Thank you @Former-Member - I can be determined and am growing stronger - but also some situations can still bring me to my knees. That usually involves loss of loved ones or if they are suffering. But even with my daughter, who I have not heard from in 24 hours - I have improved as I haven't let it stop me from looking after myself now or living my life. So far anyway - I can have my moments. I think I am fed up with the whole thing. She needs to wise up.
Yes, it was too painful to talk about my traumas and also the break down effected my thinking processes and cognitive skills. A lot of my younger years and some of my adult years past I have lost memory due to trauma. But my subconscious has ways of bringing the emotions (mental scars/anxiety/depression) attached to those lost years to the fore. Although I remember enough to know it was bad, I have also forgotten the worst parts. A psychiatrist once told me that was my minds way of staying sane. I can get weird flashbacks though which don't make a lot of sense and feels traumatising, but I let it go. I don't want to remember.
The nightmares could be associated - but I can't be sure. It certainly has a regular theme so probably is the subconscious' way of releasing it. It isn't pleasant. Some nights aren't as bad as others - less intense so I don't always wake in an anxiety attack. If I do I shake it off - I am so use to them, unless some drama is happening at home then it makes coping much harder.
How did you sleep last night? Good news - I feel asleep at midnight! An achievement. I turned off all blue light at 11:00 and read my book. I woke up five times during the night but went back to sleep. I was up at 8:00am. If I sleep by or before 12:00am my energy levels will rise and I don't feel as tired and foggy. Something about sleep before midnight that is highly beneficial. I did some more cardio exercise once I had risen, then went out with a friend and played some bingo. And we talk a lot which is fun. And yes, I won 😃. Came home made lunch for me and hubby, had my green tea with honey (my anti-cancer tea) and then saw your post and here I am. When I finish posting I will do some stitching then watch my favourite TV show - Millionaire Hot Seat, then more stitching and reading....
So today I have felt pretty good - all due to sleep and keeping fairly active. Yesterday I felt on deaths door. What a difference. I am yet to cut down on sleeping meds but that is in my plan over time.
I also had trouble reading and concentrating after my breakdown - can also have trouble if worrying about something. So I understand what you mean. When I picked up a book again it was a few pages at a time to get my mind use to it again. Maybe you could challenge yourself and try reading a little at a time like this? As It's such a shame how you derived so much enjoyment out of it - now nothing. It would be wonderful if you could read and feel that just in small spurts. It's a start. It's like the body when it hasn't been used for a while - it will feel hard at first but come back slowly in time to good shape. That's what I found anyway. It is a great escape and I am always looking for that - taking me to a better place.
Hoe your day is shaping up to be okaish, and that your daughter is going well. Thinking of you 💞🤗xx
