Thanks @Decadian, had a tear to hear / see the words "its not your fault" Can't seem to hear that one enough. Don't think S1 thinks its my fault, but he has said "maybe she'd be alive if he was here" (protective), and of cause he's frightened now with his own asthma. He's so angry, only last night he blasted me in a tx for sending him DVDs he thinks he asked me not to send. I always seem to get it wrong and it hurts me every time. He worries me.
It must of been so hard for you, watching your son slowly destroy his life, and to get that horrible call. And the hundreds of questions you must have... and fighting the system... You know, as hard as it was watching my girl take her last breath - at least I know what happened. Its hard to talk about.
We have a terrible burden to carry.
Thanks for the pain management tips. I've saved it to bring up with Dr but the general attitude is to 'suffer in silence' - punishment for gettinh chubby. They're all too quick not to help till you lose weight (which I feel is a form of abuse because skinny people with the same problem do get help) - yep, fat lot of good that is.
I was only at the Dr yesterday and mentioned this recent pain that's different, more specific lower back pain (not the general spasming), and it gets worse with rest (thats unusual for me). She pocked around, decided its not the bulging disks but Sacroiliitis - all part of 'degeneration' she said. Take headache pills, dont over do it and lose weight. Gee thanks. She doesn't like doing scans etc. I hope its a temporary flare-up because even today I have crampy aches down to my knees. Just in bed all day listening to the birds. Watched all the movies on my computer over and over ( tv & dvd not working), so yep, pretty quiet here. Nice to have forums in the palm of my hand (smartphone) - the mind plays tricks when we're alone.
Getting oversensitive to a couple of things on the forums today (rant warning), hope you don't mind if i hide here and tell you stuff, don't read on if you feel down yourself.
(1) I was just told elsewhere someone has been avoiding me and she's even been told to avoid certain people by others (thats gossip), for self protection. I don't want to be one of those people everyone has to avoid... ...
(2) I had a post wrongly removed, then reinstated after I challenged it, but it upset me more than i care to admit, a real trigger for feeling bullied, ganged up on... fighting off paranoid thoughts now (they hate me, want me to leave...), do you ever get that? Certain people from when I first came here - who really gave me hell and then shunned me, still do, they've resurfaced and dance around ignoring me again on a certain thread which I'm avoiding now, pitty because it was otherwise a helpful thread. Its awful being ignored, invisible, left out. Really hurts, more when I'm already stressed. I try hard to focus on the other wonderful people here, and i have come a long way, maybe this pain wears us down - makes us particularly sensitive to everything.
(3) also, it gets my back up being told by others, in a round about way, even today, that ' how i feel is irrelevant because its 'just' blackdog talking. Hmm - only I'm allowed to say that - the hurting feelings are still real.
Anyway, hoping it will blow over before the morning re work.
I'm so motivated to do my little shifts at the shop, strange. Must take strong tabs this time though. At least I'm not driving unlicenced this week lol (forgot to renew my license last week).
Just have to let you know too that I'm not getting notified of all my tags - only just found your post here by accident cause I went looking for you. So, that was a nice surprise.
Thanks for listening, hope you are ok today? xox
