Life can be a Pain

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

I am okay today - it just took me a long time to wake up enough to get up - I was tired and kept dropping back into sleep - so I got up around 10.00am I think and I am going to make fried rice for lunch and usually that makes enough for two days

My unit is one of two and no one lives in the one next door - and so there is no heat coming from that side and the sun doesn't shine on the wall or the roof either - so this place can get very cold in winter

So I live the reverse cycle A/C on low during the winter - it's on now but not running - it cuts out when it's warm enough - and I have done this for years - and it makes a difference

The cold gets into my spine and the pain goes up super-high - but I can have injections for the pain and I had one last night and it makes a huge difference. I will be okay for a few days now

Yes - we can looto k after each other this winter - with our SAD - and I always feel better when the solstice comes and passes - I really notice it here - as soon as the days have stretched out a few minutes I notice the sun shining into my bedroom earlier and longer - and when I get up in the morning it shines into my lounge later and longer

Have you noticed that in summer the sun scoots up into the sky like a roto cket and then takes all day to slowly sink into the west while we are baking down here - and when we would like that in winter - the sun struggles to get up - really taking it's time and then shoots down to the west really fast - really pesky sun at times

My son went into prison at Easter - and that's when things start getting hard for me - but the dates a fuzzy now - until he died - but I remember everything that happened in court and with my husband being remote as if he was turned-off in some way - and all the other stuff - yes - it was a life-time ago and it does get easier but I still have my moments - and writing in the Forum helps a lot too

I know you have had similar losses - I understand

I will travel anyway - I am thinking of going away in July - and it will be July really soon - I know this - and I plan to go local - I was at Lakes Entrance a few weeks ago and I think I will go back there

Thanks Lapses

Dec

[outlander]

how are you @Owlunar 

you ahvent been on here for a day or so.. are you ok my friend?

[Shaz51]

hello @Owlunar how are you today xx

[Owlunar]

Hi @Shaz51@outlander@Former-Member@Former-Member@BlueBay@utopia@Zoe7 - and everyone else

I have been into the forums and read what other people have been going through over the weekend - and yes - I get it and I understand - but I can't write anything useful right now -

I have my own stuff - it's overwhelming - I can't deal with anything more than what I have on my own plate right now - and I think that this is okay - I would not expect anyone else who is having a bad time to put themselves into a worse place because of me and my stuff

I am safe - this is one thing about living longer is good about - the things that bothered me in the past and are still there today are no longer threatening - and I wish I could be useful - but I can't

So my thoughts are with you and I will be back when I feel better - it is always hard at this time of year

Dec

[Shaz51]

I am here when you want to talk @Owlunar 

[Former-Member]

Oh @Owlunar, I hear ya, and you take all the time you need. Sometimes the forums get too heavy for me too andvi try stick to the lighter threads. Just because we can't find a pearl of wisdom for others doesn't mean were less of a person and need to withdraw, do lean on us a little too. I know this is hard for you because you've had to fend for yourself all your life, but don't forget to reach out here and in the real world. I tagged you earlier in my SAD thread but its OK if you're tired. I'm flat today too, just want to sleep. Read a bible verse in Deuteronomy that's caused a little spiritual protest with God, the aweful things he unleashed in the Jews to bring them into obedience, so harsh, andvi struggle fitting that in with the new covenant... Now I have to repent wanting to challenge God lol - do you ever get like that? Oh dear, talk about an ant taking on an elephant, silly me. Sometimes watching comedies and having a belly laugh - gives me a lift. If you want to try that - I can recommend a few, depending on your humour. Give puddytat a cuddle from me today (I can't, very allergic but admire cats) and be kind to yourself, chin up and stay warm xox

[BlueBay]

Hi @Owlunar

Here for you anytime 

BB xxxooo

[outlander]

hugs @Owlunar thinking of you and here for you when you need

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

Ah yes - I do confront God from time to time knowing full well he can take it - and yes - I know the writer/s of Deuteronomy said that God was into retribution but I believe that this was the interpretation of the Pre-Christian doctrine - God does not punish us for that - he is an omnipotent but benevolent father and as a parent myself - I listened to a lot of juvenile rage in my time

I was planning to go out for new clothes on Saturday but the weather here became so gloomy that I gave up on the idea and yesterday I was down in the dumps in a major way - I didn't cry or lose the plot - just found my memories too hard and it is really hard to say what ever it was that I was thinking about - but the day passed without incident or company except for Snugly - and how happy was she that I was reading in bed for such a long time - lucky cat -

She feels more fluffy because she has grown her winter coat and put on a bit of much needed weight and had her claws clipped - she is such a great little friend

So I woke up this morning feeling more of the same - where does all that misery come from? It's not even dramatic in any way - it doesn drag me down but as long as I don't push myself I am okay - this way I don't drop my dinner or break any plates by accident -

But I did go out and by some new shirts and a jumper - I can walk to a Rivers Store from here - I would rather go shopping on my own - although I could get my agency to get someone to take me - I get annoyed when I have my own ideas on fabric, colour, patterns, whatever - and other people start picking things out - the last time I went with someone it was not fun at all - I felt badly telling the person I didn't like those colours or that fabric and just wish people would take the hint and stop - but today I was alone and two shirts were costly but the fabric is really smooth and cotton - and I like the patterns and the colours are subdued - and being on my own in the shop not having any distraction was a pick-me-up and I really love what I have bought

Perhaps it was the retail-therapy - but I feel so much better tonight - let's hope this lasts

Dec

[Owlunar]

Thanks @BlueBay@outlander@Shaz51

I know you girls would have liked to have helped if you could have - but honestly - all of you are in a worse place than I am - I can still in the probverbial rain for as long as it takes - I do have the history of coming unstuck in a dramatic way so I am able to tell all of you that "this too shall pass" - the dark times will be less and easier to focus on when our birthdays have higher numbers

But then - although the morning was hard - going shopping made things feel better - retail therapy - ah yes - I know we hate the fitting rooms - but having new tops is great - and I really need more clothes - I don't have a lot - I don't need a lot - but I am planning my next holiday in July

I hope all of you are doing better than you were - and Shaz - I think it was your husband who was having a burn-out - I never did find the post that described what was happening - only that you were having a bad time

Thinking of all of you - and know that you will find life easier in the future - and it is my grace and my gift to tell you this - convince you if I can and lead you there if possible

Dec