Life can be a Pain

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

It went okay at the dentist - really exhausting though - see the big explanation about it above

I understand - grief and loss - that is a real life changer, the change as well - tough - and new boundaries - I guess you mean your sibs - I will have to find where else you are posting.

Boundaries - yes - we need our own as well - I get that - I remember how my son didn't respect anyone else's boundaries and I thought Borderline Personality Disorder meant that he couldn't tolerate boundaries - but that is part of it - establishing that I had to have my own set out clearly was a new thing - I had to to maintain Tough Love

I don't know your message but whatevere it is - I know your sister is a boundary-crasher and two of your brothers are probably trying it out on you now as well as your Dad - 

Whatever it is though Lapses - I understand that much - the whole family has all this change with new ideas and new boundaries and this can't be easy and I really know about TS - as I am sorting out my own life with my new therapist I will be cutting my TS off at the socks too - cause she has this habit of crashing my boundaries and this has to stop

Thinking of you heaps though Lapses

Dec

[Owlunar]

Hi @Shaz51

It was good that I got an appointment yesterday and everything is okay - the tooth is "traumatised" but still sore - much better than it was - aw - I was worn down to a frazzle

This place looks really untidy - mostly it just needs a tidy-up and there is someone coming soon to clean - 

I guess you know a lot about being worn-down - totally get that - I feel totally worn-down right now - soon I will have a shower - at least I will be clean

Dec

[utopia]

@Owlunar. That memory if being called their favorite niece must be a beautiful memory to recall. I can just imagine how it would have felt to hear it at the time.
Grinding teeth. Yes I do that alot when my brain is in overdrive. But good to hear you have a solution - your partial plate.
physical pain often manifests when we are working through our emotional pain, I find. What do you think? I know I am more sensitive to physical pain when I am mentally struggling.
It would be good if you do get the chance to see your uncle again.

[Appleblossom]

Thank you @Owlunar

I knew that documentary was screening, but I dont need to see more atm. 

I have to be careful re retriggers.  

[Owlunar]

Triggers - yes - I understand @Appleblossom

A long time ago I realised my son had been mistreated in a State Children's psyche unit - not abused in the same way as others perhaps - but something he said put me onto it and then - he was just a little kid and I didn't know what to do about it

But now the situation is becoming clearer and he has died - and really - if I did act on it I don't have any names - no evidence - not even the truth because when I asked him for details he refused to discuss it. When he was in Juvenile Detention I am sure nothing happened to him - I was visiting often and talking to the staff there every time and I never saw anything shifty - 

But yes - at this stage I want to know more - what happened back in the is not something I ever thought about - it never occurred to me - 

All the best @Appleblossom - so many people here are linked to each other in so many different ways - I find this forum supportive

I wish you  the best and the chance for some peace after all the turmoil in your life - but peace can be hard to come by sometimes

Dec

[Owlunar]

Hi @utopia

Yes - being introduced as a favourite is something special - one moment that will live and bear fruit of it's own

Physical pain and emotional pain - I guess it's different for everyone and when you are suffering emotionally your personal space gets larger I am sure - I feel this - as if children in a waiting room will drive me up the wall - I can't stand people sitting near me - and I have had the back pain since the mid 90s. I can be irritable at time esp when my pain is bad - but still - what has to have been the worst moment in my life - when my then-h told me my son had died I was in hospital and under strong medication, They could treat the shoulder pain where my shoulder had been badly pulled apart - so it seemed that the physical pain was easier to managed than the pain within me that they could not give me anything for it

As time - and years of it - passed I found that when the grief was worse the physical pain would go away and I had a migraine today after the tooth thing I guess - after lots of things happening lately. In the past I would cry myself into a bad migraine - my head would be bursting - I think you get them too - and when I had a migraine I didn't feel the grief - but it came back when the migraine was treated - 

Then I would have said that the emotional pain was worse but since I saw my uncle and saw how ill he is and also the truth that he has always been in my life - decades of contact back and forth since I was born

The doctor gave me strong medication for my migraine and while I was waiting my day felt terrible - I did get the place tidied up at bit but - well it's looking better - but I felt terrible apart from the headache and the  toothache which is less - and I was near tears off and on and my doctor gave me a shot for my migraine and it eased but yes -  the realisation that my unlce means so much to me and that his time might be short or (he might recover)  - I feel worse than I did before my parents died - you know the time when you know what has to happen and it feels like "we are standing on solid rock believing in hallowed ground but living on borrowed time"

You are right - the physical pain can be worse - ease up and the different pains change places and hurt in different ways

Thinking of you Utopia - I know you have very deep pain yourself

Dec

[utopia]

A special song to explain exactly where you are with your uncles health @Owlunar.
I find I can't handle any physical pain when I'm mentally unwell. But then again, I struggle so hard with the emotional pain. Normally I bury the emotional pain.
I cried when you wrote about your ex telling you your son had died. I've heard it before - but today - I'm more able to feel my emotions - after changing the meds that were numbing all feeling. How hard that must have been - my imagination can't even comprehend.
When we become mothers - our fears change. Our fears are all about keeping our children safe and hoping no harm comes to them.
That must have been the hardest pain of all. The loss of your boy.
I'm glad you got strong meds for your migraine. My son used to get them quite badly. But it looks like he has grown out of them - the same as his old food allergies.
Hope you get a good nights sleep and feel more refreshed tomorrow.

[Shaz51]

hugs @Owlunar 

[Owlunar]

Hi @utopia

I rarely mention the time when my husband was suddenly in front of me and told me our son had died during the night - whew - I knew this would happen but not when he was in Juvenile Detention - 

Thank you for your kind thoughts and your tears - my tears have been plenty but I did not get support from my own family - but my uncle was on the phone often during that time - he was there in the dark times - always - my own parents were not - God forgive them - I have - for my own sake - 

Becoming a mother was a culture shock - adoption - whew - when I was pregnant my daughter was there from the beginning but adoption is something else. I changed - and now - my daughter's life is all the more valuable - and I thank God for her -

But even in her approaching middle years I keep thoughts to myself but yes - we do want to keep them safe even after we let them go and part of maturity is letting them go

I did get a good night's sleep - extra - I rarely have a drink and my medication handy at night - but last night I did and I woke up and took my medication and went back to sleep until my Mepacs alarm woke me - stiff as a board I got up and pressed the red button - and feel okayish I guess - but flat - circumstances have been tough lately and I am used to pain but atm I have had enough

I understand what you are saying - you struggle with emotional pain and can't handle physical pain when you are unwell - and you try and bury your emotional pain - I never seem able to bury my emotional pain - I can hide my physical pain at times - we are all different and it is really good for my understanding to know how people can be so different

I always feel as if I have been kicked in the head the day after a migraine - this is the case today - and my tooth is settling - I still need to have soft food for a while yet and I got a tin of chicken an corn soup yesterday and hope I can managed home made meat patties and steamed vegies tonight - 

Utopia - I think of your often - I know you have pain I know nothing about - I care about it and your struggle with it - just as you can't imagine the loss of my son I can't imagine your struggle - but I know you care and I care also - we do not have to have the same war to understand someone else's

Care heaps

Dec

I so often find exactly the right pic in clipart

[utopia]

Yes you are right @Owlunar - we don't need to have experienced the same 'trauma' - to feel another's pain.
So lucky you had your uncles love and supportwhen you needed it most. Yes I guess we wwould lile or expect it from our parents - but love and support from anyone - is worth its weight in gold.
I've been to see my psychologist this morning. He can see that I am in a happier place. But has warned me thay it won't last, unless I change my behaviours and start doing the everyday things I need to do (think housework) & socialising. So have to make a bit of an effort to do that.
I used to work for mepacs. Small world. Lol.