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[Owlunar]

Hi @utopia@Appleblossom@Teej

I have been a single mum too - well - I still am but my kid is starting into her middle years now

But I took her with me with her when I left my husband for a short time when she was early school age and it was really hard with her whining to go back to her father - so eventually I went back for a number of reasons but went on being a single mother with her father living in the house - 

Which is just different but lonely - oh yes - I am rarely lonely on my own - but we can please ourselves when we are alone and that makes a difference

I found that the process of separation, property settlement and divorce brought out all the nastiness I didn't know I had - it has all passed off now but I do remember how resentful I was of a man who was so closed off within himself - whether he was depressed or not I will never know

But when it came to having a social life I had one when we separated - I had my own job and my own studies and my own friends and did my own thing after my son had died and my daughter had moved out

But people bringing up their kids alone with no one to pick up the slack - that is really hard - I can't compare that to my lot - I think looking back that I worked it out the best way in the long run - 

But who knows - a lot gets forgotten

But the subject is interesting - I felt like jumping in because I am feeling a bit lost and alone myself atm

Dec

[utopia]

Feeling alone and loneliness seems to be a popular subject on the forums at the moment @Owlunar. Have discussed this with a few people tonight - hamsolo01 - teej - etc.

[TAB]

Hi @utopia @Teej sorry for butting in. But it all sounds very familiar. Except I don’t really go out. Too busy trying to survive I guess. Yes it did occur to me today re ‘no mental/social stimulation ‘ I used to like going to supermarket just to get a smile and small talk from a familiar face. Doesn’t seem to work anymore. It’s all become functional

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hearing you all.

My hubby was working 100 hr weeks ..... my family were living hours away in the country ..... mil was toxic ..... was “on my own” with the kids .....

@utopia glad to hear you will try the book club. Keep trying new things. It’s generally a combination of small things that begins to make a difference.

❤️

[utopia]

@Owlunar - maybe we need to push ourselves to get out there and start a conversation with someone. At the supermarket or on the street. Sort of g'day. Love your dress. It's stunning. Or what a cute dog. What is his name.
Maybe we need to get out of our social isolation cocoon.
@Faith-and-Hope that would have been so hard raising all your kids pretty much on your own while your husband was working such long hours.

[Faith-and-Hope]

It was hard @utopia .... but any time I started feeling too sorry for myself, I came across people whose lives were just as hard or harder ..... and these forums are like that .....

We have a herd here ...... 🤗💕

[utopia]

I think you are one amazing tough woman @Faith-and-Hope. You have / are struggling like the rest of us. Yet you seem to be able to keep moving - keep going forward.
Not sure if this is due to your faith or to your wonderful mother and the things she taught you.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Maybe both @utopia ?

While we moved around a lot growing up, and both my siblings had disabilities, I also did not suffer any major childhood trauma as many here have. My Dad was considered a workaholic, but my hubby has left my Dad’s record completely in the dust, and then some ..... and it’s not like there were warning signs when I met him ......

Life can be so strange in what it turns up ..... feel like I inherited a lemon tree and lemonade stand sometimes ...... and are spending my life in this production ...... lol .....

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Owlunar @Faith-and-Hope @utopia

Yes parenting with all the practical aspects and the choices and values and guesses and gambles about what will be the best ... is a tuff gig.  I remember the loneliness when I was married too F&H. I have been single about 16 years and it is easier as things 

Just back from a lovely day at the zoo. For the last 2 days I had intense interactions with older foregn women.grandmas that were lovely and they were both really grateful. My role is visitor engagement and I am lucky I can be spontaneous with all ages, and getting more experience. You never know til you have a go.My first time out on the trails I was nervous, but the culture there is good.  There is always someone smiling and saying hello as they get on to their specific job and the public is 99% in a good mood .. apart from the odd crying toddler. Some convos last 30 seconds about 7 mins. We had a PD talk about a Rhino sanctuary in Uganda that need readers and boots and water bottles.

There is a healing aspect for me as I reflect on the various family roles and typical scenarios that I had during my very distressed period.

Dont give up @utopia Your interests and values made a difference to me. I felt less alone knowing you were parent who actually cared enough to go off and your research. No one is perfect we muddle along. ... as @Owlunar says in that big puddle ...on mother earth.

[utopia]

Wow @Appleblossom. Your work at the zoo sounds really rewarding. Do you work/volunteer one day a week or fortnightly?
Yes single parenting is hard. But when you said you were better off without your ex - I remembered back to when my ex husband was still with us & I hated it. Once I was single - I preferred it. I was then only responsible for one child - instead of two (when you include the ex). Lol.