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[frog]

Sounds very hard @utopia

Thinking of you

I hope today is a bit better.

[utopia]

So it's 6.30. Smoko starts at 7.30am. YAY!!!! Guess what I'll be doing from 7.30 to 7.50. 

Woke just before 12.30. Got a drink and managed to sleep again. Wide awake at 3.30am - got given a calmer - as no sleeping tablets after 2am. It might mess with your sleep time. Right. Wouldn't want that to happen. 

Up again at 5.50 - just waiting for the click to strike 7.30.

I am still all wound up and irritated and scared they will kick me out of hospital. 

Or my smoking leave pass will be removed. 

Crying

[frog]

Sad for you @utopia 

Edging towards 7.30

Is there anything to look forward to today?

When I was in hospital I found it harder to sleep than usual, and irritated with staff. There were a few other inmates who I liked, and they accepted me even though I hardly spoke. 

One of the workers took us for a bushwalk some days and that helped me a bit.

With you friend.

[Mazarita]

You'd think hospital might try to ease stress rather than add to it. Hope today treats you better, @utopia. ox

[Faith-and-Hope]

❤️ @utopia .....

[utopia]

@Mazarita@frog@BlueBay@Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope

So 7.30 am rolls around and staff are still doing handover. By 7.40 - I think f this and decide I'll just go outside and have a smoke amyway. Wave my blank piece of paper at reception.  She asks to see it. So I hand her it. Back to your unit and get a proper pass or I won't let you out.

Up I go. I knock on nurses door. Lucky me. Lucky him. Adam is my nurse again. 

He says you tried to sneak out and have a smoke? I say bloody right I did. I'm allowed to go outside starting at 7.30am for a cigarette. It's my bliody rights.  I've had little sleep. High anxiety and supposedly I have to wait for YOU to be ready.

So can I have my smoke pass now. He says how long for? I day 15 minutes.  He offers me 35 minutes (easier to calculate the time). I say no. I only want 15. Remember yesterday you told me I shouldn't take too long a break ' - as I'll run out of lesve in the afternoon again. F! F! F!

So he hands me my pass.  I walk all the way to the other end of the building amd then I look at the pass.  He has written yrstetdays date and I'm right near reception.  Instead of showing her my pass leave - I hand it to her. She says, this one's not valid. I say I know he wrote the wrong date - but I'll be f'd if I'm going to walk all the way back up there.  So judt ringy unit amd ask for Adam. 

I bet the bastard did it on purpose.  So I think I'm officially becoming paranoid! !

And good old Adam has reminded me twice this morning that my psychiatrist will be in to talk to me today.

Bastard.  Wasn't allowed to use the word starting with W and ending in anker.

Going to get a smoko pass now. 

I'm so tired, so frustrated and just keep thinking, why stay. Walk out, head home, go to my desth place and do it.

[Zoe7]

So as frustrating as this all is for you @utopia you are providing us all with some light entertainment with your posts - you absolutely should write a book of your experiences. I know it is super frustrating for you amd I can hear how much this is all affecting you but you are also sticking up for your rights and taking a stand and that shows courage. You are not giving up - as much as it may feel you want to - so that is a positive Hon. Keep standing your ground @utopia and we'll keep standing with you 

[frog]

Damn it they’re making it hard @utopia 

Adam the w sounds like a anker. 

Hope things improve ❤️🐸

[utopia]

@frog thanks for the laugh. I'll call him Anker from now on. First laugh I've had in 5 days.

@Zoe7 - my mum suggested I write a book about my ex psychiatrist that I like to think I broke.  But seriously - no one would believe  me.

Now lets think of a name fir the book..

The day my psychiatrist went nuts!

Smoking in thd toilet - it could come with a copy of the song - smoking in the boys room given free with every book purchased.

[Zoe7]

Oh @utopia Anker is the name of someone I knew and it makes me gigle that you are using that name for the nurse lol - quite appropriate.

I think we could collate some of your posts here and you would have the basis for a book - I know your pists are not intended to make people laugh but I find the way you write about these experiences full of wit and they often make me giggle - your mum is right - your should write a book about your experiences - I am sure you would have an audience out there... and even if people didn't believe you you would make them laugh with the insanity it all.

I can't think of any titles for your book but I will put my thinking cap on later - I like the idea of the cd with every book lol