Life can be a Pain

[Owlunar]

Thanks @Zoe7

I am planning to be in the forum tomorrow and I will tag you I am sure

Our messages crossed - toothache - I get that on - I understand

And yes - it's horribly intrusive to be hacked - why people feel the need to do this is totally beyond me and luckily my security picked it up quickly and luckily I was on-line and saw the warning - and think of it - I was off-line due to technical issues for nearly two weeks - I am so glad it didn't happen then

I am taking my crutches for a walk around the block - I don't know about them but I feel as if I need it

Dec

[Zoe7]

Thanks @Owlunar It is one of those pains you can't do much about but hope the pain killers take the edge off a bit. I will be thinking of you tomorrow - not an easy day for you at all but I know your strength will pull you through and past the day.

I will be here for you as much as I can be Dec in between appointments.

I have crutches as well that I used to have to use at work to help me stand when the pain was too much. I can lay down whilst at home but sitting and standing for too long still hurts. I have more physio on Tuesday but depending on how I go with this tooth I may have to cancel for this week - will wait and see what happens tomorrow.

You have had a bad run with your computer - first the water in the line stopping the internet now being hacked = so frustrating 

[Appleblossom]

So glad that YOU were alert to the hacking issue before a lot of damage done. @Owlunar

Why there are criminals ... is a big question ...

it is important for me to learn the difference between hanging out with social outcasts like Jesus and being law abiding ... and which laws are right to follow ... as I never wanted to do the na.zi salute ... though I was taught a marching girl salute ...and dad was a navy man and i saw him salute.

SO much confusion for me to sift through.

I choose the indifference emoticon to symbolise calm detachment. I do care.

Maybe that was part of the issue with your boy.

Too many conflicting lores and laws ...

I hope you can face the anniversary with love and dignity and meet him in his own place of dignity.

Take Care Apple

[Former-Member]

@Owlunar, don't  know what else to say, and not firing on all cylinders  myself atm,  but know that i care and feel for you.  Its hard ❤

Sister cyberhug coming your way ❤❤❤

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

Your pictures and messages here are wonderful - it is true that death anniversaries are not ordinary days - how could they be

I know you are battling - sometimes your life itself becomes a prayer - in itself - your life is a really deep and true message in itself - I do understand

And whatever this day might contain is not an ordinary day - it feels strange, surreal - I was awake early and got up for a short time and went back to bed - it took me a couple of hours to focus - I might have been asleep or dozing from time to time - feels okay but definitely not ordinary

It's nearly lunchtime - the day is nearly half over - I think I might just get through today without a meltdown

Take good care of yourself Lapses - I know winter and your situation and your Mum all the stuff is making it hard for you and you can't always see the light at the end of the tunnel but you are right - we both have everything it takes through Christ who strengthens us - and - God's Grace is there for us too

He is always there for both of us

[Zoe7]

@Owlunar 

[Owlunar]

Hi @Zoe7

I am glad to see you hear already - but it's not really early is it.

I hope you have been to the dentist and something has happened to ease the pain you have been having

I am okay so far today - it does feel a bit surreal - we had beautiful weather yesterday but it rained heavily overnight and I was up until late and the sky was full of stars and planets - awwwwwwww - what happened to that - I guess there is plenty of snow up on our mountain today

I really do hope that they toothache has been attended too - and if it has - that you are not feeling really knocked around as dental treatment can sometimes make us feel

Thinking of you today

Dec

[Owlunar]

That is really beautiful @Zoe7 and perfect for today

Dec

[Zoe7]

I have a dentist appointment this afternoon after my gp appointment so hopefully it can be sorted then @Owlunar I still have a couple of hours before I need to leave and will have a shower in that time to wake me up a bit more. I had a pretty bad night with the pain so am glad I got in to the dentist today to get it sorted.

There is only a little snow on the mountain today - it has been cold here but little rain the last few days. We are expecting more later in the week so I would say the mountain will have a lot more snow by then 

[Owlunar]

Hi @Appleblossom

Yes - there are those borderline things in life - should we do what Jesus would have done or refuse to salute? These are hard decisions and I have found that the homeless people were really understand when my son was a missing person and the hardest people to witness to are sometimes our friends or other people in church - I have learned this and know I am better to stick to my own beliefs and stick out as weird I think - and sometimes I know I wonder if anyone remembers my witness and you know - it doesn't matter - it only matters that I did.

Life can be complicated it really can and the only answer is in our heart - and God knows, he knows what calm detachment is about too - perhaps knowing that God knows means we can feel safer learning about ourselves

Today - strange - it has been raining here and yesterday was so sunny with a wind that dried some of my washing - I took a walk at sunset and it was really wonderful and I woke up feeling strange - so today is strange but it's half over so I guess I will be okay - I am hoping so

So what do I feel about my son toda? I think what I feel about him everyday - I am learning it's no easy path to understand a suicide - a teenage suicide - wow - it seems such a waste but I found some comprehension in his being scatterbrained - I know he meant to take his life because of his SI and SA but I believe now he really had no idea of the permanence of what he was doing and that it was a concept he really did not perceive - and also he was so unsettled and in so much emotional pain. He had landed himself into so much trouble he couldn't see a way out and maybe what he could see was just too hard for him. He is at peace now and it seems to me he has moved on to a much better place and for this I am so grateful - he was so unhappy and all of that is over.

I am over a lot of it now and maybe in the future I will be completely over it - oh boy - I can rattle on at times

And you are right - too many laws and lores and conflict - I can't puzzle that on out today - too much to sift through

I believe we do meet with love and dignity - a life of self-examination is not easy but I have found it interesting and it is a way toward the truth - I with we have found some of that - the truth

Thanks Apple - meeting life and death with dignity - yes

Dec