Life can be a Pain

[Owlunar]

Hi @utopia

Missed two days of medication - aw - that is a tough one - I agree with your Mum - you have been busy and not thinking about it - your mind has been on "being present" and communicating with your son's girl-friend being over - that has to be tough.

How much does it cost us - this being present and communicating with someone when our thoughts are drawing us elsewhere - I know I try and hide my pain at times and my medication is something I can't miss - I notice if I have - or when it has been a while since I had something - it can become public often but still

Why do we torture ourselves pretending the emotional stuff is not there - I was talking to Life Line yesterday - really nice guy - easy to talk to - I don't feeling at all about my feelings to anyone in my everyday life - yes - I can tell them my son died, where and how - but not about my feelings - so that is a new thing for me - the people in my life come and go - I will be seeing them again and really don't want to mention at so many years later I can still have a bad day - a really bad day - a disastrous day - 

Yikes - I will be seeing this person again and I do not want sympathy and I screw up inside when someone says "Poor thing" because I am not and I don't feel sorry for myself - but sorrow yes and I am allow to but also - you stay "present" and communicate for similar reasons I assume - reckon - guess - you have to see this person again and the truth of our emotional life is sensitve and private

Ring any bells

Okay - I saw this different doctor - new GP at the clinic where I go - and she starting fretting about my blood pressure because whenever I have had it taken and it has been recorded I have been in pain - serious pain - that alone can send the BP up - and then talking about my medication with a different doctor was stressful - and I was sweating and stressed out - so yes

Now I have blood pressure tablets and a blood pressure machine - I can stop worrying - my BP was normal last night when I took at after I had been watching TV for a while - and my resting BP first thing was normal - I took my first tablet and after chatting with my domestic helper today it was higher but when I got back from the supermaret - it was normal again

So I don't know but if my BP is high because of pain or stress and I have enough stress right now - it still needs to be watched and treated - but I am totally convinced I am totally stressed out at times and not all the time - 

So yeah - I feel okay today - I have had triggers all week but I am a survivor - just getting older and I have no control over the stress in my life but I can meditate and do - so seeing as I have a BP machine I can test my BP before and after meditating and see what works

Dec

@outlander@utopia@Former-Member@Zoe7@Faith-and-Hope

[TAB]

You’re one smart cookie @Owlunar 😀

[utopia]

@Owlunar. Yes stress can certainly affect our blood pressure. It can affect all parts of our body and mind. That's why it's so important to meditate or be mindful or do yoga or exercise and do self care. Anything that helps reduce stress is a good thing.
I wanted to spend time with my sons girlfriend, as we haven't really chatted before. But at the same time I was so tired and knew I wouldn't get in a nap - so yes, my stress levels were up. But I never expected it would have worn me out so much. I'm obviously out of practice with socialising.
She is a really lovely girl. Stubborn and knows her own mind, just like my son. So she stands up to him if he does something she doesn't like. Just found out she plays footy. Last year we finally got a women's league going in the local shires. And the public are really supporting it. Before this, once a girl turns 14 - she had to stop playing footy.
She's very smart. Gets excellent school grades. And has a naughty sense of humour like me.
I got the day wrong today. I woke up thinking it's Saturday. So I rushed to the shops before they closed at 12.30 (small country town). So I didn't go to the library and get any new books to read. Later on, I checked with my son. Yep, it's Friday. Lol.
Just dropped him off at work. Working 5 til anout 8.30 tonight. He's worked everyday this week. I'm proud of him.

[TAB]

Sounds like a good boy @utopia 😀 I remember you saying you were worrying about how you were a while back might have been affecting him.
Not much to worry about there sounds.
Bask in your glory, mum 😀

[utopia]

Thank you @TAB. But I think I'll always worry a bit. Think it's built into a parents DNA. lol.
He's doing well at school & music. And now with work. Considering what he's been through with my mental health and hospital stays, he's a pretty resilient boy.

[TAB]

I know @utopia I was just saying And you were more part of that re positives than the other stuff

[TAB]

Oh., um resilience is most important thing one can have esp in capitalist monetaristic society.. something am only just learning as opposed to thinking of reasons to say its all too hard and walking away lol ok maybe I’ll grow up one day lool @utopia

[utopia]

@TAB. Well my son is studying Economics - so he's probably going to work in that capatalist monetarist society. Lol. He's the opposite of me

[TAB]

So long as he’s happy @utopia lol

[utopia]

That's my attitude @Owlunar. If he studies what he is interested in - then he may be one of the lucky ones - and work in a job he loves - when older