Life can be a Pain

[Shaz51]

hi @Owlunar, yes I have never had the german measles or the measles myself  , or the rubella needle

have you mentioned the rest of the people will be the same?, yep , but he is like that with everything , if it is a customer , he wants to quit . ect

[Owlunar]

Hi @Shaz51

You had Rubella before you were born - and that was a rough way to have it

It must be so hard with Mr Shaz wanting to quit everytime something is different - I can't imagine living with that - for me - I love it when there are unexpected events - 

I guess he is not a well man and all these things are threatening - but still - I find that women adjust better - I think because we are women we must

Thinking of both of you 

Dec

[Shaz51]

It must be so hard with Mr Shaz wanting to quit everytime something is different - It is @Owlunar, always changes all the time

I see why @NikNik, and cherrybomb are  worried about me , and my mum is concerned too , sometimes i find it hard to go with the flow

I find that women adjust better - I think because we are women we must -- we do don`t we , it is amazing but we do xx

[BlueBay]

Hi @Decadian

how are you going? I have been thinking of you and wondering how you are?  It's been cold here which hasn't been good for my asthma

Hi @Shaz51 how is your husband? Is he any better? and how are you? What have you been up to?

Thinking of you both?

Take care both lovely friends xxooo

[Shaz51]

hello my wonderful friend @BlueBay xoxo

 yes thank you , go and see the kidney specialist on thursday for my 6 monthly checkup , had all my blood tests done during the week , and i have what is called a horseshoe kidney  because of my rubella syndrone when i was born the kidney did not separate into 2 kidneys , the second kidney stayed attached and did not grow

Mr shaz is ok , a couple of things happened during the week which he ended up going back on all his meds -- until next time , he will try to go off them again , one reason is our church minister is leaving so mr shaz is not going back to church at all

[Zoe7]

@Owlunar I have a feeling that things are not great for you at the moment - so I wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and here if you need Dec. I can't do much about my 'situation' at the moment but I can 'listen' to you if you need to talk - or just sit with you to know you are not alone.

Sending love and hugs...

Zoe 

[Owlunar]

Hi @Zoe7

You are right - things have been tough for me atm - it always is at this time of year - and it gets worse near the end of June until the anniversary of my son's death in the middle of July

I have had a couple of bad days - maybe a few more - and this isn't at all easy - but I think I am doing better.

Through the weeks leading up to his anniversary I can no longer remember when events were - but the events themselves are etched into my brain - I think if I tried I could tell you what pictures were on the wall wherever it was. It was a terrible struggle and I remember the two visits for long hearing in the children court I remember the cold and the windows - and how gloomy it was at that time of year

And I was so alone - my parents were not at all interested in what was happening -

I can let my parents go - I am not carting that horrible behaviour around any longer - I have stopped years back - but my son - that is harder - and it's something I just don't understand - except I know he was desperate

But thanks Zoe - it means a lot to be asked when I am spotty in the Forum and take time out for hours - I am just taking care of myself

I have bad feather moments

Dec

[Zoe7]

@Owlunar I do remember the horrendous struggles you had with the whole system in regards to your son - and then the worst possible outcome for you (and your son) - I am so sorry Dec - none of what happened was fair - not one bit. 

I do understand that 'fog' that you have around that time - I see it a bit like driving at night - you can't see everything that is around you or tell exactly what time it is but every now and then something is highlighted in your headlights and you remember that image above all others - and for whatever reason some are more prominent and enduring than others are. Maybe this is our way of trying to shut out some of the most painful memories - by placing more insignificant images in the forefront of our minds the space is taken up so other more painful images won't fit in. I really don't know why but I do know it helps to not be totally overwhelmed.

This is going to be a tough month for you and I am here for you when/if needed.

Thinking about you Dec and sending you love and hugs...

Zoe 

[Owlunar]

Thanks @Zoe7

That is so kind and understanding - it has been easier this year - and really - that was easier than the year before

I think that during the last few months of my son's life - starting the previous year actually - everything was chaotic - I knew what was going to happen and the system was not set up to really help at the time - my son's death was something that changed many things. He didn't die in vain but he was no martyr either

But it still takes time - last year I went to Canberra - this year I am going back to Lakes Entrance for a few days - making plans to get away and stare at the ocean - regardless of the weather - always helps - and I will get an oil-skin raincoat at Disposals - and walk in the rain if necessary. An umbrella too I think

But I also know this time will pass - and I don't have to do anything - just go from one day to the next - and when his anniversary has passed look for signs of spring - this always helps

Dec

[Zoe7]

There is one thing in life that I definitely know @Owlunar - losing a child you never get over. You learn to 'deal' with it the best you can and move forward with a part of your heart gone forever. I am of the belief that each year doesn't actually get any better - you are just more equipt to deal with it.

Going away to a place you love being (no matter the weather) is your way of dealing with it an making it just a little more bearable. That is the best form of self-care you can do Dec. I remember last time you were at Lakes Entrance and still have the images in my mind of the sun shining off the water that you described back then - keep those images for yourself also. In the darkest of times the sun can guide us to a place of peace and tranquility - however briefly that may be. Hold onto those who love and care for you through this time and know that we are walking beside you and shining the light to illuminate your path when you are having trouble seeing it for yourself.

The new blooms of the spring will be upon us sooner than we think ...and you will have gotten through another anniversary, another year without him and in each new flower that blooms - imagine it is blooming for your son.

Zoe