Grief & loss - may be triggering

[Adge]

I'm okay thanks so much for asking @Former-Member

When someone else writes about a similar experience  (eg head injury) it reminds me of my experiences.

Then I feel a need to write or talk about it.

Yes I was head injured, knocked unconscious for several hours. I was definitely concussed, vomited everwhere when I finally woke up.

They did know & see it - because they put me in the staff whilst unconscious.

They never called an ambulance & never took me to see any Dr.

Adge

[Adge]

This will be the 4th Christmas (in a few weeks), since my Dad died (March 20 2016). @Former-Member @Shaz51 @eth With him gone, not present.

He was rarely physically present with me at Christmas (he lived interstate) - I miss his lovely Christmas parcels, a sign of his presence & thoughtfulness.

I've rarely had a Christmas pudding since then, because it was something that he always sent me (in a parcel).

I tried buying myself a Christmas pudding one year - I did not feel like eating it (wasn't the same), because it was not from Dad....

Triggers eg Dad being gone, & the end of my marriage (at about this time) - are some reasons why this time of year is sad & a time of grief, instead of being a time of joy (or celebration).

Adge

[eth]

Hi @Adge   anniversaries of grief and loss can be very difficult.  I have some too.  I know  how much more difficult they are when all around are celebrating.  One of mine is Australia day, another Melbourne Cup day.  The only thing that works for me is to completely boycott the world at those times and be gentle with myself.  Not put any expectations or shoulds on what I am feeling.  It's probably even harder at Christmas as the commercial side of it goes on for weeks in advance.  It's good that you are reaching out and talking about it in advance.  I'm here for you my friend, tag me anytime and I'll get back to you asap.  I'm around until the 27th and check my notifications almost every day (depends what's happening offline).

Taking care of you is what matters the most.  What self-care activities work for you?

Thinking of you xx

[Shaz51]

ohhh hugs my friend @Adge 

@eth, @Owlunar , @Appleblossom 

[Appleblossom]

@Adge  that is a terrible story and neglect by those in charge.

I also have a lot of grief around christmas.

Glad you will be around @eth

Any plans @Shaz51 @Owlunar ??

Take Care

[Shaz51]

do you mean over christmas @Appleblossom  ??

very quiet day spent with MIL and then with my mum

then home

@Adge, @eth , @Owlunar 

[eth]

Sending love and support @Appleblossom @Adge @Shaz51 and @Owlunar  and the hope that today goes well enough for you all.

[Owlunar]

Hi @eth @Adge @Appleblossom @Shaz51 

It is hard when we have anniversaries around Christmas time - it does take the Christmas-joy out of it a bit - remembering the years when we had our parents and Father Christmas left stacks of presents (if we were that lucky) and the family got together and that's part of our mythology

But the years pass and things are different - and I have my son's birthday and adoption dates right before Christmas and my parents passing right after - so yes - I hear what other people are saying and we are here to support each other

Now my grand-daughter has moved to the Sunshine Coast and this is the first Christmas my daughter will be without her - so yes - I was asked what I would like for Christmas dinner and I have noticed my daughter having a different attitude toward me since her daughter moved north and she is not coming down to Melbourne which must be so disappointing for her parents - and my son-in-law's kids have partners and at this point I don't think they are coming down either

Life gets complicated when people get married or have partners - 

So my D, SIL are having Christmas dinner together - just the three of us - and we will most likely mention those who have passed - but not really saying much either - we remember them though

And life goes forward

All the best

Dec

[Appleblossom]

Thanks @eth 

@Shaz51 

I should know by now you are always unfolding more plans.

@Owlunar Yes attitudes can change, but usually slowly ... when similar experience give genuine insight into a situation.

I really like that you make a mention of those passed. Simple, without dwelling but it is also a social recognition.  I cant do that out loud, as it would upset my son, if he wants to come here, but will set aside moments and a form of mini altar for them.

[BlueBay]

Hugs @Adge  🤗 

I feel sad for you xxx