert or rock or something, (almighty bangs), found myself airborne, came down on all 4 wheels & bounced around, off road, for +50m, turned back up the embankment to the road, heard my tyre rims scraping on the tar (x2 blown tyres / bent rims),_and came to holt 1/2 way across road, in the middle of nowhere, with nobody around.

I was worried about the birds but had trouble opening my door, really had to push it with my arms & legs and heard panel iron bending (rt wheel guard bent over door). I had to dig out my phone with the shakes & no brain or memory... (can't find it at the best of times but it was in my handbag phew). My hands were shaking so bad I had trouble punching in the phone security pin let alone find numbers to ring. When i did vet tbroigh to my church friend, i burst into tears and said "I don't know what to do"  She & her hubby in the background talked me through it & sge came out to get me. It was the longest wait.

I rang my road service who called the tow truck.

Meanwhile I pulled birds out of hot car under shade, dug out a chair to sit on (cause felt like fainting - it was so hot). A couple of people drove by but I waved them on. But one guy wouldnt wave on, he stopped and really helped calm me, he was a retired ambo, checked my pulse (racing he said), got me out of the hot sun & waited till my friend arrived.

A police car happened to drive by, stopped, breathalyzed me, took my details, and helped towtruck driver get the car up on the truck. Phew.

Glad My birds are alive, the cage got bent / tossed about, so theyre tougher than I thought @Adge.

My fiend drove me to A&E re back pain but after waiting 3hrs they did a quick physical (not even an x-ray or ecg) and sent me home on pain & antiinflammatory meds), said it will hurt more tomorrow but then start to improve... (I knew that 😒). I asked the triage nurse why people after me were going in before me. She said "cause they're worse than you" (obviously I don't moan enough & apparently my "numbers" were good). Oh well, Gods in control, I only went because my son & friend nagged me to, I just wanted to lay down, have a sleep, rest my back all day...

The police said i was lucky I didn't roll the car where I came off the road (think the angels carried me 😇). The A&E Dr said "you're very lucky" Police think the car will be a write off 😞

I'm surprisingly calm at heart.

But my friend drains me, talk talk talk - everything I said she matched with a more dramatic, far worse story from her mind story box / past (😲 even if it was about her aunty's best friend's second cousin's, x- brother in law's grandmother... ...  Often she'd cut in before I even finish a sentence. Arrr! I love her, and sooooo appreciate her always being there for me at times like this, but sheesh!!! - can't I have a ME moment? just for one day.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you all this, sitting here by myself. I don't think i'll ever drive again. Must have had a microsleep or something.

most the damage is underneath they saying, I don't understand all the parts mentioned. When o went to mechanic to pick up rest of stuff out of car, the senior mechanic said "you did a LOT of damage". Wouldn't know looking at the photo