Life can be a Pain

[Owlunar]

Hi @Zoe7

Yes - although I was prepared to continue with this psychologist the last time I did question if it was worth digging around in the grave of my past - I can cry about it but I had to keep my eye on the time and felt the need to cut short and ask for the chance to centre myself toward the end of the session

Actually I think she was only working one day a week - no wonder it was inconvenient that I did not attend - and she never answered my letter - definitely not a good scene 

I have to think if I want to go there again - but if I do see the next psychogist it will psychologist No. 5. Do I want to go into all of this again? Am I prepared to see someone who might be cancelling appointments because she has her kids on holidays - oh dear - I really don't know - something to file to think about because my Tassie rellies have been uncontactable and I am concerned but done all I can for now.

Being on-line here tonight has been good - I have let my emotions out and I am really tired - I will be going to bed soon - 

Yes - I am allowed to be uhappy and with what I have had happening including increased pain and I have been validated

Thanks Zoe - I wish you the best 

Dec

[Owlunar]

Yes - super-sucky @Faith-and-Hope

I have contradicted my therapists - this one too - so they don't get their own way and they need to know if they are wrong -  I would be taking a book back too - I have been misread - misunderstood

And with your complex family sitiuation - yes - 4 months to explain and of course you would be anxious - how often have you had to back-track and say - "That is not what I meant - that is not what I meant at all"?

I have been bitten before - a year after my son died I saw an agency - I have no idea what qualifications this woman had but she did drive me home on a bitter July day when the wind blew off Port Phillip Bay with teeth in it - and when I could see it looked like lead - I must have quickly found my way into her too-hard basket because she came to see me and she asked what I was getting out of all of this. 

Nothing of course - grief is a process and the first anniversary is a tough one and it was so cold that winter and I was getting migraine often. I wasn't getting anything out of it and this question - she walked out saying it - left me crying because of just a mis-judgment of how it feels to have a child die in any circumstances - and so - again - 

All my life I have been painfully honest - oh dear - not a good way to be - I think I have an sadistic person enough ammo - I am not paying that bill though and I want a copy of that letter from her to my doctor for my records

So I feel thrice shy right now - ah - this time of the year is full of traps - well - that's one less for this year

Dec

Thanks Faith

[Zoe7]

I am sorry you haven't been able to contact your rellies in Tassie @Owlunar - I know how much they mean to you and how worried that would be making you 

It is difficult seeing someone that has kids and is away at holiday times - my pdoc is away every school holidays but that is something I know about and keep in mind - so it isn't ever a last minute thing. 

I suppose you are the best person to decide if you want to see another psychologist Dec and you know yourself well enough to knowif you need that or not. 

Hope you start to feel a little more at ease very soon Dec 

[Owlunar]

Yes @Zoe7

I do know with the series of anniversaries starting next month - with my cousin's death and although they really didn't know when he died because he was out in the bush and missing - the 27th is the decided date and that is the beginning of a string - including my departed mother's birthday, my special aunt's birthday and mine, Rowan being missing from Juvey and my car accident and then Rowan dying and his funeral - and I flew to Hobart and back in the same day for my cousin's funeral - it was noticed by my rellies

So it would be a good idea to see someone with all of those anniversaries esp with my relatives being so ill - I can't get through on their phone and the hospital will not give me any information inspite of a shared family name - really hard that one but I understand their need for privacy

As the evening has been moving on I have been feeling a lot better - I felt shattered when I got home - too much - I really don't think people go out of their way to be cruel but in this instance it really feels like it

Thanks Zoe

Dec

[Owlunar]

Me flying to Hobart and back in the same day

That was a day I will never forget

[utopia]

@Owlunar. Yes we have a right and a need to feel how we feel.
I don't think my situation is any harder than yours. It's simply different.
But that report plus WorkCover cutting off my payments last year sent me into a massive depressive episode that I'm only now starting to come out of.
That's why I wrote that I didn't want this dr to mess with your head. But you are strong and knowledgeable - so when your anger is spent - you'll be able to move on and do what you need to do for you.

[Former-Member]

I'm holding my own, kinda, thanks @Zoe7 ❤

[Zoe7]

@Owlunar You do have a lot coming up where you will feel the loss of those loved ones  Be kind to yourself through all that Dec - and lean on us here if you need to 

@Former-Member thinking of you too 

[Owlunar]

Hi @utopia

My head feels okay - I spun out yesterday - I tend to be a bit delicate at times and thinking about it what I felt was something like character assassination - really bad - I guess it came out of left field and smacked me in the face and I could definitely do without that

You are right - it's not a continuum like a spectrum disorder - we all have our issues and things that make life a mine-field - for you Work Cover is like an army planting obstacles for you and I remember you spinning out last year and that was really bad - and we are into May now and you are just starting to come out of it - that is a kind of measuring stick for how bad it was for you

My anger is spent - one thing we are taught as girls is that it is bad to be angry - such a mistake is hard to grow out of and the more women I speak to the more I find have the childhood expectations of their often European mothers doesn't easily fall away - 

My brother was the one-out in our dysfunctional family which must have seemed the perfect sit-com family from the outside - not from the inside though - but still he had choices my sister and I did not and here we are

Today I realise we are into May and if I am going to be hounded for the $55.00 I will be getting a statement soon - let's imagine I will not but I will keep a corner of my mind open to it. As you said - I am strong and knowledgeable and an accountant as well so I know it's not in their interests to push for a small amount of money - 

Amazing though - it seemed it mattered not that they lost a client for such a small amount 

But you speak great truths Utopia - you have learned through your own journey - I really understand that - I have learned through mine

Dec

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

Great to see you here - it's gotta be tough right now - I am in that space too and it's the one I know - not easy but I get I am used to it

I do not like cold weather - really do not - and we have cold mornings in Melbourne now and the really nice lady who comes on alternate Tuesdays to do my domestic work wants to leave the door open and the freezing wind blows in and she gets hot and yet I find the A/C takes six-months to warm up the whole street just in time for summer so I will ask here to close the doors and just turn the heater down for the duration - that's my late autumn tale - maintain what is good and minimize what is not

I hope you have a good day for your Dad's birthday - I know you will know what to do about driving and your tablets so I wish you well and keep in touch - 

Yes @Zoe7 - I have a lot of elderly rellies left now - the blessing I had of several young uncles is that they married and got older and then older and there are four left and two of them are really ill and I need to see a therapist to help me through my Tassie Rellies and their illnesses and other issues and possible deaths - you are right - however I feel about being misrepresented is not as important as being there because I care for myself - 

And I will lean on the forum - I do not want to list a litany of woes but in reality my life has been a bit like that lately - but I do feel I am dealing with things one at a time and if I can get my head out of the emotional clutter long enough I can see that. Like many others here I don't have family around to lean on

I still have my sense of humour

And birds of a feather flock together - my forum family tree

 Dec